My Alleged Husband

Chapter 964: Chapter 857 Struggle

Zhang Zhentian is well aware that this is his father and his son, and they are giving him one last chance. He understands this, but he doesn’t know what choice to make. On one side is his wife, and on the other is his family. Whichever side he chooses, he must abandon the other, leading to a conclusion he least wants to see. If this choice forces him to make such a decision, then no matter what, he will never be happy—never find joy. How can he act so that everyone can consider his perspective and understand what outcome he truly desires? If his repeated wrong decisions cause him to regret this for the rest of his life and leave him unable to forgive himself, wouldn’t that mean he’s continuously making all the wrong choices?

He doesn’t want his life’s path to be full of regret anymore. He wants to ensure that others respect him, and he wants freedom from the emotional exhaustion that has weighed him down. Yet some things really aren’t that simple. Making a decision—how easy is that? And how difficult would it be to make the right one?

Everyone has their own way of viewing things, their own perspectives on events. Perhaps every choice he makes will lead to the most painful outcome for his heart and soul, yet he has no solution. All of this simply lets him sink deeper into anguish and despair.

Xia Jing profoundly understands what lies at the depths of her husband’s heart.

Though she knows what he’s thinking deep down, she’s powerless. She has thought about asking her husband to stay in this home, to just leave this life with her, but she also knows she can’t force him to stay here. She would have no choice but to quietly leave on her own.

”You really don’t need to consider my feelings. I know you truly want to stay in this home. Over the years, you’ve dreamed countless times about returning, haven’t you? Even if you’ve forgotten, I can’t forget. It’s my fault—you ended up like this step by step because of me. It’s my fault that you’ve had such a hard time. But do you know something? No matter what, I simply can’t bear to see you living this painful life anymore. Even if I’m out there living on my own, I’ll always be your wife. In the eyes of the law, that won’t ever change, but I hope you can understand.

Right now, everyone in this family needs you to stay. How could you selfishly abandon them for just a little bit of your own desires? Back then, leaving was unavoidable.

But if you choose to leave now, it will prove that deep down we’ve never truly considered them as family. We don’t want this kind of ending—it would only bring us pain. We should demonstrate with our actions that we genuinely want to stay, genuinely regard them as true family from the depths of our hearts. If we make another wrong decision this time, how do you think we’ll ever be able to come back to this family? When that time comes, what face will we have left to face our ancestors under the earth?

You know, these past years I’ve never once begged you for anything. But today, this matter—I’m truly begging you, pleading with you to make the right decision. Please think carefully. Please, don’t let this issue bring endless heartache to everyone again and again. I’m begging you to stay here in this home. Stay and take good care of your child, care for your father. Don’t let anger or impulsive feelings drive you to choose to leave again. That’s not the result any of us want.”

Zhang Zhentian already knew his wife would say this to him. He understood just how difficult life had been for her over the years; how could he not? Yet he has never opted to abandon her. Maybe now, saying anything won’t matter anymore—whatever he says might lead his wife to interpret things differently. He doesn’t want her to be exhausted, nor does he want her to bear the burden of others’ rumors and judgments. He only hopes she can live a carefree and happy life, free from worries. That would be enough.

”You’re absolutely right—I do want to return to this home. But the prerequisite for returning is that you must also stay here. If I’m the only one, what’s the point?

Please don’t try to push me away. Do you think I’d find any happiness if I left your side? All you’ve done is repeatedly drive me into a corner. I’m begging you—please, let me live a carefree life too, even just for a moment. Let me have the autonomy that belongs to me, like anyone else has the right to!

I hope to choose the kind of life I want, walk the path I envision for myself. I don’t want to spend my whole life dependent on you all. I just want everyone to understand that every decision I make is correct, that I can rely on myself to reach the end. I don’t want everyone looking down on me.

Dad, you know deep down that my decisions are hard to change—no matter what. You understand I’m not the kind of person who changes their beliefs lightly. Time and again, I’ve made it to where I am today. I so desperately wish for a happy and peaceful life, yet every time, the outcome disappoints me.

I admit that I caused you all great harm back then, but I didn’t do it intentionally. I just wanted to live happily, but every time, all I brought you was sadness. Do you have any idea how regretful I feel? None of you can truly grasp the depth of my remorse—the kind that crushes you, leaves you gasping for breath, pushes you step by step into a place of despair, utterly powerless.

I truly wish I could live freely even just once. Just once, and I’d be content. All these years, I’ve never lived freely, as you know. Everything I’ve achieved at this point has been hard-earned. I’ve relied entirely on my own efforts to get here, step by step. But who has ever cared about my feelings? Who has ever considered how difficult my life has been? No one—absolutely no one.

You all always think that what you believe is good for me is what’s actually good. But you forget—does that thing truly suit me? If this life doesn’t suit me, then what do you think it means for me? It’s nothing but torment—torment from the depths of my heart. That kind of torment grinds down a person’s willpower, forces them step by step into a pit of misery they can’t escape. I don’t blame anyone, because everything is the consequence of my own decisions. I can only bear it alone. But you should also try standing in my shoes and think about my pain, my sorrow, how many tears I must have shed.”