My Alleged Husband

Chapter 871: Chapter 817: How to Get Your Sincerity Back? Times

Zhang Zhentian knew all too well deep inside her heart that she had no place in his heart now; perhaps she could never retrieve her true self, the one who was most beloved by her!

Even if she died right now, he wouldn’t care, he wouldn’t even ask. He had become more heartless than her, achieving complete indifference, disregarding everything.

Sometimes she truly felt terrified of herself, for numbing her own heart, for losing track of what she truly wanted. Only after losing over and over did she realize that all she ever wanted was him.

The human heart is truly incomparable, the more she compared, the more she hurt herself, repeatedly injuring herself all over. What kind of ending did she achieve? It only made her life worse.

It was only when she finally figured everything out that she realized it was already too late.

”Xia Jing, I really want to ask you, what can I possibly do to win back your heart, what should I do to make you stay by my side, even if your heart isn’t with me?

I said for you, I could give up even my life, but do you know how much I care about you, how much I can’t bear to lose you!”

”I feel that there is no need for you to say all this to me. Now that things between us have come to this, how are you going to deal with it? I’m sorry but the one who has wronged the most is not me but you, we’ve been eating meals together for so many years, what have I actually gained? You’ve deceived all my feelings!

I have no interest in your fate because your life is of no use to me, if I take your life it means I’ve committed a crime, but sometimes I really want to know, can you truly give up your life for me? If you really can, then why don’t you go die?”

”Is it that only if I die, you would be willing to come back to me, willing to give me another chance, let us be together again, even if it’s just for one day, do you know how important that is? I never thought that one day I would become so wretched, so cowardly and incapable, what I wanted, I’ve lost over and over, and in the end, I still can’t have what I want. I don’t understand what I should do to make all of this unreal instead of fact.

Your departure tormented me mentally, and I’m truly scared.

I’m willing to wait for you silently behind your back, be it a day, two days, three days, a year, ten years, or even a lifetime. As long as you’re willing to look back eventually, you will see me always standing behind you. Just one glance from you would suffice, even if it’s only for a second, and even if it’s filled with hatred towards me, I’m still willing, all I want is to see you before me, never to leave again. I dreamt over and over again that we live together in the same world, the same room. Knowing how terrifying it is when I wake up to find everything is gone, I cry and cry, but still, I can’t bring you back.”

”For someone like me, it’s truly not worth it because you can have a better life. Why waste time on me? Maybe from the very beginning, it was a mistake, but I really want you to know, over these years, I have truly been sincere with you.”

”Rest assured, all you want is my life, and I will give it to you.

Killing many people, I do not spare my own life; I always thought that I could have what I wanted, I always felt that as long as I put in the effort, whatever I deserved would eventually come to me, but in the end reality harshly slapped me in the face, I could never get what I wanted, because fate is against me, disliking my actions.

I’ve thought about how I should live, I’ve thought about trying to let go of you, but in the end, I find I truly cannot do it. No matter how much effort I put in, even if I could cut out my heart, I still can’t forget you. How painful that kind of waiting is, no one knows how much I care about you.

I exhausted all my efforts to please you, just to make you happy. Maybe what I could do for you wasn’t much, but if you want my life, I will still give it to you, because it is what you asked for, what you wanted. I will give you anything you want, except for leaving you.”

Xia Jing truly never expected that Zhang Zhentian would, for her sake, really give up even her own life.

When she looked back, what had she given over the years? She got all the love from the person she loved most, but she wounded her horribly. He turned around and gave a lot to her, giving her many chances, but she was always so heartless. Sometimes, what should she do to make him forgive her?

”If today you really died here, then maybe I would forgive you. But if you don’t even have the courage to commit suicide, then I definitely won’t give you any chance. You’ve deceived me for so many years, it should be enough. Do you still want to continue deceiving me? I gave you my youth, I gave you everything, but this is how you treat me!”

Zhang Zhentian said nothing, just took out a knife from her bag and cut herself.

Blood flowed little by little from Zhang Zhentian’s body, Xia Jing was terrified.

”Are you insane? You really are attempting suicide? Do you know you could become disabled with just one cut? Even if you did commit suicide, I still wouldn’t forgive you. I am hard-hearted, all the harm you’ve done me, I will take revenge on your body!”

Zhang Zhentian couldn’t help but laugh, she knew it would end this way, but she did it without regret.

She had to bear the consequences for the mistakes she made.

”Maybe only by my complete departure can you live well. It was my arrival that disturbed your peaceful days; if I had never appeared, would you be a lot happier?

I am forever just a burden, I could never give you what you wanted. From the beginning, I had no ability to give you the life you wanted, so your choice to leave is for the best!

In the end, I am nothing but a drag, a burden to you. Abandoning me is the happiest thing in your heart for this lifetime. What does life or death matter? Life and death will eventually catch up with everyone, I might as well die early and be at peace. After my death, I will be at ease, living carefree, having the most perfect days in Yama’s Palace!”