My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1654: Chapter 1448: Prohibition

Xia Jing knew that the things she was doing now were things her husband might never be able to understand or forgive in his lifetime.

In her lifetime, she had behaved too outrageously, repeatedly hurting her husband’s trust in her and the love of all her family.

Sometimes, she had no way to understand such things, let alone expect others to. If certain things happened to her, she might do even more outrageous things. Yet, she repeatedly shifted all the pain onto others. Why was she so selfish? Couldn’t she learn to feel the psychological pressure others had to endure? Why was everything she did always so self-serving? If only she could learn to look forward, to consider what kind of pressure others were under, would she then not do such hurtful things that caused repeated mistakes and failures, letting everyone know what she had become? What should she do to return everything to its original state? Would she let everything go wrong step by step for the rest of her life? Did she really want heaven to torture her with pain again and again?

Zhang Zhentian was really angry when he heard his wife talk about those things. He didn’t expect that the woman he loved deeply was always thinking about another man. How unfair it was for him, who was willing to give up everything, even his family’s hundred-year-old foundation, just for his wife. Why did she have to tell him such a cruel truth?

He thought that, even if his wife didn’t love him, there was no need to tell him these things. Even if he remained in the dark for his entire life, at least he could still live this short, happy life. Why did she have to make him so sad? Why push him into the abyss of pain again and again? In his wife’s eyes, what did she really see him as?

”Xia Jing, I don’t want to say anything to you right now. I just want to ask you one question: in your heart, is it me or your first love who is better? I hope that at this moment, you will tell me the truth about everything, without hiding anything from me. Otherwise, I will have no way to forgive you for the rest of my life. You know, some things are a big taboo for men. No man can tolerate his wife still thinking of another man in her heart, especially if that man has never been forgotten over the years. If you tell the truth, I might choose to never speak to you again for the rest of my life, or we might reach the end of our marriage. Think about it carefully.”

Xia Jing sighed, knowing her husband was giving her an out, that he was looking for a way down for himself. He didn’t believe every word she said because he was afraid it was all true. Such a truth was a tremendous blow for him. His beloved wife was wholeheartedly thinking about another man; how could he bear that as a husband? If it got out, what would others think of him? Perhaps she really never considered his feelings as a husband. Why was she so selfish? Could she not learn to see what kinds of things others might experience? And all those experiences were ultimately caused by her actions.

”Zhentian, I’m sorry, I have to admit that I really, really love my first love. No matter when or where, he is always the most significant person in my heart. My love for him has never changed one bit.

I feel that we have reached a point where there is no need to deceive you anymore. If I continue to deceive you, it would just be irresponsible for you. I don’t want our lives to become so ugly in the future. I always wanted to live happily, to grow up under your protection without worries for the rest of my life. But I forgot that you are human too. You gave everything for me, and in the end, I could only hurt you. My heart is also very painful, but there are some things I have no way to change. The more I face such conclusions, the more I realize that some outcomes are destined, and no matter how I try to change them, there is no way to solve them.

Now that I can openly tell you everything, it proves that I no longer have any fantasies about continuing with you. If you choose to divorce me, I will have no complaints. These things have always been hidden deep in my heart. I have seen you sacrificing everything for me again and again, and my heart hurts every time. I’m not a stone-hearted person; I am moved and feel guilty seeing all you do for me because being with you, I still think of another person. This is truly unfair to you, and you have no way to accept such a thing happening to you. Many times, I am really selfish, but I have no way. I want only my inner happiness, forgetting that you also need my utmost care for you. You are my husband, and many times I only think of you understanding me, but I forget that you also need my understanding. Time and time again, I see you wanting desperately to go home, but because of me, you stay outside accompanying me, never returning. Do you think I don’t feel anything inside? Seeing your eager look but having to stay because of me, the disappointment and dismay showing in your eyes—my heart is truly conflicted. I don’t know what decision I should make that would be best for you. Everything I’ve done has ultimately hurt those who love me most. I don’t understand what meaning my life still has in this world.”

”I’m not afraid to tell you, hearing what you said makes me really angry!”