My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1584: Chapter 1378: Utterly Ridiculous

Zhang Zhentian just couldn’t understand, why his father refused to give him a way out. He always wanted to live a few more days in this world, just to spend more time with his family in this home, but what did the repeated endings bring him?

Reflecting on the many years of longing to return to this home, it was only when he truly came back that he realized everything was just a mirage in his dreams. Nothing allowed him to achieve his goals, and repeatedly, what he desired was ultimately out of reach, repeatedly destroyed by his family.

The things he wanted were clearly within reach, yet unattainable, unownable, and instead, he had to suffer his family’s repeated sabotages. Those feelings of discomfort and torment, or maybe everything was a path he had to walk alone, with no one else able to replace him. He saw things more clearly than anyone.

Xia Jing could hardly bear to see a well-off family turn into this state. Everything happened after he returned home, and if it was truly because of his return that these things happened, then he would rather leave alone than let anyone in the family suffer. This outcome wasn’t what he wanted most. Time after time, this result turned him self-confident, yet the things he wanted were never attainable, and the deep pain inside was something few could understand.

”I think none of you need to argue over these matters anymore. If my return turned these matters into this state, I’m willing to leave alone, to bear all the consequences. I’m willing to leave once more, never to step through this door again. I also hope you can return to that previously harmonious and peaceful life, the kind of life I could offer you. My repeated appearances have led to repeated changes, causing everyone at home to have conflicts and arguments because of me. I am deeply unable to be at peace. I can’t let my family suffer repeated torment because of me, while I sit carefree, waiting for my family to be battered and bruised, gazing innocently at you—I can’t do it!

Now I’ve seen everything, because I’ve learned that even if I place great importance on everything, the final outcome may not be what I desire. I’ve traded for pain again and again. I feel I’ve done my best, but I’ve only let you down, as you’re the ones I’ve hurt the most in this lifetime. How I wish these things never happened, though they have become fact. I have no way to change them, nor any way to make them never have happened.

If my leaving can stop all of you from fighting, then I feel my sacrifice is meaningful. But if my departure means you continue fighting, then I don’t understand the meaning of my actions. Everything I do is purposeful—you know it too. I’ve always been someone who pursues goals relentlessly, stopping at nothing to achieve them!

You understand me more than anyone else because you’ve known my every action is wrong. My inner self is constantly battling, with each struggle leaving me no way to face the past pains. I’m so afraid, afraid everyone will only bring me harm. All I want is for you to live happily and safely, yet ultimately, I can give you nothing.

Dad, it’s my fault for returning, resulting in harm to everyone at home. If time could come back, I definitely wouldn’t return home. I would keep my initial promise of leaving, never stepping inside again. That way, you would be spared some harm, living each day less fearfully. All of these harms are my doing, leaving me deeply guilty. Yet, I have no choice. I supported your decision to come back because I missed you all, wanted a home, wanted the companionship of my family. But now I must choose to leave, as my return has hurt you. My departure is the best outcome for you.”

Zhang Yichen never imagined that one day his mother would make such a decision. After all the effort to return home, she ultimately chose to leave, just because of the constant arguments happening at home, just because his wife had become this way. Are all these faults really with his parents? Is his wife truly blameless? If her mind was a little more open, if her heart was a little more generous, it wouldn’t be like this, and he wouldn’t be caught in a difficult position. What should he do? If his parents leave again, he would completely lose contact with them. Should he really let this happen? After waiting for so many years, struggling to reunite with family, why must they choose to leave again? Why must they repeat the cycle of hurting him? In their eyes, what does he count for—a tool to be hurt at will, or a pawn to be easily used?

Sometimes she really didn’t think her parents were such people, hoping they’d give him a way out, knowing how difficult his parents’ life had been.

Has he really had it easy, not suffering at all? These years he’s lived cautiously every day, fearful of getting hurt inadvertently by others, afraid his family would be rejected due to his incompetence. Time and again, he worked hard to improve himself, ensuring his family would always live above others.