My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1677: Chapter 1471: Drifting

Since he left, no one else has been able to enter my heart. I know I should learn to be happy and not continue in silence.

But I really can’t pretend none of this ever happened.

Zhang Zhentian and Xia Jing will never know why they are too afraid to face the consequences of their own mistakes.

They both thought that after living so many years, they would naturally be able to accept their errors. But when faced with these mistakes, they were terrified.

Although everyone has moments of fear and everyone dreads others knowing their faults, truly facing one’s mistakes is what a brave person should do, isn’t it? Yet why do we refuse to take responsibility for our own errors? Ultimately, it’s because of the fear of losing the other person completely, even when they are still in our hearts. We deny their existence, hoping to distance ourselves emotionally, to train ourselves not to miss a life we don’t belong to anymore.

”In fact, we are the same; neither of us is right or wrong. We let go of unforgivable errors, and neither of us knows how to correctly handle our mistakes. It’s not just you; it’s me too. I can’t face my mistakes properly, let alone you. No one is a Saint; no one is perfect or free from mistakes. But courage is found in taking responsibility for those mistakes.

I know I won’t have another chance in this lifetime to act like this, but if there ever comes a day when we’re together, we mustn’t act this way!” Xia Jing said to Zhang Zhentian.

Perhaps in the eyes of the humble, he thought saying such words wasn’t a big deal. But to his ex-husband, these words gave him a glimmer of hope, thinking that if he tried harder, maybe his wife would return to him. But will the outcome really be like this? Can broken feelings truly return to their original state? Can a lost marriage become as loving as it once was? No one can give her a certain answer, and even he felt like he was joking with himself when he made this decision, deceiving himself — so what about others?

”I don’t know what I must do for you to choose to come back to me. Maybe in this life, we won’t have any unforgettable opportunities. But when I see you cry, my heart still aches with you, hurting even more than yours. I fear your tears because the last thing I want to see is the woman I love most shedding tears. Once, when we were together, I never gave you a day of happiness, nor could I fulfill your desires, which became a form of hurt to you. To me, it demonstrated that I couldn’t even have the basic heart to shoulder responsibility as a man. This weakness is what led to our current state. I’m truly afraid, afraid that one day we’ll stop contacting each other completely. What kind of agony would my heart endure at that moment? I don’t ask for much. I only hope the person I love can accompany me a little longer. Is that too much to ask? But in the end, I shattered my own marriage with my hands, drove away the person I loved most, and turned my originally potentially happy family into this fragmented state.

To be honest, faced with such an outcome, no man’s heart wouldn’t ache. Who doesn’t want a perfect life? Who doesn’t wish for the affection of the person they love most for a lifetime? But I got so much of your love throughout my life, and yet that fell back on me. Perhaps that’s why Heaven punishes me so I can never have you again, because I lost the person I loved most, the one who loved me most abandoned me. How can I hope for Heaven’s forgiveness for my self-induced errors? No one will selflessly stand behind you forever buying your mistakes?

Hearts are mutual, and a wounded heart can never return to its original state. Even if you give up everything, you still won’t achieve the desired original look. The past is past. Precisely because I see it all with such indifference, I now understand what it means to feel heart-wrenching, soul-piercing pain. No one can understand that feeling, leaving me to my solitude, struggling bitterly, like being in the abyss of agony where you can’t see your fingers in front of you. I’m scared, fearing that the person I love most leaves me, afraid that the people who love me also leave me. I fear losing everything I once didn’t care about. I thought I could be detached and love-less, but eventually, I realized you’d long filled my heart, and doing so is now impossible, to treat you emotionlessly like before.

”Haha...

Don’t you find your words meaningless now? The way you once treated me, Heaven now returns to you — as you once made me feel heartbroken, Heaven wouldn’t stand by and now seeks justice for me. I just didn’t expect it to be in this way, not only hurting you but also our families. Had I known this was how justice would be served, I’d rather endure grievances for a lifetime than have the heavens avenge me.

Many times, you still understand what you have done. In your heart, you know you didn’t do what’s right for everyone involved. Have you ever considered this? Clearly, with success in both career and love, the person beside you suddenly demands divorce, wants ruthlessly to abandon you, throws you into an abyss of despair. Would your heart still be stable? Could it still lead a plain life as desired? Could you quietly lead your life, obscure, without any attachments? Who can do so without any emotional burdens!

Now faced with such an outcome, none of us can face anyone else. Stop saying I can’t face you, and you can’t face me either. Since neither of us can confront it, let’s not entangle more, a painful entanglement is just the wound being torn open again, and salt poured over it, once more!

Indeed, I see through a lot, but I have always forgotten I should have kept her by my side.