The Trash Returned from Warhammer

What is a God?

A man-made symbol in a temple or church? An object of human faith? An omniscient and omnipotent being from mythology? A perfect organism possessing both the Fruit of Wisdom and the Fruit of Life?

No one knows, for it is something that transcends human imagination. Or rather, ”God” itself is a word born of fantasy; its scope can be infinitely large or infinitesimally small, enough to keep theologians and philosophers debating for decades.

What is a God? Can any existence that surpasses human understanding be called a deity? From this perspective, if an Imperial Navy fleet descended upon a primitive planet, they too would be regarded as gods. Thus, the philosophical heights of Earth are incapable of providing an explanation.

But Shinji could, because the place where he had served truly contained things that could be called gods.

The four Chaos Gods, the earlier Old Ones, and even the Emperor—who, in the records of the Great Crusade era, constantly stated ”I am not a god” yet still became the object of human faith—all shared a common characteristic: they transcended the reality of the material universe and, in some aspect, represented the essence of the Warp.

However, the ”God” here was both similar and different. Through the Angel cores, Shinji had contacted the Negative Universe many times in a more direct manner; he could guarantee that this ”God” possessed no proactive consciousness, let alone the distinct ”personalities” of the four Chaos Gods.

It was like an unconscious infant, scattering the seeds of life into the reality of the material universe. These seeds took root and sprouted; intelligent life—the human soul—would eventually return to the Negative Universe. These souls were not merely energy; like biological computers, they carried memories and emotions, serving as a projection of the material world onto the Negative Universe.

”Perhaps It is collecting this ’data.’ In some unknown number of years, a subjective consciousness will emerge, and the infant named God will let out its first cry?”

In the silent living room, the setting sun projected through the window, falling upon the contemplative youth. He sat upright like a statue, brows tightly knit. As he hypothesized, he unearthed more fragments from his vast store of memories.

This conjecture had no evidence and was certainly a wild leap of imagination, yet it aligned with his past experiences.

’Searching Blood Ravens Librarium: Aeldari branch, Forbidden-class secrets.’

Aside from ”management services,” the Blood Ravens loved digging into history. While tracing their own origins, they would find many harrowing pieces of information. This knowledge was immediately sealed, but as one of the Librarians, Shinji happened to have accessed it.

Yes, records concerning the birth of ”Slaanesh.” This youngest Chaos God was born during the fall of the Aeldari; that unbridled indulgence was, in some ways, similar to his hypothesis.

The feedback of the material universe upon the Warp... well, the Aeldari were natural psykers, so they were certainly different, but this world was not simple either. The AT Field possessed extremely high psychic resistance, and one must not forget that the people here, tracing back to their source, were all ”Children of the Warp.”

Humans originated from Lilith; Angels originated from Adam. Lilith and Adam originated from the Negative Universe. This was why SEELE could use a ritual to initiate the Instrumentality Project for all of humanity. The essence of the ritual was a form of Warp resonance. In the Imperium, it would be impossible to turn the Imperial citizenry into orange juice through a single ritual, because humanity there did not originate from the Warp.

The logic of the hypothesis became coherent. Shinji suddenly felt fortunate he had returned early. If ”God” truly possessed a subjective consciousness, he would have been eliminated back during the Third Angel’s appearance.

”Because of this strong connection, combined with the seeds It sowed, humanity can conversely open the Doors of Guf. And as the only psyker, entering the Negative Universe is like a fish in water for me.”

His eyes lit up. He did not possess the inexplicable fear of the unknown regarding the Negative Universe that others did. Thinking of this, his pupils froze slightly.

’What a place.’ A Warp that had not yet developed subjective consciousness was an inexhaustible sea of energy. The energy contained within was comparable to how many psykers? If used as fuel, then wouldn’t it...

His breath hitched. Shinji instantly thought of something; he wasn’t entirely certain, but he couldn’t think of any other explanation.

’Emperor on high, is this my mission? But You did not tell me how to do it.’

Indeed, he was thinking of the highest and most forbidden data in the Blood Ravens Librarium—a secret known only to the Chief Librarian and the Chapter Master. It was a secret he had only recalled during his last dream.

Every Astartes knew the Emperor maintained the Imperium’s survival, but that was regarded as a matter of faith. Only a tiny, tiny minority knew how the Emperor maintained the Imperium.

With a thousand thoughts swirling in an instant, Shinji had to silently recite ”The Emperor Protects” ten times to suppress the chaotic ideas.

Regardless of whether this was the final mission, the plan had to continue. Without resolving the source, his home would never know peace. As for the subsequent developments, they were beyond his ability to predict.

”I must find a way to study the Negative Universe. Using SEELE’s groundwork, I must find a stable and harmless way to open the Doors of Guf. The rest I shall leave to the Emperor’s guidance.”

The combat plan was that clear. An iron will would not allow Shinji to fall into confusion. He raised his head and looked at the woman opposite him; Katsuragi Misato had been here the whole time.

Since returning from NERV HQ, Misato had been silent. The massive amount of information had directly overloaded her brain. After thinking for a long time, she could only grasp a few clues. Most importantly, she understood what Shinji wanted to do.

It was far from being as simple as piloting an EVA to fight monsters, and it wasn’t as easy as eliminating the masterminds plotting to destroy the world. The youth was thinking deeper—so deep she couldn’t understand him at all.

”Is it really necessary?”

Misato perceived his gaze and spoke with difficulty and bitterness.

”Yes. Without resolving the source, the danger will always exist. If my hypothesis is correct, the longer we delay, the more dangerous it becomes. No one can defeat a conscious God of the Warp.”

Shinji’s tone was cold as he spoke these obscure words.

”I am the only one who can resolve the source, and I no longer possess the Astartes body capable of surviving for ten thousand years. This body will age and die. When the time comes for my soul to return to the Negative Universe, it might become a potent medicine that hastens Its first cry.”

At this point, Shinji paused abruptly. He suddenly realized that his existence was not just a variable, but extremely special. He was the only psyker; what consequences would his return home ultimately cause? Was this the source of the Angels’ evolution?

Katsuragi Misato, of course, did not know what he was thinking, and she barely understood his previous explanation. But there was one point she understood clearly.

”It’s too dangerous. No—how are you any different from the people at the North American Branch? We know nothing of the Negative Universe. How is this any different from a death sentence?”

”Rest assured, I will select the most stable way to open the door; it will not trigger a Third Impact. As for a death sentence, the Astartes never shy away—”

”I don’t care about the Third Impact! I only care about you!”

Misato suddenly roared, plunging the room into silence. She stood up, more agitated than ever before.

”I don’t understand ’Astartes,’ I don’t understand ’missions,’ and I don’t understand any ’Emperor.’ I only know that you cannot die. Do not take risks to do those things. Is it not good to just defeat all the Angels and live a stable life? Don’t you quite like your current life?

I’m not like Ritsuko. That woman is obsessed with ’realizing value’ and exploring dangerous things. I just want to maintain this life—to live well with you, Rei, and Asuka. After several decades, when we’re all dead, who cares about all that? Isn’t it enough to trust in the wisdom of future generations?”

Misato was direct and blunt, her voice carrying a hint of pleading. This was a clash of two worldviews. Much like the description of the AT Field, it is very difficult for humans to truly understand one another.

This was true for mortals, let alone for a mortal and an Astartes. But Shinji had changed, after all. If someone had dared to obstruct him from fulfilling his mission when he had first returned, they likely would have been ”dealt with” after only a few words.

The gene-seed surgery and one hundred and twenty years of service were deeply rooted. Just as people often joked that he didn’t seem human, mortals simply could not understand the thoughts of an Astartes.

Knowing death is certain, they still stride forward. Being able to secure their own happiness, they instead insist on burning themselves—even if that flame is but a fleeting flash in the dark galaxy.

This gap was so large that the countless artists of the Imperium could not create a single romantic script involving an Astartes, because the ending was always the same:

When the beautiful maiden deeply in love with the Battle-Brother rushes forward, tearfully begging him not to leave, the kindest thing these ”tinned men” can do is press a bolter to the girl’s forehead and reply: Woman, do not obstruct my return to the Golden Throne, or be executed for the crime of Chaos heresy.

How the hell are you supposed to have a romance with that?

Of course, the current Shinji was different. He no longer had that body, nor was he influenced by Chapter culture. When Misato lost her temper, his eyes sharpened for an instant due to his memories, but then they softened, and a touch of emotion appeared.

This was concern and attachment for him as a ”person.” It couldn’t be a scheme by Tzeentch. Towards care, one should naturally respond with kindness. But how could a hundred years of service be cancelled out by a mere six months?

Selfishness versus selflessness, personal joy versus the mission to preserve humanity; Shinji experienced a conflict of mind. Then, this feeling lasted for three seconds. Yes, three seconds was the maximum limit of the impact.

”I like my current life. It has made me understand what beauty is, and what rich emotions are.”

”Then you—”

Misato’s face was full of joy. She hadn’t expected her ”talk-no-jutsu” to actually work.

”But what must be done, must be done. This is the meaning of my existence, and the reason why I fight.”

Shinji’s shift in tone immediately sent Misato’s mood plummeting. As expected, this stubborn, hard-headed idiot was immune to lectures. Her expression became intense again.

There was no other way; only the path of throwing a tantrum remained.

’I simply won’t let you go. I want you to stay by my side.’

But before she could start acting out, Shinji stood up. His stern gaze made her freeze in place. The youth’s voice overlapped with the voice from her deepest memories.

”Misato, do not obstruct a man from doing something meaningful. What I can promise you is that I will minimize the risks. Do not worry so much; I will return once this is done.”

The voice was more resolute than in her memories, and the promise carried immense weight. But Misato instead began to panic, her mouth opening to silently mouth a single word.

’Papa.’

Read ahead (100 chapters) by supporting me on buymeacoffee com/varietl or ko-fi edwriting