My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1696: Chapter 1490: When Longing Turns to Ashes

Now you’re out there living freely and happily, forgetting your own child at home and forgetting you once had a family.

Zhang Zhentian just couldn’t understand, why his father wouldn’t give him a way to survive, he just wanted to live a few more days in this world, to spend more time with his family; but what did the repeated outcomes bring him?

Thinking back on how many years he had hoped to return to this home, and realizing the moment he truly returned, that everything was merely a mirage in his dreams, not a single thing could help him achieve his goals, every time, what he wanted was ultimately unattainable, every time, what he wanted was destroyed by his own family.

The things he wanted, obviously within reach yet unattainable, instead he faced destruction from his family again and again, how distressing and agonizing that felt, perhaps it was a path he had to walk, no one could walk it for him, he saw it clearer than anyone.

Xia Jing couldn’t bear to see a good family become like this, all of this happened after she returned to the family, if it was truly her return that caused this, she’d rather leave alone than see everyone in the family getting hurt, this wasn’t the outcome she wanted, repeated endings made her confident, yet what she desired remained out of reach, the pain in her heart was profound, who could understand?

”I feel that none of you should argue over these things anymore. If my return caused this, I am willing to leave alone and bear all the consequences, I am willing to leave once more and never step foot in this house, I hope you can return to that peaceful and harmonious life, that life is what I can give you. My repeated appearances brought changes to the family, leading to conflicts and arguments. Deep down, I cannot rest easy, I cannot let my family suffer because of me while I sit there as if nothing’s wrong, watching innocently while you get hurt, I cannot do it!

Now I’ve become indifferent to everything because I understand one truth: even if I held everything dear, the outcomes might not be what I wanted. What I got was repeated pain, feeling no guilt, the ones I feel I’ve wronged the most are you, for I brought you the most harm. I wish these things had never happened, but they did, and I cannot change that, nor pretend it never happened.

If my leaving could stop your arguments, I think my sacrifice would be worthwhile. But if my departure means you continue to argue, I don’t understand the significance of my actions. Every action I take is purposeful, you know I am a goal-oriented person, who pursues objectives relentlessly, sparing no means!

You understand me better than anyone because you know that every mistake I make stems from an internal conflict, grappling with past pains I can’t face. I’m so frightened, fearing the harm you’ll bring me, all I want is for you to live happily and safely, but in the end, I gave you nothing.

Dad, my return to this family caused everyone harm, that’s my fault. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t return, I would keep my promise to never step back into this house. Then you would suffer less, not live in constant fear, live with ease. But all of this hurt is my doing, and for that, I feel deeply guilty. Yet I still chose to return because I miss you, because I want a family, want my relatives’ company. But now, I must leave again because my return brought harm; my departure is the better ending for you.”

Zhang Yichen never imagined one day his mother would make such a decision. After all the effort it took to return to this home, she’d still choose to leave because of the repeated arguments? Because his wife became like this? Is all the fault really on his parents? Is his wife completely without blame? If she could be more open-minded, things wouldn’t be like this, he wouldn’t be caught in the middle, torn. What should he do? If his parents leave again, he’d lose all connection with them, should he let this happen? After so many years, the family he’s longed for has finally returned, why choose to leave again? Why repeat hurting him? To them, is he just a dispensable tool or a pawn to be used for their ends?

Sometimes he really couldn’t believe his parents were like this; he also wished they could give him a way to live, he knew how hard their lives had been.

Was his life so easy, not hard at all? Every day over the years felt like walking on thin ice, fearing harm from others, fearing his family would be shunned if he wasn’t capable enough. So he repeatedly worked to improve himself, wanting his family to live above others for life.

I’m really afraid that one day my longing for you will turn to ashes, at that moment, how should I cope, how should I face your return?