My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1839: Chapter 1633: Reason

Ten years ago, we didn’t know each other, and you didn’t belong to me either. We were both beside strangers, and as we walked through streets that gradually became familiar, we realized that ten years later we’d be friends, perhaps even greeting each other. But there was no longer any reason for gentle embraces.

”Perhaps you find all of this unbelievable, but do you know that when my tears have already turned into raindrops, when I see couples on the street laughing and joking through the crowd, do you know how much it hurts inside? It was at that moment that I realized I couldn’t forget him no matter what.

In my lifetime, I’ve rarely done things that I regret for a lifetime, but this time I truly regret it. My biggest regret is being with you and abandoning her. Do you know how painful this is for me?

It was only at that moment I realized I couldn’t lose her no matter what, because I still loved him. Without him, how could I go on living? I really want to hold her, to apologize to her. I want her to forgive me, but my repeated indecisiveness hurt him. I couldn’t properly protect the person I love most in my heart. All I want now is to hold her forever, so we won’t ever separate again, until the day I lose her, it hurts so much, so much. I never realized how deeply in love I was with her, that the cost of loving her is a lifetime of unbearable pain. But to me, it’s not a problem. I’m not afraid of enduring a lifetime of harm and grievances, but I’m terrified of losing him...”

”You say you can’t lose her, so can you lose me? You say you still love him, does that mean you don’t have any feelings for me at all?” Zhang Zhentian was relentless, and he was unwilling to accept this. He couldn’t accept being manipulated by his wife time and again. He wanted to make one final struggle, to see if he holds any place in his wife’s heart. If he truly has no place, then what meaning is there in keeping her by his side forcibly? If he wants a lifeless shell to accompany him for a lifetime, why not live alone and enjoy life more freely?

”Honestly, I really don’t want to hurt you, but there are some things I have to clarify with you. Yes, I can’t lose him; my heart loves him. I don’t love you, so I can lose you; I can lose the world, but I can’t lose the man in my heart. Do you know this? You may find all these changes too fast, making it hard to keep up. But do you know that it was only when I left him that I realized how deeply I loved him? I love him so much that I’m willing to give my entire life, but with you, I’m sorry, I just don’t feel that way!

If I choose to be with someone, but lack the basic excitement, why should I stay with them all the time? The day I fell in love with him, I longed to be with him, but there is such a huge gap between us. At that moment, I chose to deceive myself, to pretend I didn’t love her. But in the end, I discovered the person I always loved was him and could never be anyone else!

Do you know that my feelings for him started from liking him, slowly growing together until I wanted to be with him forever, growing old together? But ultimately, I realized all of this was just heaven bullying me, treating me as a pitiful person, once and again shattering my most beautiful hopes. I truly hate this unjust heaven!

I’m sure you also find the heavens unfair to you. You’ve given me your love wholeheartedly, yet I ultimately chose to hurt you in this way. It’s quite common, quite common, and unfair to you as well. But do you know that each person’s inner torment is personal? When I chose this ending, I was destined never to live happily and joyfully again in my lifetime. But I don’t care about any of this anymore. However, you can’t keep saying that you can give up everything for me, can you truly do it? If you could, you wouldn’t keep trying to return home. If you could, you wouldn’t have those eyes filled with despair from unmet expectations appearing before me time and again. All your actions are just trying to earn my sympathy. But even if I sympathize with you, what then? We have no mutual understanding, and without it, how can we be happy together? Please, stop forcing me and let go!

”In truth, everything you’ve said, for so long, is just a way to make me give up on you. Since I chose to be with you, I won’t easily give up, especially now that our relationship has entwined with family interests. I can’t be so selfish, disregarding the safety of my entire family. You know how important a family’s reputation is to my father. He’s someone who loves his face dearly, but he gave up his so-called pride and dignity time and again for the two of us. How could I treat him like this? I’m not stone-hearted. What I want is very simple. But the things I want, you can’t give me. Since you can’t give me what I want, why can’t you let me do it myself?

You know that if I make a wrong decision, it could lead to complete failure for the interests of my family. Business is like a battlefield; I can’t ignore my father’s life’s work. Before, it was me being naive, thinking you were worth this sacrifice. But in the end, I realized you weren’t worth it. So why should I foolishly disregard my father’s years of labor for your sake?”

Xia Jing actually understands the reasons behind her husband’s actions towards her. He sacrificed so much for her, but she ultimately brought him so much pain. Since this is the case, there’s no need for her to force her husband to do things he doesn’t want to do. Even a kind-hearted person would eventually become stone-hearted after so many times. These consequences were caused by herself; who is there to hate? Everything led to this step, and it will only result in her becoming a lifeless shell, unable to change this destined conclusion...

It was only many years later that I realized how deep our fate was!