My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1845: Chapter 1639: A Memento

Looking at the falling flowers filling the sky, in a daze, I saw the shadow of you appearing by my side.

Zhang Zhentian didn’t know what meaning his wife’s life still held living like this. In his wife’s eyes, he had never become an important companion in her life; in his eyes, he would ultimately only become a passerby.

He is now numb, no longer knowing how to comfort his own temperament, persuade his wife to give up on the man she has in her heart. Behind every matter, he ends up accepting pain time and time again, without anyone knowing what kind of ending this all will bring to him.

”Alas!

Xia Jing, you are my wife. Even if in your heart you are unwilling to live for yourself, can you live for me just once? Can you not always be so selfish? You utter these words to hurt those who are by your side, accompanying you, for a man who has already left. Do you think that is fair?

Perhaps I shouldn’t have come to you talking about fairness, but there are things I truly cannot bear anymore. I just want to stay quietly and steadily by your side, yet you push me a thousand miles away. Deep down in your heart, you are always thinking of another man. What do you take me for?

You might think I am too petty as a man, but tell me, which man would be willing to see his own wife constantly thinking of another man deep in her heart, while there’s never a place for her husband? Would you feel happy, joyful, or satisfied in your heart if that were you? You’ve always only cared about how you feel inside, forgetting about how those who love you most might suffer due to your actions.

Maybe I’ve said too much about certain things and meddled too much. I shouldn’t be so nagging about these things in your ear, but if you truly could consider the severity of issues from others’ perspectives, others wouldn’t repeatedly say such heartfelt words to you.

I have given my all to you, every time sincerely treating you, yet all I receive in return is your heartless treatment. In your eyes, no matter what I do, I will never receive a correct decision. What do you see me as? To you, I am merely your effort, you believe no matter how I treat you, it’s as it should be. But you forget that I owe you nothing; I treat you this way only because I want you to live happily and joyfully, not for any other reason. But why can’t you stand in my shoes and consider my feelings for once in everything you do?

In the past, we both forsook our own children and family for our freedom. At that moment, I felt very happy and content, but as time passed, I gradually realized I wasn’t living the happiest life. I found myself repeatedly confirming during times of pain and torment, fearing the arrival of nightmares one day, hoping that someday I could be with the one I truly love.

But for you, I’ve abandoned so much, and do you have any idea of that number? In your eyes, what kind of person am I? Am I just someone who stops at nothing to achieve a goal?

I really hope you could try to understand me a little, not determine someone’s entire life path just based on a single materialistic aspect. Such results can never satisfy anyone. You always know only your own joy and pain, but you forget how hard I’ve loved you. Step by step reaching today, how difficult it has been, have you forgotten how I have spent day after day with you over these decades?”

”You accompanied me night after night, I have never forgotten how you treated me, but I truly have no way to love you in my heart!

If you don’t exist in my heart, yet I tell you with my words that I like you, isn’t that deceiving your feelings? How could I repeatedly utter such words to you? I just want you to know that not everything is as it seems.

You say Heaven is unfair to you, but is it fair to me? It repeatedly gives me tests, challenging my limits, but in the end, what does Heaven see me as? I am nothing more than a tool for it to test life, using me time after time. Ultimately, I can only return to the place I should be, battered and bruised all over, with no one ever considering the pain I have endured. You all only have your own happiness and joy. Aren’t you also selfish?”

Zhang Zhentian was left speechless by Xia Jing’s words. He knew these were all truths, and indeed, such things had happened before. Yet he chose not to use any method to stop it, opting to let the mistakes continue. Perhaps for every family, such pain is inseparable. Everyone thinks their actions are not wrong, but who can truly judge that? It’s not himself to judge, but someone else. One’s fate cannot be easily seen, only through the choices one makes repeatedly will his future decisions reflect.

”If you don’t want your life to lose its meaning, then I hope you could live for yourself just once. Do you know how rare such an opportunity is? Many want to live for themselves once, but time and again, they are trapped in family and illness, never finding a way to be happy or joyful?

Those who are displaced, pleading once and again for someone to treat them well. Do you know that kind of pain?

Actually, my conditions aren’t the best, but I still use what little I have to help those in need. To you, this might be an insignificant matter, but for me, it’s a profound realization from the depths of my soul. Time and again, you think my actions are just a show, but who among you knows, in each thing I do, I give wholeheartedly, yet ultimately, all I receive are your doubts and suspicions. This makes it so hard for me to accept internally!”

”Grandpa, do you think she will really come back? I have waited five years, yet I still don’t see her returning to my side. Has she forgotten about me?”