The Trash Returned from Warhammer

”Hmm? Where is Shinji-kun going? The Class Rep went with him too.”

During the break, the group suddenly realized that Shinji, who had been sitting there like an old man admiring the scenery, was gone. Once Kensuke—who was still peeling potatoes—informed them of the truth, they looked at each other in bewilderment.

They all knew about the soccer club; it was a task the Student Council had assigned to Hikari, which was why she couldn’t travel far for spring break. She had simply set their training camp across the bay to kill two birds with one stone without interference.

But what did that have to do with Shinji? He usually hated meddling in other people’s business.

”I get it. That idiot just couldn’t stand the Class Rep’s little trick. He always takes things like ’oaths’ very seriously.”

Asuka covered her face, cursing in her head.

’Scheisse! I got him out here to admire my new swimsuit, and if ignoring that wasn’t enough, he goes off to supervise the soccer club? Am I less attractive than a bunch of sweaty boys?’

Thinking about it, though, she couldn’t really blame him. The guy was completely uncontrollable, and as a result, none of the ”beach activities” she had learned from magazines could be carried out.

Splitting watermelons while blindfolded? It would only take him three seconds to strike in a straight line and turn the poor fruit into inedible debris.

Fanservice-heavy beach volleyball? With him involved, it became homicidal volleyball.

Swimming? This idiot was like a Great White shark cutting through the waves; if you blinked, he’d already finished a lap around the harbor.

Her eyes met Misato’s, revealing the exact same frustration.

’This stubborn idiot!’

’Wait, isn’t the swimsuit episode a mandatory fanservice trope in a new series? Why isn’t Shinji-kun following the script?’

The other mastermind scratched her pink hair and looked apologetically at Rei Ayanami. ”Rei, the operation failed. It seems my ability isn’t enough to out-calculate Shinji-kun.”

Chihaya Rin had prepared a whole bundle of confession plans for Rei, and the primary goal was to change Shinji’s perception.

Specifically, she wanted him to realize that Rei was a wonderful woman, not some ”Battle Brother.” Naturally, they had to start with her charm. Thus, Chihaya Rin played a ”reverse

trope”: while everyone else spent ages picking out elaborate swimsuits, she had Rei wear a school-issue one-piece.

”It’s fine. As long as Ikari-kun is happy. Whether it’s beach volleyball, diving, or other activities, they are all for his enjoyment.”

Rei seemed indifferent. She truly wasn’t in a hurry; that ”key item” wasn’t ready yet anyway.

”It’s all the Class Rep’s fault for bringing that soccer club here for training.”

Asuka’s teeth itched with anger.

”Don’t blame her. It’s a good thing that Ikari-kun is interested. Besides, your goal was technically achieved.”

Rei offered a small smile. Her attention had been on Shinji the entire time.

Asuka had been shouting about her ”sure-victory” swimsuit, but once they started playing, she forgot everything. Rei, however, hadn’t forgotten the mission objective. She was certain that while Shinji was admiring the scenery, he was also admiring them, and his gaze would occasionally linger for a moment.

’He’s different from before.’

Rei clearly remembered when she was still a ”doll,” walking out of her bedroom naked once. The boy had looked at her fully exposed body without a trace of emotion, like another doll.

”No, I have to go see what that idiot is doing!”

The more Asuka thought about it, the angrier she got. She threw on her sun-shirt and marched toward the other side of the bay, thinking,

’We’re heading back soon and I haven’t finished a single plan!’

The others were also curious about how Shinji would ”fix” that group of losers, so they all followed. Toji even brought along the freshly grilled meat skewers; as classmates, they couldn’t exactly ignore the soccer club members, could they?

The distance wasn’t far, but as they approached, it was eerily quiet. When Asuka, grumbling at the front, pushed through a patch of tall grass, the scene before her made her freeze on the spot.

A dozen teenage boys were sprawled haphazardly on the ground, clutching their stomachs and groaning. Shinji, wearing only his beach shorts, stood there with his arms crossed. Beside him stood a completely petrified Hikari Horaki.

”Beyond redemption. Honorless weaklings. Your supervisor ordered you to practice sliding tackles, yet you collectively prayed not to get hurt, completely violating the essence of the sport of ’soccer’—”

Shinji paced back and forth, his eyes scanning everyone with fury and contempt.

”Confrontation, struggle, war in a time of peace. I have come to understand these keywords. Since it is war, that means you are soldiers. Look at yourselves—do you look like soldiers?”

”Shinji-kun, but why did you have to beat us up...”

A boy with a buzz cut cried out indignantly. This was the Soccer Club President, Ichiro Aizawa.

”To make you understand what direct pain is. Compared to a confrontation with me, isn’t the confrontation between yourselves very gentle?”

’Well... that actually makes some sense.’

Shinji’s fists hurt much more than defense drills. Their resistance had been useless; they couldn’t even touch his clothes before being flattened.

’But... but this isn’t soccer!’

”What gratifies me is that you possess the basic dignity of humans—you knew to swarm me in resistance. But it is not enough. You must turn this desire to fight into an instinct.”

Shinji looked at the rabble, his gaze focusing on the President’s face.

”You told me yourself that you wanted to achieve victory and hoped for my help.”

”Yes...”

Ichiro Aizawa said piteously. Everyone at First Municipal knew the name Shinji Ikari. But by ”help,” he meant having Shinji pressure the school board not to disband the club!

”For the sake of the Class Rep, I agreed. I will use the shortest possible time to forge you wastes into true killing machines. To that end, I have thoughtfully prepared a PDF training regimen.”

Shinji didn’t wait for an explanation. He nodded and spoke loudly:

”As soldiers, your meaning of existence is to secure victory. Without victory, you are better off dead. Anyone who fails to meet the requirements will be purged.”

”P-Purged?” The boys weren’t terrified; they were actually hopeful. Ichiro Aizawa asked, ”If we’re purged, can we go home?”

”Go home?”

Shinji casually picked up a stone and threw it at him. Ichiro felt a whistle zip past; when he reached up, a bloody gash had appeared on his cheek. He was scared witless.

”The Empire has no need for waste. To be purged means execution. Now, stand at attention. If you are not in formation within three seconds, you will be executed on the spot.”

Bolstered by his psychic presence, every word Shinji spoke reeked of blood, making it clear he wasn’t joking. The group shuddered and scrambled to their feet, forming a messy line. Then, the second command was issued.

A thousand-meter sprint within three minutes. Anyone over the time limit would likewise be executed.

Watching the group run for their lives, no one dared to slack off. Stones like bullets whizzed past their faces. Their potential exploded instantly, and they began to sprint while wailing.

Asuka was also petrified.

’Is this a soccer club or a War Department? What is this ”victory or death” nonsense?’

Turning around, she saw Kensuke and Toji had already slipped away, fearing they’d be dragged into the ”Special Training.”

Ichiro Aizawa was still too young; he had no idea what an ”oath” meant to an Astartes. Did he really think it was just a figure of speech?

”Y-You... is this really going to work?”

She walked up to Shinji and spoke in a low voice.

”Do not doubt my professionalism. For cowards without courage, only a greater fear can stimulate their potential. Once they have endured my training, a mere soccer match will be nothing.”

Shinji stared at the group, not turning his head.

”Rest assured, I am being gentle enough. I have adapted the basic PDF training syllabus. They are lucky they met the ’current’ me.”

’Gentle? Huh?’

”May I ask what it looks like when you’re not being gentle?”

”For warriors without honor, I generally choose humane destruction. I would not be this patient.”

Shinji spoke flatly. He was a warrior who had crawled out of purgatory, having survived tempering beyond description. He viewed no problem as an obstacle.

Compared to a certain Drill Sergeant, an Astartes was a hundred times more ruthless. Every Chapter had its unique recruitment trials—literally ”success or death” affairs, brutally simple.

Some involved killing each other; some involved being dumped in a frozen wasteland; some involved fighting xenos. No matter which, the failure rate was terrifyingly high. It could be said that those who passed these rituals were no longer human.

As a side note, Blood Raven aspirants were required to retrieve an item within a set time by any means necessary. The target was often deep within a Hive gang’s territory or even inside a PDF military base. Honor and effort weren’t enough; one needed supreme talent.

Out of the billions of humans on Earth, let alone becoming an Astartes, few even possessed the aptitude of an aspirant.

”Considering the fragility of Earth mortals, and that they do not need to fight xenos, I have specifically prepared a minimalist training plan—a hundred times simpler than the Imperial Guard. It is solely to ignite their thirst for battle and grant them a basic adaptability to fear. Only by forgetting failure can one pursue victory.”

”You... you really are ’thoughtful.’ Just... don’t actually kill them.”

Asuka’s eyes twitched.

”Who said I won’t kill? Even the minimalist plan has a mortality rate. My patience is limited.”

Shinji glanced at her, seemingly realizing something. ”Do not worry. The law has no binding power over me. This is the price that must be paid for victory.”

His authority as a Pilot was limitless.

’You don’t understand a damn thing!’

No wonder Kensuke and the others bolted. This is a soccer club! Why are you training them for this instead of technical tactics?

But before she could speak up for the poor souls, she saw Shinji’s gaze turn dangerous.

”W-What?”

”I was considering whether to have you join the training as well. Forget it. You still possess a sense of honor, and you wouldn’t make excuses for these cowards.”

Gulp.

Asuka swallowed the words she was about to say. Then, following a low roar of ”20 seconds left!”, she bolted ten meters away.

”What do we do?”

”I don’t know. Shinji seems to have taken an interest. Did he do this kind of work before?”

Misato Katsuragi actually guessed correctly. When Shinji earned his first Service Stud, he had presided over rituals. That was why he found these ”sissies” so distasteful.

Through the rituals, the aspirants he trained were already tempered into non-human entities dozens of times stronger than Earth’s special forces.

”It’s my fault. I triggered Shinji-kun’s keywords.”

Hikari Horaki was full of regret. Why did she have to open her mouth? If a few people actually died, the blame would fall on her.

”Don’t worry, Class Rep. Ikari-kun values efficiency; he won’t act recklessly. You told him the basic rules of a soccer match, right? Good. At least ten people will be left. He won’t allow the stupidity of losing before the battle even begins.”

Rei Ayanami comforted her softly.

”Wait, isn’t a soccer match 11 people?”

”If one is missing, Ikari-kun will take the field himself.”

The group shuddered. If Shinji took the field, the soccer match would literally turn into a slaughter. This man had a very different understanding of physical contact and aggressive play.

”Misato!”

”Yes!”

Misato Katsuragi immediately stood at attention as a piece of paper drifted toward her in the wind.

”Set up camp here. Notify the Security Department to deliver the items I need as quickly as possible.”

Misato looked down. Field rations, Type 87 assault rifles, MG3 machine guns, RPG-7 rocket launchers...

”Wait... are you playing soccer or waging war!?”

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