My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1669: Chapter 1463: Forgetting

”Ah, can you truly understand my bitterness? You will never be able to comprehend, the moment when you watch the night fall again and again in front of you, and your eyes cannot see anything, just like walking by the roadside and seeing only flickering street lights and households opening their night markets, yet the person you love most is not by your side, you are already exhausted and hungry, waiting for him to meet you one last time. Even if there is no return for me in this life, but why does she treat me like this, not willing to give me even the slightest thought? He deletes all memories, leaving me with endless painful recollections, piercing my heart again and again, making me eventually unable to withstand, putting down all my dignity to beg him, but why is he unwilling to come out and meet me?”

”Actually, you probably also think I’m silly and foolish, sacrificing so much for a man who’s unknown, but do you know how much I care about her? The various mistakes because of him that led to our constant quarrels—who can understand the pain in my heart? I gaze at the bright moon in the sky, watching its clean light shine over Dali, while I, like a fool, silently wait there. I have no way to pray for him because I can’t enter where he lives, I can only watch the lights in his dormitory going on and off from afar. Can you imagine how that feels? Although you are my husband, although you’ve shared many hardships with me, you have never experienced such stabbing pain.”

”I’ve made up my mind this life, if he is unwilling to return to me, even being with you won’t bring me happiness. It’s better to separate, allowing me to quietly live the rest of my life. I just want to wait for him there, unchanged for a lifetime. I have sacrificed so much for him, yet it cannot compare to his offerings to me. He would even give up his life for me, but what have I done for him? Being with you is the greatest betrayal to him, it’s natural for him not to forgive me. No matter how much I offer, now in his eyes, it’s just fulfilling a lie of mine. But who knows how much I truly loved her once, a love that words cannot describe? While hoping the sky offers me a little more pity, why do I only receive disdain and strange looks from others? Still, I stand foolishly, sit, squat, waiting, lingering, yet never seeing his presence. Is his indifference towards me that deep?”

”Perhaps you think I’ve never endured such pain, but don’t you realize what you’re doing is causing me the greatest pain? You are my wife, how can you heartlessly say such things to me, praising that man in front of me time and again? What do you take me for in your eyes? You mention him repeatedly so I can ignore it and say nothing, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me internally. Your words also make my heart ache and hurt. I’m just waiting for one person, but why, after all this waiting, do I still not receive a single embrace?”

”Are you really my wife? The things you’ve done are crueler than a stranger. A stranger should be moved by me, right? I’ve given up so much for you, but you, you will never see my love. You humiliate me repeatedly, what am I in your eyes? I look around at the night like you said, can’t even see my hand. You’re waiting for him while I’m waiting for you. When you turn, you can still see me, but you’ve chosen never to look back in this life because you’ve cut off all your retreats. What you want is just him. No matter what I sacrifice, you never see it because your eyes and heart are full of his shadow. You hurt her; you may never have a chance to be happy, but don’t you realize that without you, I will also lose happiness in this life?”

”You’re right; human nature is selfish. But can you, out of my sincere love for you, try handing your heart over to me and let me experience being loved? Over these years, the pain in my heart is no less than yours. I’ve been expecting you to come back to me. All these years, you may have been by my side, but your heart never was. How do you want me to feel?”

”The person I embrace day and night is just a living corpse. In your eyes, am I really not worth your love?”

”Being with me makes you this unhappy?”

Zhang Zhentian grew more frustrated as he spoke; he truly didn’t know how to treat his wife anymore, his constant companionship is nothing but a joke in her eyes!

”Zhentian, it’s not like that. In my eyes, you will always be my friend. I can never fall in love with you in this life. Being with you is your biggest mistake; my presence made you lose a chance to marry into a wealthy family. Do you know how long I’ve felt guilty about it?”

”I wish with all my heart that you could find someone who truly loves you. Everything I’ve done is just to get help, but I never thought that because of what I did, you ended up choosing to be with me. That’s what led to dad being abandoned by you because of me. Do you know how much pain he feels? Why didn’t you consider dad’s feelings back then?”

”He is just a father wanting care from his descendants. Did our actions truly repay the years of his kindness in raising you?”

”Enough, don’t say anymore. None of this has anything to do with you. You’ve already said you don’t want to be with me now. Do you know how much it hurts me to hear you say these things? You make me feel afraid now, do you realize the pain your actions have caused me?”

”Can’t people learn not to be so selfish? Can you sometimes think of others? Why do you have to let people who love you get hurt one by one...”

Endless harm without respite.