My Alleged Husband

Chapter 714: Chapter 684: Regretful?_1

Xia Jing listened to her husband utter these words, feeling certain that he must regret everything he had done, the many sacrifices made for her sake. Time and time again she had hurt him, damaging the most sincere affections he harbored for her. Now, on what grounds could she expect him to love her as before, with such devoted and undying passion? If that were truly the case, wouldn’t her husband be incredibly naive and absurd — heartbreakingly laughable? Despite knowing that the woman he loved did not love him back, he persisted in his devoted attentions. What would others think when they saw this?

”Zhentian, perhaps there are some things in your heart that you simply cannot forget. I know there are matters you consider very important. But do you know? There are also things I am powerless to change. Everyone yearns for their own life, their own happiness to live for. You’ve given up far too much for me, while I, out of my own selfishness, ruthlessly abandoned you, causing you pain. I remember all your love for me, but I am unable to reciprocate because the man I truly love isn’t you.

Sometimes I think you’re incredibly foolish and naive for believing that your all-encompassing sacrifice could secure my heartfelt love in return. But is that really the case? A person’s heart in this lifetime can truly accept only one person. Once they do, it’s not so easy to let go, no matter what. Now that I have accepted him, I really don’t know how to tell you these things; I don’t know how to explain myself so that you understand the torment and agony in my heart.

You may think I live a carefree, untroubled life now, but do you have any idea how conflicted I am inside? By hurting the person who loved me most, I experience a deep pain within. It’s not that I am oblivious to the love you have for me or deaf to the words you speak. I just don’t know how to respond, for there is already someone deep in my heart. I have given him all of my love, and for him, I have given all my affection. If I were to say ’I love you’ to you now, wouldn’t that be deceitful? I clearly don’t love you, so why utter such tender words and lead you further and deeper down this path, until you’re unable to extricate yourself?

I truly don’t hope that our relationship reaches that point — a place that is not the life I desire. I only wish that, no matter what, we can live joyfully as good friends, leading the lives we each want without interfering in each other’s affairs. Isn’t that wonderful? At least this way, we maintain the face of our families and prevent my father from suffering the slightest harm due to this affair. Previously, our selfish desires hurt our son’s lifelong happiness. We should have foreseen that a day like this would come, but we never anticipated it would arrive so soon!”

How could Zhang Zhentian not understand his wife’s actions or comprehend what lay in the depths of her heart? Her heart was clear to him, but he was at a loss, unsure how to resolve these issues or what to say. When certain things happen, they just happen, and there’s no way to change them. Everyone must pay a dear price for their past actions. Once, in the name of love, he had been willing to give everything without a second thought, willing to abandon his entire family for her, forsaking his closest and most beloved relatives. But time after time, by committing such appalling acts, he had to wonder where that left him. He never once considered the intense pain and conflict within his husband’s heart. Why did she choose to live so selfishly, causing only deep wounds to the happiest people in her life, leaving scars that might never heal?

”Xia Jing, do you truly refuse to give up on him and come back to my side to continue living a joyful life? If you’re willing, I am still ready to love you with all my heart, willing to forsake everything, at any cost, even my own life, if only you would sincerely be with me, not thinking of someone who shouldn’t be in your heart. It will exhaust you, and it will tear my heart apart to watch you daydream time and time again, knowing your thoughts are not simple. But I never imagined that the man you long for, the other man you think about, would reduce me to this state.

If you can agree to stay by my side, devoted to a life with me, not dwelling on unworthy thoughts, then I can guarantee a lifetime of happiness for you, free of any pain. I will treat you as I always did, and I won’t let anyone know what has transpired between us. I’ll pretend none of this ever happened, but only if you’re willing. You should carefully consider what decision to make, the decision that’s truly best for you. Don’t make me suffer once more from a choice that wounds my heart!”

Upon hearing her husband’s words, Xia Jing felt deeply torn and pained. It’s not that she was unaware of certain things; she simply chose to stay silent, uncertain of how to speak.

How could she not be aware of her husband’s profound affection for her after so many years? How could she possibly fail to understand what kind of man her husband was, knowing his words were always final? But she was genuinely unable to pretend as if none of it had happened, left facing a happiness that was at once both joyful and painful.

Happiness often comes intertwined with pain. In truth, if one cannot find happiness, then inevitably, one day they will find joy and, also, anguish.

”I don’t want to say anything else. I just want to ask you one question. Do you regret all that you sacrificed for me over the years? Do you feel particularly remorseful now for giving up so much, when, in the end, I never truly reciprocated...”