The Trash Returned from Warhammer

Today was the first day of spring break. Following the ”operational briefing” from two nights ago, the squad’s first mission was a trip to the seaside.

Tokyo-3 is located near Old Hakone; originally, it was quite far from the ocean, but due to the rising sea levels caused by the Second Impact, the seawater now lapped at the very edges of the city.

Of course, this place was vastly different from a real beach. Looking out, one could see buildings tilted precariously in the water. As years passed, these houses had become covered in moss, emitting a desolate atmosphere.

”But so what? A new seasonal anime is incomplete without a swimsuit episode, don’t you guys agree!?”

”Right! We are the hope of the new era. We’re here to add vitality to these ruins of the old world. This fits the Emperor’s teaching that destruction is rebirth.”

”Kensuke, you really are the number one lackey. You can make any random remark sound as philosophical as a certain someone.”

”You flatter me, Ms. Misato. You’re the number one loyal hound.”

”Hahahaha! Well said! Fetch me a beer.”

Watching this group of shouting people, Shinji didn’t know where to start his critique. Misato Katsuragi had been saying things like, ”Is it really okay for us to be this slack?” but once they arrived, she was wilder than anyone. She truly was a natural ”boy scout captain,” just as that Pacific Fleet commander had said.

Still, it made sense. The old era had to pass eventually; children represented hope.

Shinji glanced at the submerged city. This place originally looked like a ghost town, making onlookers feel uneasy. But with the arrival of these noisy teenagers, it felt as if it had returned to its former days of prosperity.

Also due to the Second Impact, even though it was February, Japan was as hot as midsummer. The sun hung in the sky radiating intense brilliance. Aside from the lack of a sandy beach, it wasn’t much different from a swimsuit episode in an anime.

The group parked their car by the coastal road and found a patch of open ground to unload the grill, lounge chairs, parasols, and other gear. Then, they all ran off to change.

Shinji unfolded a lounge chair, sat down, poured some tea from a thermos, and appreciated the open view with a face full of contentment.

The emerald sea, the azure sky—the parasol cast a deep shadow on the ground. To others, those tilted buildings might be an eyesore, but an Astartes preferred this fractured, desolate aesthetic.

A city soaking in seawater, mottled moss, heavy rust—the craters blasted by N2 bombs had turned into small lakes. There were abandoned UN tanks left on the highway, and the road still bore the massive footprints of giant creatures that had passed by. It truly felt like a travelogue of the apocalypse.

”Beautiful. It has that atmospheric feeling of admiring the ruins of a battlefield after an intense struggle.”

”This place can’t even find a beach. It’s just hard rocks everywhere. It’s totally different from what I imagined.”

Asuka walked up behind him quietly. She wore a white sun-protection shirt that revealed her long, slender legs. She looked at Shinji and frowned.

”You’re like an old man. Tell me, where is the ’beauty’ in this?”

Because of the Second Impact, sandy beaches and their various derivatives only existed in old magazines. Asuka had wanted to try the legendary ”watermelon splitting” game, only to find there was no sand to bury one in.

”You don’t understand. I have made planetfall on countless worlds, but every time I left in a hurry. When was there ever time to appreciate the ruins of a battlefield?”

”Uh, I really don’t understand. But since we’re at the beach anyway, why are you still dressed like that?”

Shinji looked down at his eternal combination of a white shirt and black trousers. After a moment of silence, he stood up and unbuckled his belt.

”Ah! What are you doing!?”

Asuka leaped three meters back, covering her eyes with a flushed face. However, through the gaps in her fingers, her blue eyes were wide open, staring straight at him.

”I am not as rude as you imagine. I put on those ’beach shorts’ beforehand.”

Shinji folded his clothes neatly to the side and stretched his joints. Seeing Asuka’s strange expression, he looked down at himself again.

”Didn’t you say beach shorts were enough?”

’It’s fine, but this guy is so buff!’

This wasn’t the first time Asuka had seen Shinji take his shirt off, but every time she was struck by those powerful muscles. They were as perfect as an ancient Greek statue. Just then, Kensuke Aida and Toji Suzuhara returned after changing; they took one look and silently turned around.

Their self-esteem had taken a severe hit. Even though they had stepped up their training lately, standing next to Shinji made them look like two weaklings.

”Wow, is this the legendary ’slim in clothes, buff underneath’? Why didn’t we see that Shinji-kun was this strong before?”

”Those arms have to be 40cm, right? Does he live in the gym?”

The girls filed out one after another, surrounding Shinji. They pinched here and poked there, causing Asuka to pout immediately. She rushed over to drive them away.

”Oh ho, Asuka’s jealous.”

”So scary, so scary! Don’t just focus on driving us away; have a feel yourself.”

”You’re asking for it! Stand still!”

Watching the group of girls running around him, Shinji let out a fatherly smile.

’It’s good to be young.’

Since they were only fourteen or fifteen, there wasn’t actually much ”scenery” to look at; their bodies hadn’t fully developed, and they didn’t dare choose swimsuits that were too revealing. That is, until Misato Katsuragi walked out with a faint smile.

”Hmph, I told you girls Shinji had a great physique.”

The older woman in a black bikini was a literal ”dimensional strike.” More importantly, she possessed a head-high confidence that the likes of Hikari Horaki and Chihaya Rin simply couldn’t compete with.

’Scheisse, I must have been out of my mind. Why did I choose the seaside?’

Asuka wrapped her sun-shirt tightly around herself. She had just been secretly pleased that she was bolder than the others, only to realize she had forgotten the ”final boss.” Seeing the confidence on Misato’s face, she gritted her teeth.

’You’re an adult, don’t come down here for a dimensional strike! Wait, that’s not right. Shinji knows how to drive; why did you have to come along?’

The more she thought, the more suspicious it felt—especially when Misato and Shinji stood together. Based purely on physique, the two of them stood out from the crowd. However, this suspicion vanished when Rei Ayanami emerged.

”Hahahaha! Why are you wearing a school swimsuit?”

Rei Ayanami was wearing a one-piece from gym class. It had no decorations, only ”2-A Ayanami” written on the chest. Asuka immediately shed her sun-shirt, revealing a red-and-white bikini.

German ”Winning-ism” was back online. She could be crushed by Misato, but as long as she beat Rei Ayanami, it was fine.

”Asuka, you’re dressed so boldly.”

”As expected of someone with German blood; she’s a size larger than us.”

Hearing these vocal praises, Asuka puffed out her chest and cast a triumphant glance to the side, only to see a certain someone sitting back in his lounge chair, holding a teacup and gazing into the distance.

’Scheisse! After all that work, it makes no difference to him, does it!?’

”Idiot Shinji! Look at me for once! How does this piece compare to that person’s?”

Asuka spun in place, trying her best to showcase curves that exceeded her peers.

Shinji actually did turn his head. He first looked at Misato, who had suddenly puffed out her chest, causing ”peaks” to tremble; then he looked at the expectant Asuka; and finally, he scanned Rei Ayanami, whose pale skin contrasted sharply with the simple swimsuit.

”They are all about the same.”

”What do you mean ’about the same’? Look closely!”

Misato spoke up, dissatisfied. Even a blind man could see the difference, right?

Shinji’s expression turned solemn as he observed carefully. His brow furrowed slightly as he reached a realization.

”They all involve exposing a large amount of skin and consist of thin materials with zero defensive value. From that perspective, Ayanami’s is the most superior—at least it protects the vital chest and abdominal areas.”

”...”

’Is that so? Technically, he’s not wrong, but your perspective is way too eccentric. It’s not just wide of the mark; it’s like playing a lute to a cow.’

The three of them froze simultaneously. Rei Ayanami suddenly smiled. Although she didn’t quite know why, it seemed she had won.

Asuka and Misato looked at each other and lowered their heads. If they had known, they wouldn’t have wasted effort picking out swimsuits; they could have won by just wearing full-body hazmat suits.

”As expected of Shinji. He can survive even a ’death trap’ question like that.”

”Yeah, that’s the Emperor’s guidance for you.”

Kensuke and Toji looked on with reverence, only to be grabbed by the ears by their respective girlfriends and sternly warned not to learn Shinji’s distorted aesthetic sense.

Fortunately, everyone was used to Shinji’s eccentric viewpoints. Like that time at the cake shop when they watched a new anime called Kaguya-sama: Love is War; Shinji’s first reaction

was that the male and female leads were overcomplicating a simple matter and must have a hidden conspiracy. It took everyone a long time to teach him what a ”light comedy” was.

The little interlude passed quickly. The grill was set up, and Toji took charge of the cooking. The scent of chili and spices drifted through the air. He stuck to his post, cast an envious gaze into the distance.

”Must be nice.”

”Yeah. Ever since Shinji showed up, our lives have been better than ever.”

Kensuke was peeling potatoes nearby, also looking into the distance.

A group of girls was playing volleyball by the water. There was no beach, but volleyball could still be played. With every jump, it was truly as turbulent as the rising sea.

”Focus on your work. If you stare too much, the Class Rep and Ibuki will complain later.”

Shinji remained in his lounge chair, propping up his chin. With the city ruins as a backdrop, the lively girls looked like a perfect painting to him—a profound interpretation of destruction and rebirth.

His gaze occasionally lingered on the rising waves of the sea, his brow furrowed as if thinking about something.

”Shinji, why aren’t you playing?”

”Asuka called it ’Homicidal Volleyball’ and banished me without being reasonable.”

Shinji said gloomily. Asuka was the one who told him to take it seriously, but when he actually did, she wasn’t having it.

’Your power spike literally popped the volleyball. Calling it ’Homicidal’ wasn’t exactly wrong.’

”Uh, actually, you could go easy on them. If you faked a few losses...”

Kensuke shut his mouth under a sharp glare. Those words were a profanity against an Emperor’s Champion. It was either win or die; there was no such thing as a ”fake loss.”

But it was enough to make one grit their teeth in envy that such a stubborn guy had such good luck with women. There was no one to complain to.

Feeling indignant, he saw figures moving in the distance. He dropped the peeling knife and pulled out his binoculars.

”Huh? Those are people from our school’s soccer club. I remember now, they’re here for training camp.”

”Soccer club? What’s that?”

Shinji turned to look. Sure enough, on the other side of the bay, there were about a dozen figures squatting on the ground doing something. ”Isn’t soccer a sport where a group of

people chases a ball to get it into the enemy’s goal? Why are they pulling weeds? Why don’t I see a soccer ball at this ’training camp’?”

”Our school’s soccer club is a bit... abnormal.”

Hikari Horaki happened to walk over, wiping sweat from her brow, looking a bit embarrassed. ”Their performance is too poor. The President wanted me to supervise them. I thought since we were coming out to play anyway, I might as well do both things at once.”

Hikari was not only the Class Rep but also the Vice President of the Student Council. Hearing her explanation, Shinji remembered.

Last time they talked about spring break plans, Hikari said she couldn’t leave Tokyo-3. As for the soccer club, he had seen their bizarre antics once while making a call on the roof.

”A rational judgment. Highly efficient use of time.”

Shinji offered his praise. No wonder they chose this spot. Then, he looked puzzled: ”Then what are you still doing here? Go fulfill your duty.”

’Because I only wanted to give the President an excuse; I never actually planned to supervise them!’

Under that piercing gaze, Hikari swallowed hard. She finally understood how much pressure Asuka felt on a daily basis. She didn’t dare tell the truth.

”Uh... they don’t need supervision. They’re going to lose anyway. I just let them come out to relax. Once we go back, the club will be disbanded.”

Hikari explained further, saying the soccer club members were terrible. The school had arranged a match for them against Tokyo-3 Middle School; if they lost, the club would be shut down. Since she felt it was hopeless anyway, she just let them come out for a ”spring outing” under the guise of training.

”You are violating your own oath.”

Shinji frowned and sat bolt upright. That aura of pressure surged instantly.

”Aww, Shinji, you don’t get it. The soccer club is known as the ’Disgrace of First Municipal.’ Those cowards aren’t soccer material. Class Rep...”

Toji jumped in to explain, but was cut off.

”Then she shouldn’t have agreed. How can one use a group of losers as an excuse to come out and play?”

Shinji’s words made Hikari lower her head, looking like she was about to cry. He sighed. ”Forget it. I happen to be free. I will execute the supervision duty on your behalf.”

”Huh? You know how to play soccer?”

”No.”

Shinji glanced at the stunned crowd and looked into the distance.

”But I am a Coward Buster.”

Read ahead (100 chapters) by supporting me on buymeacoffee com/varietl or ko-fi edwriting