World’s Cutest Alchemist

Light peeked through the thin blinds, illuminating the bedroom. Speckles of dust danced in the rays of sunlight, floating around before disappearing into the darkness.

“Haah…” I yawned, turning over in my bed and covering my head with the cold side of the pillow.

“Too early…” I mumbled.

I fell back asleep.

…

A few hours later, I was making breakfast. It was nothing difficult, just bacon and eggs.

The delectable scent of bacon wafted throughout the kitchen and soon, a delicious plate of food sat on the table.

If it could talk it’d be saying “Please eat me!” and if it had eyes it’d be giving me the most seductive look a plate of food could give.

Of course, I indulged.

“Mm!” I happily chewed.

Bacon was best chewy but also with a little bit of crisp. The proper way to eat was to dip the crispy ends of the pork into the egg yolk and happily much away.

It was a little regretful that I didn’t have bread to toast. Since after I was finished with the bacon, the correct method would be combining the toast and egg to make an egg sandwich.

But alas, these sunny-side up eggs will have to do.

My fork plunged into the egg white a bit harder than necessary since I wasn’t used to these small hands.

“Yum!” I munched away.

…

After cleaning and putting away the plate, I sipped water through a large straw. Both of my hands wrapped around the large cup.

“Paaah!” A breath of relief escaped.

With my thirst quenched and my hunger saturated, it was time to address the elephant in the room.

Stepping onto a step-stool with my small feet, I stared into the mirror.

“Who are you?” A cutesy, young voice came out.

The girl who replied had a height in her 140’s; Beautiful blonde hair cascaded down her sides and back. Purple, amethyst-like eyes, large like jewels stared into mine; She had a small and cute face with porcelain skin. Tiny hands pressed against the glass, mirroring mine. The only clothing she wore was a large, oversized white shirt which gave her the cute ‘boyfriend shirt’ look.

Yes. It was me.

Only two traces of my male self remained: The shirt and the blondness of my hair.

Just how did this happen?

…

Before going to bed, I had this one ‘objectively’ terrible habit.

Trolling on a gallery.

There was no real reason for it, I just found it fun. Anonymous communication with others, unfiltered opinions and gambling on what kind of post you’ll click on.

It was kind of like a game.

One particular gallery that was fun to explore was the ‘Awakener Dream Gallery’. There, you’ll mostly see people RPing as awakeners or tower climbers, or people discussing trending topics about them.

There was also the occasional despair post about someone desperately wanting to awaken, but the comments weren’t exactly friendly to those types.

Anyway, I decided to upload a troll post for the fun of it.

[Wowowow NEW Awakening Method!!]

Author: BinLover

Just found out this NEW method to awaken! 100% success rate!

With just these 4 simple steps you, yes, YOU can awaken today!

Step 1 - Wash yourself thoroughly, make sure every nook and cranny of your body is clean.

Step 2 - Lay down in your bed and close your eyes until you fall asleep.

Step 3 - ???

Step 4 - You’ve awoken! Congratulations!

→ LOLOL Trying this tonight.

→ Big if true.

→ You bitch, I believed you!!!

→ He’s not lying, we will wake up…

→ LOLOLOL

→ WHAT’S STEP 3?!?!?

→ Top tier shitpost

→ It’s you again, King?

→ Take this down IMMEDIATELY.

→ Can anyone confirm this?

↳ Can confirm, just tried it and I awoke.

↳ This works 100%

↳ Tried it last night, didn’t awake. This is fraudulent.

…

“Hehe…” I giggled, remembering the post I made before quickly shaking my head.

“That’s besides the point,” I reaffirmed myself, “I don’t particularly think I did anything worthy of awakening?”

Usually, there’s clear-cut reasons why someone would TS and awaken. Like writing a 5700 character hate comment under someones novel, or playing a game for 10,000 hours.

Some people even ate dirt for 30 days.

While others had to survive some sort of land eel.

I did none of that and only wrote a troll post? The only other things I did yesterday was watch YouTube and draw.

Hm…No matter how much I think about it, I can’t think of any reason I’d suddenly become a girl.

I stared at the girl in the mirror as if wondering why she wouldn’t answer my questions.

“Did I even awaken or did I just become a girl?” I suddenly wondered.

It didn’t take long to confirm my status.

Class - Alchemist

Skills

~ ~ ~

[Plant Growth] - Rank E (Bronze)

Accelerates the growth rate of plants.

Traits

~ ~ ~

None

“Alchemist…?”

Those were the crazy people in lab coats who sat around cauldrons wickedly laughing while tossing in all sorts of chemicals, right?

Imagining myself doing that didn’t particular give me strength. The girl in my head just looked like a child cutely playing around.

“Hm…Plant growth.”

Did it want me to become a botanist or something? How was growing plants even related to alchemy?

Weren’t awakeners supposed to climb the tower? How was I supposed to do that with this body and skills? I’d die on the first floor.

“I guess there’s no real reason why I need to climb the tower, right?” I looked at the girl tilting her head in the mirror.

She seemed to agree with me.

Anyways, after I adapt to my new body, it doesn’t feel like much will actually change in my life. Living simply is always the answer.

…

As I thought, day-to-day life hadn’t been much different. It took me around two weeks to get used to my new self.

Since I didn’t leave the house much even before awakening, I didn’t have problems there either. If I had to name one inconvenience it’d be drying my hair. What took a simple towel and two minutes before, now took multiple towels and half an hour.

There was one major change though.

[Alchemist Gallery]

→ [Anyone know a good substitute to Ash-Wolf saliva?]

→ [Slime mucus and their uses]

→ [Simple Sensitivity Potion]

→ [Paired a goblin and slime together and got these SPICY results]

And that was the Alchemist gallery. Just like my status, it appeared as a floating holographic screen. It seemed to be comprised of only alchemists like me.

After creating an account, I didn’t interact with it much and only read through posts occasionally. I didn’t really understand any of their gibberish and technological terms, so I couldn’t troll as I did before.

Another small change in my daily life was that I started a home garden. Just simple flower pots and plants, but I started learning about gardening to make use of my skill.

Standing in front of the flower pot on the windowsill, I gently touched the soil with my finger tips.

“Grow! Grow! Grow up big and strong!” I sang to the little sprout as mana left my body.

There wasn’t any real reason I sang, I just thought it would help encourage my plant friend.

Other than that, I’d sit at my computer desk all day. Since I worked as a freelance artist, no problems came from my sudden awakening.

Well, other than the issue with my ID. But I just have to avoid anything that requires identification, don’t I?

“Hmm~” I hummed, watering my plants.

These days, I don’t even wear pants around the house. My shirt was big enough that it acted like a dress.

Life sure was great.

…

Life sucks.

I may or may not have overspent on my garden.

What?! It was funner than I expected! Who could have known that it’d be so expensive!

How was I supposed to know that after making all these pricey purchases, I wouldn’t get a single commission in two weeks?

“Haah,” I sighed. There was nothing I could do about it.

At this rate, I won’t be able to afford rent next month.

I flopped onto the floor, basking in the sunlight surrounded by my plants.

“Ah, I wish I could photosynthesis like you guys.”

That way I could skip out on food expenses.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever…Just grow up big and strong you lot.” I used my skill again and sighed.

Reluctantly getting up, I headed to my computer.

“Really…I’ll just play today and find a way to make money tomorrow.”

I booted up farming simulator and got to playing.

…Yes, this may or may not be another reason why I’m super broke this month.

…

The next day, I laid sprawled out in bed.

But I wasn’t being lazy today, really! Believe me! I was thinking of ways to make money!

The easiest but simultaneously the hardest way would be to enter the tower. With how much the first floor had been completed, there were tons of strategy guides that even someone with a body as weak as mine could do.

Just one floor and I’d make a few hundred dollars. How difficult could it be?

No…I shouldn’t think like that.

I’m an alchemist—A production class without a single combat skill. It’d be a death sentence to even attempt to clear the first floor.

“Haah…What to do…”

Should I sell some plants…?

“No!” I quickly shook my head, “Not my babies…”

Plus, they wouldn’t even go for much considering they’re not fully grown.

“Agh…What should I do?”

As I rolled around in bed in deep thought, a sudden realization popped into mind.

“Wait…I’m an alchemist.”

Yes, the very class that I’ve ignored for the past month. But who could blame me? I don’t even have an alchemy-related skill.

But I did have a very kind and knowledgeable gallery.

[Alchemist Gallery]

→ [Mixed a sensitivity potion and numbing potion together and got CRAZY results!]

→ [What’s the proper ratio for Bumble Tea?]

Utilization the search function, I tried to find an easy to make and profitable potion. After a half an hour of searching through unrecognizable ingredients and potions, I finally found one.

[Easy Minor Recovery Potion Recipe]

Author: CauldronBro

Was bored and decided to create a recovery potion that even a goblin could make.

Ingredients

~ ~ ~

Splash of Water

Tree Bark Shavings

Opara Grass

Sap

~ ~ ~

Didn’t add precise measurements since goblins wouldn’t be smart enough to measure. So, just toss in as you see fit.

Steps

~ ~ ~

1. Heat pot over fire.

2. Add a bit of everything and stir til it’s a brownish orange in color, should have a thickish, clumpy consistency.

3. Add water until you make it smooth consistency.

4. Slowly add in more sap

5. Water.

6. Store it in something and let it cool.

7. And you’re done!

You should be left with a orange-brownish liquid that’s completely smooth like water. Should have a pungent earthy smell and tastes like dirt.

To use, either drink it for minor internal injury recovery or apply it directly to wounds. It’ll close over cuts and scratches if the latter is done and help with blood recovery if the former.

Anyway, that’s it. Enjoy you goblins.

(Pictures of step by step process)

→ [EfficiencyLord: Wow…This is the most ridiculous recipe I’ve ever seen.]

→ [SlimeLube: Now make a lubricant potion that goblins can make]

→ [HomunculusTheBest: I can’t believe this actually works.]

→ [ObsidianTier: I showed a goblin how to do it like this and they perfectly replicated it.]

→ [Love Fusion Mix Hands: This could be a fun challenge to do; Creating potions that even goblins could make.]

↳ [Meditation Is Medicine: Let’s teach them meditation too.]

↳ [Love Fusion Mix Hands: Go away, old man.]

“This seems simple enough?”

Looking on the exchange for potions with similar effects, I got a good idea on the prices too.

The only problem was this was an all or nothing gamble. If I couldn’t do it properly or the potions didn’t sell, I won’t have enough to pay rent next month.

“Well…If all else fails, I’ll take my chances in the tower.”