My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1808: Chapter 1602: Reflection

Remember the moment when the person who shouldn’t have appeared back then actually appeared, my heart was indeed unbalanced. I just didn’t expect that what I once thought was the simplest happiness was just meeting him for the first time. At that time, my heart wouldn’t stop racing for him. He made me forget all my worries and just remember his smile, making me want to be around him every day.

”Chen Gang, this isn’t how things should be between us. All these years, I’ve known you’ve been waiting for me, but we really aren’t suitable for each other. Back when we were classmates, I ruthlessly rejected you, which proves I wouldn’t be with you in this lifetime. You should have let go of all thoughts then and stopped waiting foolishly for me alone. And now, after waiting for me for so many years, you want me to divorce my husband. Do you think that’s possible?

I don’t care if my marriage is happy or not; a happy marriage comes from striving for it, from maintaining it genuinely. If my marriage is unhappy, it only proves I don’t have the ability, that I can’t make my husband love me wholeheartedly. But what about you?

You haven’t married yet. You could find a complete woman who loves you wholeheartedly and spend your life with her. Why waste time on a woman like me, who’s already married? It’s not worth it!”

”Zhihan, for me, there’s no such thing as worthiness. I only know I can’t let you go from my heart. All these years, you’ve always held the most important place in my heart. I think of you every moment. I don’t know how to forget you. I’ve tried, but I can’t. I’ve also tried being with others to let fade my feelings for you, but it never worked!

I know you can’t let go of your pride. You can’t give up your husband because you think he’s the one who loves you the most. But do you know, I don’t love you any less than he does. Over the years, you don’t know how much I’ve yearned to be with you. You don’t understand that feeling in my heart. Do you understand? I long for the day you’d agree to be with me, even if only for one day as husband and wife, I would be content.

I originally thought that once I completed my studies and returned home, I could see you again, and I wouldn’t have to let go of your hand as I did before. I thought I could truly be with you. But I didn’t expect that when I returned after so much hard work, you were already married and had a child.

Did you ever think about how much pain these changes caused in my heart? All I wanted was a peaceful life, but that’s something I can’t have. Why do you get to live so happily, getting everything you want, while I’m left waiting foolishly for you to be with me one day? Is that fair to me?

Although I understand that true fairness doesn’t exist in this world, doesn’t your heart want to know my true feelings? Did your heart never once beat for me? All I want is a woman who has feelings for me, to be with me. We’ve known each other since childhood; we understand each other more than anyone. Don’t you ever want to give me a chance to be your lifelong partner, and spend your life with me?”

As Chen Gang spoke, he became more emotional. This was the hardest day of his life. Even though the woman he loved most was right in front of him, he was powerless. She had long become someone else’s wife, and now he could only watch silently as she happily lived with someone else. He felt helpless. How he wished time could turn back a few years; he would have abandoned his studies and rushed back home. Perhaps things wouldn’t be so bad now. If things hadn’t turned out this way, how could everything be so difficult?

”Chen Gang, actually, you’re wrong. Although we studied together since childhood and know each other well, do you know that I met my husband before I even started school? I decided back then that I’d marry no one but him. He promised to return for me, and so, for years, I’ve waited for him, searching hard. I finally found him, so how could I easily give up the most precious love of my life? I can’t throw away my life for someone unimportant, even though my marriage is now in trouble with him. But I don’t care—what matters is being with him. Today, what happened between us, how can I face him?

You’re right. What you call love is just in your mind. You never cared about what I wanted. You always think telling me you love me means true love. But do you know, doing this doesn’t mean love, it harms me. If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t have done this to me, leaving me with no face to face my husband. Why do you want me to get a divorce? Maybe I’ll go home today and fight with him, but I don’t care. Maybe he’ll drive me out or take me to get divorced, but I don’t care. All I want is to stay by his side and be his real wife. I don’t want to throw away the love that took years to build.

I beg you to let me go, to let us both go. Why be so persistent when it brings no good for either of us? You’re hurting both me and yourself. My marriage might shatter because of this, but I can’t help it. Even if I’m not the main reason, though I didn’t primarily do wrong, I still have no face left to face my husband. He loves so deeply, would give me the very best of everything. But I, I’ve hurt him. How could I expect him to continue loving me? Even if I divorced him, I’d never be with you because you don’t deserve it.

I know as a humble woman like me, I have no right to say this, but I hope you understand, once I’ve made any decision, no one can change it, and if that’s the result, we can’t even be friends. Since you did this, let’s stop here and not contact each other anymore!”

She remembered how decisively she refused him in the end, yet he would never let go of this matter.