My Alleged Husband

Chapter 725: Chapter 695 Let Go!_1

Xia Jing heard the tone with which her husband was speaking to her and knew her actions had thoroughly infuriated him. Why was she still doing this now? Why was she tirelessly pushing every person who loved her to a dead end, relentlessly driving all who loved her by her side? What benefit could she possibly gain from such actions when, in the end, the one suffering unbearably would still be herself? Yet, why couldn’t she ever learn to humble herself, forsaking all her dignity and principles for a man, but when it came to her current husband, why couldn’t she do the same?

For Zhang Zhengping, hearing his wife proclaim in front of him how wonderful the man she loved in her heart was, ignited an unnamed fire within him. He wanted to unleash this fire at his wife, but he was utterly helpless. He knew that if he were to do so, he would be no better than a beast. Each time he heard about such matters, the rage and unwillingness in his heart grew, questioning why his many years of devotion and companionship had resulted in nothing, why his earnest affections were just exploited by her in the end.

Sometimes he really didn’t know what he meant in the eyes of his wife. Couldn’t she show even the slightest compliance towards him? Did she have to corner him step by step until he was utterly defeated before she was satisfied, happy, joyous?

Why is it that a person’s heart can never be reciprocated, and how much more must one give for everything to return to its original state? He wished to have known her before everyone else, to win her heart, and not just to fill a void. If, in the end, he could only fill that void, becoming a walking corpse, then why shouldn’t he let her go to find the man she truly loves? But what of his family’s interests then? Where would his father’s many years of hard-earned reputation go? Why must he face such choices? His desires weren’t much to ask for – simply to have the woman he loves remain by his side. But why does fate always cruelly mock him time and again?

To others, these jokes might seem trivial, a mere trifle, but to him, they were deeply etched scars of pain. The woman he wanted stood before him, yet he couldn’t possess her, forced to watch as she pined for another man in her heart and on her lips, a man who was never him. How unfair was this to him? Couldn’t fate be a little fairer to him, even if just for once, to at least allow him a place in her heart?

Hatred often accumulates bit by bit, and now Zhang Zhentian hated fate; he hated everyone who wronged her. He didn’t know what to do. He, for a woman, had forsaken his entire family, and yet in the end, that woman’s love was not for him. How ironic was that, he wondered, why couldn’t his years of loyalty and affection ever earn a true heart in return?

”Xia Jing, oh Xia Jing, I don’t want to ask for much – just one question: in all these years, haven’t you ever loved me even a little? Haven’t you ever had the slightest flutter of affection for me? Haven’t I moved you even in the slightest after all I’ve done for you? Don’t you know how much pain your words cause in my heart? What I want really isn’t much – it’s already very little. It’s enough for me to have you stay by my side. What does enduring humiliation matter? I have given up everything in the world for you, but why do you deal me such heavy blows? What am I to you? Am I even less than a Servant?

Even strangers would be moved by my sacrifice for them and would be grateful, but why can I not see any affection from you? I only see your disdain. In your heart, am I truly incomparable to her? You would give up everything, including your life, for her, but not for me. You continually back me into a corner with no way out, while you could never bear to do the same to her; you only hope she can live a happy and joyful life. What about me? Should I bear all the pain and sorrow? I am not a Saint; I hope to receive love and care from my wife, but you have never given that to me. Even knowing the truth, that the man by your side in bed, in your heart, is not me, do you realize how heartbroken I am?”

”In fact, I really want to say to you, let go. Why suffer so much for me? Your sacrifices – I do not turn a blind eye; rather, I don’t know how to respond because each person has their own inner torment. Do you understand how much I suffer? What I want is truly not much, just a simple life. But what have you given me over the years? Did you give me a simple and ordinary life? Wandering the world with you, although I was well-provided for, it was not happiness. Only when I am with him do I feel truly happy, joyous, and blissful. Do you realize that with him, I often inadvertently reveal my most genuinely happy smile, yet I have never done so with you?”

”So, in your heart, I am so oblivious? To you, I’m just an unworthy fool, aren’t I? But do you know how much I have changed for you, how many times I’ve tried, over and over, to please you, sacrificing everything I cherished only to be met with distrust from you? No matter what I do, in your eyes, I’ll never measure up to him. If that’s the case, why did you bother with me in the first place? If you did not love me, why did you choose to be with me only to deal me such a deep and heavy blow eventually, depriving me of any future happiness? Is this really what your heart desired?”

”I can hardly believe it!”