My Alleged Husband

Chapter 991: Chapter 884: Family’s Company

Zhang Zhentian feels that what he should do most now is to stay by his father’s side, to make up for all he owes him. His father has never even asked him for compensation, so what reason does he have to repeatedly let his father suffer all the harm while he just stands by, watching? Is it really the life he wants for his father, as a son? Such a life would only bring his father more pain, again and again.

Sometimes, he thinks he should really consider whether his actions are wrong from his father’s perspective. Only through empathy can one experience a different life; standing in others’ shoes might truly change the outcome.

At times, he feels like a mere clown, used easily by others, swayed by a few sweet words, making him run around in circles. In others’ eyes, he might be worth nothing until everyone realizes this truth: no one in his family chooses to trust their kin anymore—the only one they can trust is themselves.

”Yichen, I’ve figured it out now. I shouldn’t do anything else. What I should do is to stay home, to guard beside every family member so each of you knows I’m not beyond redemption.

I too have innocence within me. I too hope for comfort from my family. Time and time again, I get everything, yet in the end, I realize I lose more than I gain. No matter how much I get, it eventually leaves me.

When I think about my actions, all seemingly wrong decisions without a single right one, has anyone ever stood in my shoes to understand that kind of disappointment? I long for my family to live happily ever after, yet what did I bring them in the end? Besides harm, I gave them nothing. I don’t understand why I ended up like this. At every step, I tried to improve myself, refusing to become worse, yet no matter what I do, I find I am always the worst, never achieving the best outcome, unable to offer my family a perfect life.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder why, being men all the same, the gap between my son and me is so vast. My son can make everyone in the family happy, live such a good life, yet I only bring disaster to my family, even if those disasters aren’t directly caused by me. The indirect connections are undeniable. How painful those injuries seem in my eyes. Who has ever truly stood in my shoes to understand the source of such pain? I’ve come this far, and what I desire is so simple, yet in the end, I realize I deserve nothing, have nothing worthy of possession.

Have you ever experienced that feeling of disappointment, experienced despair, yet not known how to move forward in life?

I genuinely don’t want my family to bear such pain, a pain that I shall endure alone just once is enough. Why should I let my family endure such harm and suffering together? Such torment should be mine alone; it’s unfair for my family to bear it. I’m no Saint, yet I committed the unforgivable mistake every man should avoid—abandoning my family. Everything I’ve done remains vivid to me. I cannot pretend it never happened; I only know every decision I made hurt those I love most, and those who love me dearly.

Even if you all could forgive me, I could never forgive myself. What I did is unforgivable. I never pondered what turned me into this—is it because of love?

But thinking about it, in this realistic world, what really is love? Many live selfishly for love, only to find in the end that those they love most have betrayed them. Who can truly empathize with that feeling?

I’ve encountered many things you haven’t, so you cannot grasp the feeling of utter despair. Do you know? When you place a woman in the deepest part of your heart, you’ll discover that she doesn’t really love you most. She might have fallen for many people. In his inner world, even he can’t be sure who that person is.

He swore in your face, claiming he only wants to spend his life with you, but in the end, you find out his secret of the day. How many men has he said those words to? When you decide to give him everything, you discover he betrayed you. In his eyes, love is but a child’s play, and marriage is just a game.

He doesn’t value any of it more than life itself, yet you foolishly give it your all.

All you want is his sincere response, but what result do you get? Not even a piece of his true heart. You may feel no guilt, giving everything in this life you could. However, in his eyes, even including your life, he feels no remorse. Do you understand that his heart is numb and without conscience?

I believe you all know exactly who I’m talking about. When I sincerely wanted to spend my life with my wife, I discovered her affair with her ex. I found she betrayed me, our love, our marriage. At that moment, I felt deep despair and pain, feeling no sorrow outweighed my own misery. I gave my wife everything I loved most, hoping to offer her all my best, all I treasured, my life included, yet what did I receive? Her betrayal!”