My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1685: Chapter 1479

Zhang Zhentian heard his father say these words to him, and he suddenly remembered how he once became unscrupulous because of certain things. To destroy those who stabbed him in the back, he spared no effort, sending everyone repeatedly into the abyss of life’s suffering, leaving them with no way to ever escape the pain.

”Dad, living through this life is really exhausting; no one wants to live so intricately. I also want to live freely, unrestrained, but I have never been able to live happily in this life. My life has been too painful. In the eyes of outsiders, I am infinitely glorious; I have avoided the ending I most wanted again and again, but is it really so? Who understands my inner suffering?

I never thought I would one day live so tiredly; I just wanted to live peacefully, without so much pain, without so much mental exhaustion, at least to grow old with the person I love. But I finally discovered that everything I wanted was nothing but a dream; what I wanted, in others’ eyes, was just a joke.

I climbed up step by step with all my might and unscrupulous means just to be with the person I most wanted to be with, to live my life without regrets. But in the end, I still hurt everyone who followed me. None of my actions were ever correct; in hindsight, I realize everything I did was wrong.

Dad, we seldom sit together and talk heart-to-heart like this today; do you know? How much I long for a day when I can live happily, how much I long for a day when I can live harmoniously with my family, but in the end, I get nothing. Even when I return to this home, so what? Few people sincerely wish for my return because the words I said and the things I did have chilled their hearts!

More than anyone, I understand what it means when it’s said there is no greater sorrow than a heart’s death. I’ve made so many mistakes time and time again, but I never realized where I was wrong. Even my apologies were just perfunctory. I never achieved the outcome I wanted most. Ultimately, what are these mistakes, anyway? In the eyes of others, they are just jokes, others laugh at me, but what did I pay?

These years have not been easy for me, but I always silently comfort myself. No matter what mistakes I make, no matter what I lose, as long as I hold on to what I want most deep in my heart, I will eventually achieve my wishes and get what I most want. But in the end, I got nothing; on the contrary, I repeatedly brought harm to my family.

I know that ultimately, it’s because I, as a son, am useless. No matter what I do, I can’t make you happy, and whatever I do, I can’t make my child proud to have me as a father. On the contrary, the pain I’ve caused my child over the years might make my existence as a father a shame for him. I haven’t given him an ounce of fatherly love; instead, I’ve brought him far too much torment and pain, much more than any other child would have to bear, but he had to bear it all.”

Old Master Zhang suddenly didn’t know what to say. How should he respond this time? Is everything his son did really entirely wrong, not one thing right?

Actually, he himself didn’t know. He didn’t know how many mistakes his child had truly made, he didn’t know how much his child had endured, yet never received the slightest relaxation, the slightest compensation.

”Child, since some things have passed, let them dissipate with the smoke and wind; no one should bring them up again. We have said many times that what we most want from each other is to hold on to the beliefs deep in our hearts. Don’t let unnecessary things hurt the people we want the most deep in our hearts.”

”Dad, I’ve thought, should I bow my head to the world and admit my mistakes, actively confess how many mistakes I’ve made; then would the outcome be different? Would the harm I’ve caused all of you be something you could completely forget, and not feel any pain at all?

But it won’t happen; no matter what I do, you will never forgive me deep down because the harm I’ve brought you is something you might never overcome in this life. I’m numb now; I don’t know what I truly want. I am a walking corpse; I’ve forgotten what I most desired in this life, lost the person I loved most. But every mistake I’ve made has to be borne by myself alone; no one will help me bear all these mistakes.

As time goes by, I always thought I would slowly grow up, but finally, I realize I will forever be a child who never grows up, always wanting to be loved and protected by others. But in the end, I kept causing harm, hurting every person who loved me the most, driving them to feel disgust and despair towards me repeatedly!

A life in despair is terrifying; now I am a person in despair, feeling desperate about my life. I don’t know what drastic actions I might take next, I don’t know what to do to retrieve what I most want to salvage.

Sometimes, scary thoughts come into my mind; I wonder if sacrificing my life could possibly retrieve everything I wish to regain. But ultimately, is it really possible?

You know better than anyone that all this is just my wishful thinking. Even if I lost my life, I might not be able to win back the one I love the most in my heart!”

Old Master Zhang couldn’t help but sigh; since ancient times, feelings have wounded people deeply, and he didn’t expect his son to be hurt so deeply by this one word, love. What should his son do to bring his loved one back by his side? He’s willing to give up his life, yet ultimately cannot change her mind. Maybe now, their marital relationship is just in name only.

Perhaps the two of them have long lost any relationship, only remaining in this family to hang on to the final false title...

Are you kidding me? My best feeling for you in my heart has been completely extinguished!