My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1551: Chapter 1345: Courage

It takes courage to love someone, even if your love for him consumes all of your courage. Perhaps he doesn’t love you, but maybe the moment you give everything for him, he chooses to treat you with the most sincere heart.

All the courage is merely to get close to you, even if just one centimeter falling in love with you. It’s the bet I made, and it’s a risky gamble I’ve taken. Actually, I’m quite apprehensive. If I hadn’t learned about promises, would you still love me?

Zhang Yichen now thinks his father’s years of experiences outside have been simply colorful life experiences. He hasn’t been through them, but he also wants to roam a few times, live for himself with reckless abandon. But over the years, he’s been pursuing his goals, wanting to prove to the world that he’s a good man. However, he forgot what he ultimately wanted.

”Dad, do you know? When I heard you talk about your life experiences, deep inside, I felt mostly admiration for you. I respect you even more, being able to recklessly live outside for so long, living freely just for your own happiness. But I can’t. My whole life, I’ve been rushing for everyone in the family, never knowing what it’s like to live alone. I haven’t tried living alone, not knowing how to live by myself!”

Maybe because our experiences differ, your attitude towards everything will be different, right? You lived happily, freely, and leisurely outside, but what about me? I’ve been here undergoing devilish training. At that time, I really hated you. I’ve said this hundreds of times. I’ve declared to the world that I truly hate you. I don’t want to admit you are my parents because you never stayed by my side accompanying me. You only ever gave me hurt as parents. You never fulfilled the responsibility you should have as parents. Instead, you hurt us time and time again. Perhaps deep inside, you think I don’t deserve to be your son.

It’s exactly because I’m afraid you think I don’t deserve to be your son that I gave everything of myself. I spent my youth, my time, my childhood entirely on training because I wanted you to know I am truly your son. I’m fit to be your son. Are you really fit to be my parents? Actually, more than anyone, you know deep inside you’re not the most suitable people. There are far better parents in the world, as well as impoverished parents who can painstakingly stay by their child’s side regardless of hardship or exhaustion. But what about you?

You leave when there’s even a little wind or grass movement, unwilling to stay by your child’s side. You treat your child like weeds, wanting them when you want, discarding them when you want. Where does that leave me as your son? In what position? From the beginning till now, I don’t know the weight I hold in your hearts because I don’t understand why you’d rather wander outside than stay by my side. Is staying by my side really that painful? Or is it that deep inside, I’m only fit to be here?

Mom and Dad, there are things I really don’t want to repeat again and again because they just hurt the inner depths time and time again. Whenever I think of the years you abandoned me, whenever I think of the childhood hardships I went through alone, enduring others’ ridicule, it cuts like a knife in my heart.

But I have no choice. I truly have no choice. It’s so easy to just put everything in the past behind. You can dismiss any past event, treating them as if they never happened. But I can’t go back because those are the wounds others inflicted on me, putting the pain on me!

I genuinely wish time could rewind. I wish more than anyone that time could rewind a bit. I wouldn’t be living as hard as I am now.

As long as time retreats a bit, I could live happily and joyfully. I wouldn’t give up my childhood, let it live in painful memories. Now, whenever I recall the things I’ve been through, and think of little parts of my childhood, I can hardly believe—was this really a child’s childhood? Why are others’ childhoods bright and beautiful while mine is dark and damp?

All are children, so why is there such a big gap in childhoods? It’s because I was born into a wealthy family, and must accept the fate of being abandoned by parents, accept falling repeatedly, then getting up resiliently, smiling at everyone’s mockery?

I’m unwilling, truly unwilling. You are unwilling about many things. So why can’t my heart be unwilling once? After giving so much, why is the end result still like this? Knowing this outcome earlier, why did I choose to reincarnate in your womb, why did you give birth to me, making me bear such pain?”

”Child, don’t say anymore. We know how you’ve been through these years. You’ve had a hard and tough time. Everything you achieved was through your own effort. You never asked anyone for help. Because of this, deep inside, we as parents feel even more sympathetic. We never intended to bring you such harm. We only wanted you to live a peaceful and steady life over this lifetime.

But why did I bring you such pain in the end? Time and again, being a parent seems meaningless. I don’t know how to give my child a happy and peaceful family anymore!

You’re right. As parents, we are indeed not qualified parents because we haven’t given you the slightest responsibility. Instead, we brought you much pain. Can your heart hate me? But don’t vent it on your mom. Your mom did all this because she had no choice. I forced her. She never thought of abandoning you. She never thought of giving up you, her biological son. When she held you, I was pulling her to leave, yet she wouldn’t let go. She cared because you are the child she bore for ten painstaking months, linked by blood!”

”Actually, who’s to blame doesn’t matter anymore. Today, I just wanted to pour out all the ideas I’ve had for so many years deep inside. I don’t want to trap myself in a little room forever. I don’t want to live in painful memories for a lifetime. I just want you to know I forgive you. Without forgiving you, I wouldn’t have said these words to you because I don’t have that obligation or responsibility to make your inner depths let go of guilt!”

Listening to the sound of falling meteors in the night sky, perhaps this wish is to let you hear that I truly love you.