Counterfeit Hero

Chapter 131: Volume 3, Chapter 35: If You Can’t Steal It, Rob It

Tian Xingjian lay on his bed, fiddling with some equipment. These were electronic components he had just bought and parts he had scavenged from household appliances. Milan lived opposite him, and without some spying and eavesdropping gadgets, what would he do for entertainment at night?

Half an hour later, a crude infrared peeping device with a sound collector successfully passed its debugging stage. Milan hadn’t returned yet, so Fatty instinctively looked next door. Damn it, how come no one was there either? Just as he was getting annoyed, the door to his room opened, and a shadow walked in. From the figure, it seemed to be a woman. Fatty drooled foolishly; a beautiful prey always makes the hunter instinctively raise his gun. Fatty raised his too, then quickly put it down. Pah! Damn it, what’s a man doing walking so seductively! Sissy!

Through the sound collector modeled after a listening device, he heard footsteps in the corridor. Fatty picked up the infrared peeping device and saw a beautiful figure walking towards Milan’s room. No doubt, Milan had returned. He saw her hesitate for a moment, but instead of opening the door, she lightly walked to his door and pressed her ear against it, seemingly eavesdropping. After a long time without hearing anything, Milan seemed a bit disappointed. She stomped her foot, turned back to her room’s door, opened it, glanced back at his room in frustration, and slammed the door shut. The bang made Fatty’s ears ring, and he quickly took off his headphones and rubbed his ears. This sound collector didn’t have the high-pitched isolation function of the listening device. If someone were to set off a bomb now, Fatty’s ears would be destroyed.

In the peeping device, Milan was leaning against her door, peeping through the peephole towards his room for a long while before she angrily walked to her sofa and sat down, crossing her hands, looking sulky. Fatty put on his headphones and heard Milan’s mumbling: ”Fatty, if you have the guts to do this for a lifetime...” Suddenly, interference came through the headphones; the sissy next door was singing while bathing. Fatty could only hear Milan’s voice intermittently: ”Can’t deceive me... won’t steal... can’t steal...” The sissy next door was still singing emotionally, off-key. Fatty began to wonder whether he had made a sound collector or a moaning collector, as the headphones produced a mixture of noisy sounds. ”Damn it, sissy, you’ve ruined my mood twice already!” Fatty angrily took off the headphones.

Looking around, Milan seemed to have no intention of taking a bath. Feeling frustrated, Fatty started preparing his lesson. This was a task assigned by the old prude Boswell, about mecha design courses. If Fatty were to talk about the theoretical stuff, it would not just be sinful misguidance but sheer injustice. Consequently, Boswell wisely had Fatty discuss the practical considerations in mecha design for military use and analyze some mechas as examples.

Bang, bang, faint sounds of knocking came from outside. Someone was knocking on Milan’s door. Fatty quickly jumped up and peeked through his door’s peephole. The electronic peephole clearly showed the situation outside: a lieutenant colonel holding a bouquet was standing at Milan’s door, occasionally fixing his hair and collar. Damn, Fatty was nearly blowing his top. Where did this love rival suddenly come from! The door opened, and as soon as Milan saw the lieutenant colonel, she jumped up in joy with a cheer, throwing herself into the officer’s arms.

Hoping that Milan would toss away the flowers and give the officer two heavy slaps, Tian Xingjian was dumbfounded. He yanked open his door, rushed over, pulled Milan away from the lieutenant colonel, and angrily pointed at the officer: ”I don’t care who you are, I challenge you to a duel!” The lieutenant colonel stared in astonishment at the fatty who had run out in underpants, clearly not regaining his senses yet. He stood there, mouth agape and clueless. Milan, hugged by Fatty, was the first to react. Blushing with anger and embarrassment, she shouted, ”Let me go!” Fatty too was shocked by his impulsive reaction. Hearing Milan’s shout, he quickly released her. For a moment, the three of them stood there in an awkward silence.

The lieutenant colonel, coming to his senses, looked at Milan with a hint of confusion, smiled at Fatty, and asked, ”Who are you? Why do you want to duel with me?” Fatty angrily replied, ”You don’t even know who I am, how can you be the third wheel?” The colonel was stunned, pointing at the chunky fatty in underpants, his eyes questioning Milan. Milan’s face turned beet red. She grabbed the colonel’s hand and said, ”This person is a lunatic. I don’t know him. Ignore him!” Then, she glared fiercely at Fatty, pulled the colonel inside, and slammed the door.

Fatty stood by the door for a while, murmuring, ”She actually let him in the room. Dammit, that’s a big loss!” Back in his room, the heartbroken Fatty sighed about his faith in love. Putting on his headphones, damn, the sissy next door was still endlessly moaning. Failing to eavesdrop pervertedly, Fatty continued peeping at every move of Milan and the colonel with the peeping device. He even thought, if the colonel dared to make any move, even if he got out of Milan’s door, he wouldn’t be able to leave this building; if he got out of the building, he’d have to leave his manhood behind! In the end, until the colonel got up to leave, there was no sign of intimacy between him and Milan, leaving Fatty disappointed and putting down the peeping device, feeling indignant at not being able to make a fuss.

Equally indignant was Milan. After sending off her guest, she turned to knock on Tian Xingjian’s door. Fatty opened the door, and Milan’s little pink fists came raining down on his face, beating him until he cried out in agony. It was unclear if his cries were from extreme pain or extreme comfort.

Milan saw this Fatty’s thick-skinned face and felt helpless. She said angrily, ”What exactly do you want!” Fatty replied with a laugh, ”That pale-faced guy doesn’t seem like a good person at all. I’m worried about you.” Milan coldly said, ”I don’t need your fake kindness. If you can like others, of course I can too!” Fatty sighed sincerely and said, ”Dear, revenge will get us nowhere! How about I love you and you love me? Our feud should be resolved, not prolonged.” Milan was so amused that she couldn’t help but giggle, then she put on a stern face and snorted, ”I’ll let it go, but what about your affair with Sister Ann?” Fatty hesitated for a moment before thickening his skin and speaking earnestly, ”We are children of the world, emotional beings, there’s no need to be overly concerned.”

Strict with others, lenient with oneself, how can there be such shameless people in this world. Milan felt a headache coming on, thinking she had really met the wrong person. Just as she was about to scold him, Fatty suddenly pulled her into the room. Milan blushed and said angrily, ”Fatty, what do you think you’re doing?” Fatty laughed and said, ”Just now I heard you say if you can’t deceive, then steal. Haven’t I stolen you? Dear lady, please fulfill this monk’s wish.” Milan was astounded for a moment, then realized how easy it would be for Fatty to eavesdrop on her with his skills. She felt both embarrassed and anxious, exclaiming, ”You... you...” Before she could finish speaking, Tian Xingjian hugged her tightly. Instantly, she felt weak all over, collapsed into his arms, and burst into tears. All the grievances she had suppressed for a day suddenly erupted, and she pounded Tian Xingjian’s chest, crying out, ”Have I ever interfered with you? Meiduo, Nia, I never interfered when you flirted with them, why hide it from me!” Fatty was testing the waters boldly and was ecstatic when he heard her words. Seeing her sad tears, his heart ached, and he said, ”I was afraid you’d be upset.” Milan buried her head and continued to cry in his arms, tears streaming down her face as she choked out, ”I always knew you were a flirt, but you shouldn’t have hidden it from me. Now it’s like this, how can I expect you to treat me well in the future! You’re not handsome, not rich, just a scoundrel Fatty! What kind of trick did you use on me? I... I...” Her heart felt increasingly sad and aggrieved, and she cried even harder.

Fatty was at a loss for words; he didn’t dare claim to be universally adored and enabled with psychological tricks. Either of these claims would result in instant death if uttered.

Finally, after Milan cried herself tired, Tian Xingjian held her and sat down. He was deeply remorseful and wouldn’t let go of this chance if not for Boswell’s words, fearing he wouldn’t get another to speak with Milan again. He explained his situation with Ann Lei in detail. Milan gradually quieted down, listening till the end. They fell silent for a while. Milan softly said, ”You shouldn’t have hidden it from me...” After a while, she raised her head and said, ”Women and men are different. When women love someone, they are entirely devoted... Do you love me...” Her voice was soft and coquettish, full of hope. Seeing Tian Xingjian nod, she smiled again and buried her head in his chest, murmuring, ”Then do you love her...” Tian Xingjian dazedly nodded again and sighed, ”I think I’m extremely shameless...” Milan gave him a gentle pinch and said playfully, ”What do you mean ’think’? You are clearly very shameless...”

The two of them quietly snuggled together. Milan sighed, ”I must be bewitched, I can’t even bother with you anymore...” She flirtatiously glanced at Fatty, ”Even without Sister Ann, don’t you still have plenty of romantic affairs?” Fatty laughed, ”I don’t have any romantic affairs... Looking like an ugly Fatty, who would be interested in me?” Milan sat up straight, adjusted her skirt, and said with a snort, ”People you saved often call me, never stop talking about you. God knows what kind of charm you used on them.” She grew angrier and lightly pinched Fatty’s ear, saying, ”You attract so many women; you think you’ll have peaceful days ahead? Be careful...” Her face blushed with shyness as she smiled and said, ”Be careful they drain you dry.”

Fatty chuckled with a silly grin, ”Sounds great, I’ve been worried about how to lose weight!” He hugged Milan tightly and blew gently near her ear, laughing, ”Or how about you drain me dry now?” Milan blushed and lightly spat, ”Fatty, you wish.” She laughed playfully, broke free from Fatty’s embrace, stood up, and ran, but Fatty chased her and hugged her again. Milan felt weak all over, her eyes rolling, ”Couldn’t steal... so you snatched?”

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In Moscow, everything is less convenient than back home. I’ll try to maintain at least one update a day. Thank you all for your concern and support.

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