World’s Cutest Alchemist

The next day, while Luna was in the bathroom, I decided to check how the internet was doing.

And, well, as expected, it had blown up.

[Raccoon’s ‘Threat’ to the Association and Guilds!]

[Is the Little Bomber Getting Too Cocky?]

[Little Bomber’s visit to the Rapturous World Amusement Park!]

[Raccoon visits the association in person!]

[Emperor Dragon Queen clears the sixth floor! New rank #4!]

[Hailey Burnip’s challenge to Raccoon!]

[New Contender! MintChocoMaster has entered the fray, taking Rank #7 on Floor 3! Directly challenges Emperor Dragon Queen and the Little Bomber in new post!]

The internet was bombarded with my silly posts yesterday. However, there were a few other popular posts that caught my eye.

“Oh my…” I let out, intrigued.

Sometimes, I wonder why the dragon girl takes weeks between each floor clear, but then I remember that she probably doesn’t get to decide when she does it. The government has to allow her. Otherwise, if it was up to the dragon girl alone, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already on the tenth floor.

Every clear video I’ve seen from her, she’s been overpowering. I don’t think any goblin could survive her fire breath. I wonder if she’s annoyed at all.

I shrugged and looked at the next article.

“Mint Choco Master…?” What kind of name is that!?

Ew!

It’s somehow worse than ‘Emperor Dragon Queen’. What is with people? How are the names nowadays so terrible? We used to have actual good aliases like Raccoon, or Flame Queen, or Swordsman, the tamer.

Hehe…Personally, I really like that tamer. He’s got a sense of humor.

I swear…These new-gen awakeners…They don’t make them like they used too.

I shook my head with a sigh.

“Pfft!” I started to laugh.

It was then, the bathroom door opened. Luna came out with a washed face and brushed hair.

“What’s so funny?” She asked as she approached the table.

“I was just thinking that todays aliases are very stupid.”

“Aliases?” Luna asked.

“Emperor Dragon Queen and a new one called MintChocoMaster.” I said, “Neither of them flow off the tongue at all! Can you imagine introducing them? It’s no wonder why people use their names instead of their alias’.”

“…And Raccoon is better?”

“Of course! Raccoon is a cute and lovable animal with an easy name to say! No one would hesitate to introduce ‘Raccoon’ to the world.” I proudly said.

“Uh-huh…” Luna nodded.

“While Emperor Dragon Queen is so annoying to say and completely messes up the flow! Even if you want to shorten it, you can’t! What’re you gonna say? ‘The Emperor is here!’ or ‘The Dragon is here!’ or ‘The Queen is here!’? Those all sound terrible! Emperor and Queen are way too haughty, some people would definitely be reluctant to refer to those names.

MintChocoMaster isn’t any better! I mean, you could shorten it to ‘Mint’ or ‘Choco’ but ‘Master’ is weird and the other two are just so random. People would be like ‘Who is that?’ if you call them mint or choco in public.”

“You do have a point. But…Why are you being so passionate about this at…” She checked her phone, “Seven in the morning?”

“Hehe,” I giggled, “When else would I get the chance to bother you?”

“Haah…” Luna sighed, “Literally any time except for breakfast…?”

“But, it’s more fun when you’re just waking up.”

Luna rolled her eyes, “I’m eating.”

She picked up a slice of bacon and dipped it into the egg yolk.

I smiled.

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

I started to eat as well, but most of my attention was still on my phone.

Dragon girl and Mint both challenged me? I thought as I read the articles.

What’re they challenging an alchemist for? Do they have nothing better to do than target a pitiful production class like me?

I directly pulled up dragon girl’s Tawer.

[Emperor Dragon Queen: Little Bomber, are your skills simply limited? Can’t make more than 50 a day?]

“Pfft!” I nearly spat out the bacon I was eating and started to cough.

The audacity! What obvious bait! This dragon girl isn’t cute at all!

“Bin?” Luna said with a concerned tone from the side, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I replied after taking a sip of water, “I’m just being baited online.”

“Baited?”

“Dragon girl is a tsundere who can’t simply say ‘Please sell me potions, I can’t buy them in time.’” I said.

Luna seemed even more confused.

“Hehe, well,” I shrugged, “Just a bit of banter.”

“I see.” Luna nodded and went back to eating.

I was already forming a reply in mind for dragon girl. While doing so, I decided to check out that other awakener, Mint.

[MintChocoMaster: lol, neither bomber or dragon could eat the amount of ice cream I eat every day.]

“…” I stared for a moment before chuckling.

I swear, don’t trust these journalists! They exaggerate everything! The way the article was worded made it sound like these two were saying something like ‘Little Bomber, you suck!’.

But, no! Instead, one of them is just a tsundere dragon girl, while the other just made a casual comment about their sweet tooth!

I should stir the pot.

“Hehehe…” I started to quietly giggle under my breath as I opened my Tawer.

“Bin…” Luna said.

“Yes?”

“You look like you’re about to cause problems.”

“…Do I have a specific look for that?”

“There’s a mischievous grin on your face.”

“Ah. Duly noted.” I nodded.

“…Please don’t go too far.”

“Me?! Go far? I’m a very respectable and unproblematic person!” I said, flabbergasted.

“Just yesterday, you threatened that you were quote, “gonna blow everything up!” unquote.” She said.

Ignoring that side-eye Luna was giving me, I opened Tawer.

[Raccoon: Dragon Girl~ If you wanted some potions, you could’ve just asked~]

[Raccoon: I’ve seen people barking like dogs just to purchase some—what will you do, dragon girl?]

[Raccoon: bouncy bouncy potions…should I sell them?]

[Raccoon: honestly, chocolate cake is the best. Anyone who disagrees is wrong.]

[Raccoon: while I’m here, anyone a glass maker? DM]

[Raccoon: oh! Also, I need an enchanter? Or a tailor? Idk, but someone to enchant my blanket. I want it extra comfy!]

[Raccoon: What? Why am I suddenly posting so many posts in a row? Cause it’s fun?]

[Raccoon: What am I doing right now? Eating bacon and eggs. (picture of plate of food)]

[Raccoon: Stop spamming your feed? No~ I don’t want too~]

[Raccoon: Hehe, maybe I’ll make an important announcement in one of these posts but delete it immediately after. Good luck trying to screenshot it!]

[Raccoon: Not this one~]

[Raccoon: Or this one~]

[Raccoon: Is it this one? Nope!~]

“Pfft! Hehe!” I burst out giggling as I closed Tawer.

Every post I made instantly gets over a thousand likes and hundreds of replies. What can I do? People are just so obsessed with me!

“…Bin…” Luna said from the side.

“Hm?” I turned to her.

“…I feel like you’ve stopped holding back.” She said, referring to the posts.

“Oh? Yeah, for sure.” I nodded, “Why would I care about some mysterious persona? I’m just gonna have fun and post whatever I want.”

My potions can do the talking and I can just have fun! It’s a win-win!

“Poor Little Bomber fans…” Luna mumbled, “Anyways, stop being a gremlin and eat your food. Remember, we have a few houses to look at today.”

“Okay~”

As Luna said, we had a few houses to check out and explore.

We also got a general estimate of how much it’d cost. And, well…It’s not cheap.

Let’s just say, I’ll need to sell a lot more potions and Luna will have to clear gates.

But, as expensive as it was, it also made me happy.

Luna and I were working towards it together.

…

“B-Bark like a dog!?” Hailey exclaimed as she read Raccoon’s new post.

She wiped her eyes to make sure she wasn’t reading that incorrectly. Alongside those responses, there were also a flood of more posts seemingly unrelated.

“H-How dare she!” Hailey furrowed her brow, “As if I, a noble and proud dragon, would beg for potions!”

A little bit of fire spewed out of her mouth.

“And! Dragon girl!? How dare she call me that!”

Though her fists were clenched, she didn’t hit anything in anger. Hailey bit her lip and thought of how to respond.

She couldn’t think of something, so, she ended up reading the other posts she made.

“Important announcement to make…?” Hailey mumbled to herself.

She waited but the next post only said that it wasn’t that one.

Her brow furrowed even more.

It wasn’t the next one either.

Or the next one.

“Tsk, she’s just messing with us.” Hailey muttered, “If it’s not the next one, I don’t care anymore.”

And so, Hailey refreshed the page.

No post.

She refreshed it again.

No post.

Then again.

…

On the road, we were on our way to the first house we planned on checking out.

It wasn’t in a bad location, the roads were nice and the other houses nearby looked fine. I didn’t have any immediate qualms with the area.

Luna didn’t either.

Soon, we pulled into an empty driveway.

The house had two stories. The exterior was a muted tan, fitting in with the rest of the houses in the area. There was a large white fence acting as the border to the backyard. The garage door was open, revealing nothing out of the ordinary.

“Garage is a bit small.” Luna said.

“Really?” I said, looking at the car. Luna’s car would easily fit in it.

“A two-car garage would be optimal,” Luna said, “The extra space can be used for storage or something more.”

“I see.” I nodded and we headed to the door.

Since this was an open house, we didn’t need an agent touring us around.

Inside, the furniture was arranged very neatly and felt quite minimalist.

It had a very modern feel with sharp and sleek designs. The entrance led straight to the living room; The walls were raised, leaving a high ceiling and hanging lights.

“Mm…I’d want all the furniture changed.” I commented, as I looked at the glass coffee table.

An electric fireplace was placed against the far wall.

Does that even work? I wondered.

“Yeah, it’s a bit too modern and not enough contemporary for me.” Luna nodded.

We found the closest door and entered, it was a bedroom. It was on the smaller side, fitting only a queen sized bed and desk. It had a prominent inset window showing the street on one side and a sliding closet door on the other.

“I’d have no use for this room,” I said.

It could barely classify as storage. That window is a bit too open for me; I wouldn’t want someone peeking inside when I’m brewing potions. And it makes the room a bit too awkward.

“Could work as an office,” Luna shrugged, “It’s not bad, just a bit too small for a gaming room.”

I nodded and we went to the next room. A bathroom.

Similarly to the previous room, this one was a bit small. There was only a sink, toilet, and shower—not even a bath. Honestly, just terrible. It’d be relegated to any guests.

“Pfft, you have a nasty stink-eye right now.” Luna laughed.

I looked in the mirror, and she wasn’t wrong.

I shrugged, “Next.”

The next area was the kitchen. It had sleek marble counter tops and an island with barstools in front of it. Behind the stove was a wide window and there were a few cabinets above the counters. A coffee maker and microwave were neatly arranged on the counter to make it more aesthetic.

“Too fake.” I commented, it didn’t feel right at all. The kitchen felt more like a prop on a movie set than it did an actual kitchen.

“If you say so,” Luna shrugged, “You’re the only one who’d be using it anyways.”

To the right of the kitchen were the stairs to the second floor and a dining area on the other side of them.

I didn’t have any comments about the dining area since it was just a table set up to look nice.

We didn’t immediately check out the second floor as there were a bit more rooms on the first to look at.

“Another bedroom.” Luna said as we entered another door.

This one was bigger than the first, it had a queen sized bed up against the middle of the far wall. On either side of it were nightstands. On the opposite wall was a large dresser and mirror.

“Not bad,” Luna said, “It’d be easy to turn this room to mini gym or game room for me. What about you?” She asked.

“Mm…” I looked around, “Potion storage maybe?” I shrugged.

The next room was the laundry room, it was small, just fitting a washing machine and dryer.

With that checked, we finished touring the first floor. My first thoughts? Not a fan. Ignoring the furniture that we can swap out, I just didn’t like the layout.

“Let’s check out the second floor.” Luna said, I nodded and we headed up the stairs.

Long story short? It was mediocre.

Luna and I were back in the car.

“Not feeling it?” Luna asked.

“Nope,” I shook my head, “That place sucked.”

“Agreed,” Luna nodded, “Well, I wouldn’t use ‘sucked’, but, it was below average.”

If Luna and I were going to live together, I wasn’t settling for anything below stellar. Considering that this will likely be a place where Luna and I will be together for years…Maybe even with our…

I didn’t continue the thought. My cheeks had turned red so I turned completely away from Luna, hiding my face, and looked out the window.

Hopefully, the next house will be a little better.