My Alleged Husband

Chapter 719: Chapter 689 Difficult Life_1

In this world, there can’t be that many tragic things, that every person has to pay an equivalent price for the mistakes they’ve made. No one willingly subjects themselves to undue suffering and grievances. Who doesn’t owe you, and why should they remain devotedly by your side after you’ve hurt them again and again? Perhaps that’s just the nature of the human heart, unable to exchange for another’s affection.

Everyone lives in their own pain, which may not be important to others, but is crucial to oneself. The life one desires, why is it always so unattainable? What must one do in a lifetime to win back the heart of the person they loved the most?

Watching him delete all contact information, watching him erase all the memories, my heart felt as if it were being sliced by a knife, each stab piercing directly into my heart. The pain was so severe I couldn’t breathe, and yet no one cared about how I felt. Reflecting on the harm I had caused her, her heart must have been incredibly aggrieved.

The pain I once inflicted upon her, I would eventually experience how heart-wrenching that pain genuinely was. No one could understand what I did wrong this past year, or how much I’ve suffered. Time and again, I’d wake from nightmares. With every blink, his shadow filled my mind, and I’d inadvertently remember every phase I went through with him.

Sometimes, I can’t even understand how I was capable of making such a heartless decision to abandon her, to cast aside my own heart, and then what? Watching him beg me desperately, yet I cold-heartedly pushed him away—how can one understand the pain in a person’s heart? It’s just like this. Who could know how much pain and despair one should live with their entire life? No one can understand the pain in my heart, the eager attempts to understand, only to be repaid with even more heartbreaking pain.

”Zhentian, the biggest mistake of our lives was that I should never have treated you as a backup, choosing to be with you hurt the person who loved me the most. If I could do it all over again, I would give up everything. I thought I’d live under his shadow forever, and I didn’t want to be with you. Do you know how happy I was with him? A happiness you or anyone else has never given me, a happiness only I know, a bliss beyond anyone else’s understanding. Can’t you see what result you’ve brought upon me each time? The heartaches you’ve inflicted, yet I had no choice but to be with you in the end!”

No one has ever felt the pain I’ve endured these years. Perhaps none of you understand the agony inside me. If one day you could experience all the pain I’ve been through, would you still treat me this way? These years, I’ve lived in constant guilt, tormenting myself, enduring the pain all this brought me. I can only meet him in my dreams because I’m too afraid to see him, too scared to look for her. The pain of seeing him holding hands with someone else is something I can’t bear now!”

”I can’t believe you’re still so deluded. What’s the point of all this? I’m your husband, standing right in front of you, and yet you discuss another man’s love with me. What am I to you? Don’t you realize how embarrassing this is for me? What am I to you, if you keep doing this? Can’t you leave me with a shred of dignity? I gave up everyone for you, abandoned all my pride. Why can’t you ever consider things from my perspective!

Can you not be so selfish when you act? Think about how much I love you. My love for you is as clear as day and never changed, despite all the wrongs you’ve done me. When have I ever resented you? Why can’t you appreciate my love, continuing to do this, while my heart still aches, yet I have no way to tell you because I don’t know how. I regard you as the most important person in my life. Why do you treat me this way? For you, I would give up my own child, my own father. Is it all for the man you’ve always had in your heart?

Have you ever considered my position, how unbearably painful it’s been for me, undergoing this pain again and again? What must I do for you to understand my agony? For years, I’ve lived in anguish, wanting what I can never have. I don’t know when you will give it to me, but do you realize how much I truly love you? For you, I’d give up everything again, but why won’t you treat me the same?

If I could start over, I would pursue you at all costs, keeping you by my side. Everyone is selfish, disregarding everything for their love. You can leave me for him, refuse to love me, but I can’t treat you like he does. You might think I’m foolish and naive for still treating you this way, but it’s not just because I love you. You’ve been with me for many years, and the feelings you give me are different from everyone else’s. Although I feel overshadowed in your life, sometimes unable to comprehend why you would say those things, do those things, do you know I am grateful to have met you? Meeting you is the happiest thing in my life, and often I don’t know how to express it, but I just want to show you through my actions that I truly love you!

Love isn’t just talk; it must be proven through actions. If I love you, I wouldn’t hurt you repeatedly. Don’t you know how much your constant hurting affects me? I don’t want the person in your heart to not be me!”