My Alleged Husband

Chapter 707: Chapter 677: Love Only Him!_1

I understand now. When my husband asked that question, he was simply seeking a sense of psychological balance. He couldn’t accept that the person he loved most fell for someone else, while he was relegated to being the perennial backup. His heart must have been in agony too. But some things can’t be forgotten or changed just because you say so. Everyone’s life is the path they walk themselves, and the choices I make ultimately decide the final outcome I’ll have to face in my lifetime.

”To be honest, I don’t know how to explain this to you. When I’m with you, I don’t feel that heartbeat-skipping sensation, but when I’m with him, I do because I love her. I would sacrifice anything for her, hoping that I could see him at every moment of my life. Just the ability to see him every day would make me happy. You might not understand what this feels like, but I have no way to describe to you the kind of heart-stirring feeling it is!”

”I get it now. In your heart, I’m just a plaything. Maybe you never really loved me at all. But do you have any idea how deeply I’ve loved you? I’m hopelessly in love with you, and I doubt I’ll ever be able to extricate myself. All I wanted was a stable and happy life. I never thought about what kind of ending I might face in life, but I thought having you by my side would be enough for me to be content!

”Maybe I was just too foolish, too fixated. You never had me in your heart, yet I made you my everything. How foolish am I? If I had known this would be the outcome, why would I have ever acted this way? I’m filled with such regret, regretting all the love I’ve given you, only for you to ultimately discard me completely!

”If you had told me these words before I fell in love with you, I wouldn’t be heartbroken or in pain. But why did you choose to reveal these cruel truths after I fell for you? Is this how you treat me? Can’t you see any of my feelings for you? Why are you so heartless to me? I’m a man too, and I have my pride and dignity. For you, I could abandon everything, even my principles and pride. So why are you so cruel to me?”

When Xia Jing heard her husband say all this, how could his heart not ache? Some things he wasn’t unaware of. He simply chose not to speak because he didn’t know how to explain them. Everyone has their own troubles. To say that everyone lives in the abyss of pain would imply that no one has an easy life; everyone is enduring suffering.

”Since you so want to know whether I truly love you or love him, then what’s the harm in telling you? I can’t deny that I never had that heartbeat-skipping feeling for you, so I never loved you. In my heart, I only love her. I would sacrifice everything for her because I believe that one day she will return to me. Even if I end up having to walk away from him, just seeing his silhouette is happiness and joy to me. Maybe you’ll think I’m foolish, but you don’t realize this is the most genuine kind of love I have for him. It’s something you can’t understand. I haven’t loved many in my life, but once I love sincerely, I love with all my heart until the end, no matter what fate has in store for me. I will never live to see a day of regret!”

”It seems I really don’t measure up to her. In your eyes, it’s always his merits you speak of; you never consider any faults he might have. You’ve etched his kindness into your heart, a kind of love that can’t be expressed in words and can’t be replaced by anyone. I understand now, your heart only has room for him, while to you, I’m just someone expendable. If he came back to you, would you get rid of me without a second thought? Is that it?”

Xia Jing truly didn’t know what to say. Saying it out loud would irrevocably harm the last thread of their marital relationship. Yet, not addressing it would make everything awkward and passive. Why must she face such a choice again? Was it so hard to merely live a stable life? Time and again, her choices, her decisions, seemed only to shatter everything completely in the end.

”I’m sorry, I really don’t love you. I haven’t any love for you in my heart. Right now, in the depth of my heart, I only love her. For her, I could indeed forsake all. But with you, I just don’t have those feelings. How could I stay with you?

You must realize deep down that some things can’t be forced. There’s love, and then there’s the lack of it. Even if you stay by my side against your will, happiness won’t follow, will it? You knew all of this, so why do you insist on asking me these difficult questions? You’re also giving me dilemmas. Haven’t you considered that? I don’t want to say anything more. I just hope we can spend the rest of our days in happiness, however brief. If seeing you smile with joy is enough, then by revealing everything to you today, it means I’m no longer planning to hide anything from you. Even if the outcome isn’t what I wish to see, I accept it wholeheartedly!

I can’t bear the torment of longing over and over again; that kind of yearning could drive me mad. I’m on the verge of breaking down, enduring the longing deep in my heart over and over. Lying in your embrace time and time again, I think of where the one I love most might be. I never anticipated becoming so passive. I just wanted to live peacefully, but why has it become so difficult for me? Why so many challenges, with no way to resolve them?

This time, I’ve wronged you and hurt you. I wish in the next life I could be your wife; that time, I would love you properly, with all my heart and soul, never treating you like this. It is my fault for hurting you this time...”