My Alleged Husband

Chapter 883: Chapter 827: Let It Go!

Zhang Zhentian knew that some words would cause his son pain.

But no matter what, he absolutely could not allow his own flesh and blood, Yichen, to be hurt because of him. In his entire life, he had never given him any love, this father had never fulfilled the responsibilities of a father. He had already hurt him so much, abandoned him so much, how could he continue like this? If he treated his son as he had in the past, what would be the difference between himself and a beast?

”Yichen, Dad never intended to hurt you again. I just hope you can let go of your preconceptions and not bottle up so much pain. Do you think you are happy and blessed now? Every day you walk on thin ice, fearing that one day I will treat you as I did before, that you will never again have the freedom and happiness you once did. My presence only burdens you, causing you to suffer again and again to the point of not wanting to live, enduring endless mental torment. Do you know how terrible it feels when, every time you close your eyes, all you can see is the shadows of others? I’m scared, and I don’t want you to bear such pain, because you are my son, and I can’t bear it, nor do I want you to endure the pain you shouldn’t have to bear!

I always believed that only by letting go can we have the perfect ending, but can some things really be let go? Though I pretend not to care deep inside, my heart still cannot be indifferent, and I still care. Why must we live so hypocritically? Would it not be better to live honestly?

My life has been so tiring, all the weariness self-inflicted. I cannot blame anyone but myself, for everything has led to the situation I now face. Whom else can I blame?

My child, do you know how tragic my life has been? I have never truly smiled, regardless of what I do, I’m always under pressure, and no one cares about me. Everything others do, they deem correct, while everything I do is seen as wrong in their eyes. Do you know how oppressive such public pressure feels? No one considers how I feel, everyone just blindly piles all responsibility on me, but who knows how much pain my heart endures?

Perhaps in your eyes, you think I am a saint, but I am truly not the Saint. I cannot remain unaffected. You all think that many things don’t bother me, but who truly knows the agony of my heart? You all push all the blame and sins upon me, but what about me? Was I born solely to bear the blame for others?

No matter what I do, you will never be satisfied with me. In your eyes, I am the eternal sinner. Whatever I do is wrong, you’ve never considered my feelings.

If you really considered me a relative, a part of the family, you wouldn’t treat me this way. Your approach may seem trivial to you, but for me, it is an unbearable burden, full of blows. Have you ever considered my feelings, how torn and tormented I am? Time after time, deep in your hearts, you only see what you believe to be right, but you forget that things are not always so. You judge everything right or wrong with your own eyes, never questioning the veracity of these matters. Is everything your eyes perceive true? You don’t seek the essence within; your observations are always deceptive. You don’t understand the predicament of a person who has been wronged, the entanglement that they can’t verbalize. All their wishes, all their sufferings, must be borne in silence. Do you know how much pain and devastation this causes?

Zhang Yichen never expected his father’s heart to be filled with so much bitterness and exhaustion. He had always thought his father was carefree and happy, never caring about how much his family truly cared for him. But now, seeing his father like this, he realized his father was not as comfortable as he had imagined, that deep inside his father was also entangled and in pain. Over and over, he put on a brave face for everyone, but who really knows how he’s made it through?

His father was right; he was not a saint. He couldn’t remain indifferent to everything like everyone else. When his heart was hurt, he felt pain. He wasn’t made of stone; he too wanted to not care, but some things are genuinely impossible to ignore. Time and again, burdens are heaped upon him, his father’s heart must be in such agony. Yet he, as a son, what comfort had he ever offered his father? Time and again, he had thrust his father into hell, living in such pain and sorrow, never seeing a truly happy moment from him. And what had he brought to his father? Time and again, he had discarded him without a second thought – that was his own birth father. How could he have been so heartless to treat him that way?

”Dad, do you really think you’re the only one who’s tired from living? Am I not also exhausted? Time and again, I carry all the pain in my heart. All I want is for my family to be safe and secure, all I want is to be with the person I love. But why, time and again, does it end like this? Who has ever cared about how much pain lurks deep in my heart? You’re tired of living, and so am I. I’m not less tired than you; I’ve been exhausted for so many years. For over two decades, I have never laughed wholeheartedly. Time and again, I see Grandpa suffering in silence, unable to do anything but watch from a distance because he is my Grandpa. I’m speechless; I can’t do anything!”