The Trash Returned from Warhammer

”I’m starving! When exactly is Shinji coming back?”

In the Katsuragi household, Asuka was rolling around on the sofa with her bare legs flailing, yet her eyes were locked onto Rei Ayanami. Rei was kneeling in the living room, clutching a controller, and Asuka’s intent couldn’t be clearer.

’Go cook already! Do I really have to beg you?’

”He called fifteen minutes ago and said he’d be home soon.”

Rei stared at the screen without blinking, her fingers moving so fast they left afterimages. ”Endure a little longer. If you truly can’t wait, there’s cup ramen in my fridge; you can make do with that.”

”What about you?”

”I, of course, will eat the dinner Ikari-kun prepares with his own hands.”

’Fine then, I won’t eat either.’

Asuka stopped rolling, propped her head up, cleared her throat, and mimicked Shinji’s tone: ”Don’t let play destroy your ambition. How many times have you played this trash game? I can’t believe you’re actually going to enter a professional tournament.”

”Doing one thing to the absolute limit is Ikari-kun’s teaching. Let’s be blunt: it’s not my turn to cook today. Stop with the indirect remarks. If you really can’t stand it, do it yourself.”

”Hmph, I wouldn’t want to eat your cooking anyway.”

Asuka pouted. As for doing it herself?

Please. This young lady had only learned how to wash dishes; she didn’t know the first thing about cooking. If she made something that tasted awful, that graceless guy would definitely have something to say about it.

”Ugh, still not back. You don’t think something happened, do you? Should we go out and look?”

Rei’s fingers paused for a fraction of a second before resuming: ”Don’t try to use reverse psychology. No one is a match for Shinji.”

”Yes, yes, yes, Lord Shinji is invincible.”

Asuka rolled her eyes, rolled around a few more times, and then suddenly sat bolt upright as a thought struck her: ”Hey, have you noticed? Misato’s been acting really strange lately.”

’Good heavens, you finally noticed.’

Rei remained silent for a moment, feeling somewhat relieved. Even as a participant, she could hardly stand to watch it anymore. Asuka was something else—always claiming to be a

”romance expert” with several past experiences, yet she had actually suspected Chihaya, which made the latter roll on the floor laughing.

Asuka sat cross-legged, frowning as she recalled the details: ”I think Misato definitely knows some secret. She hasn’t been acting like a ’tax thief’ lately. She’s the disgrace of adulthood; why on earth would Shinji tell her all the secrets? It’s clear none of us can help anyway. Hey, what are you laughing at?”

’I’m laughing because you’re a dummy who picked the most correct and yet most incorrect answer simultaneously.’

Rei glanced at that indignant face. The trace of amusement that had just surfaced vanished, and she turned back to her game.

”You haven’t given up yet? Shinji should have given an order.”

”I’m not as obedient as you! Jeez, I’m just curious. I just feel like the Twelfth Angel is the key. This feeling of guessing riddles every day is terrible.”

Asuka complained; her curiosity was genuine, fueled by her competitive ”Winning-ist” nature against Misato.

’If she gets to know, then I get to know.’

At that thought, her eyes darted around.

”Ayanami, tell me what dirt you have on Misato. I’ll do whatever you want in return.”

”Fine. I’m going to confess to Ikari-kun tonight. Can you promise not to interfere?”

”Pah! I never interfered in the first place! What does you confessing to him have to do with me!”

Asuka’s voice suddenly became heated. Rei’s fingers tapped a rhythm on her knee. Sure enough, after three taps, the shrill voice became distorted and stammering.

”But as the Disciplinary Committee member, I—I have an obligation to prevent all impure relationships! You can just give up on that idea unless you step over my cold, dead body! Hey, don’t you actually go grab a knife!”

Scenes like this had happened countless times. Rei had developed a fixed subroutine; she could predict exactly what this Germanic ”Winning-ist” would say and do next.

If Rei said, ”I can let you confess first,” Asuka would have two fixed responses. If she were in a good mood, she’d say, ”Ha! Who would like that idiot? You’re just trying to force me to jump off a building, you’re trying to murder me!” If she were in a bad mood, she’d say, ”Shameless! I must correct your distorted view of romance; love cannot be shared!”

It reminded Rei of the legendary Galgames. Asuka’s route options were even fewer than those of an in-game heroine; she was truly easy to predict.

She was about to replicate the plot again when she suddenly heard a muffled boom. Her expression changed instantly, and she dashed onto the balcony, causing the penguin basking in the sun on a chair to take flight in panic.

”What’s wrong? It’s just thunder. You gave me a fright.”

Asuka walked over as well. She hadn’t been startled by the sound, but she had been startled by Rei.

Rei didn’t answer. She squinted toward the city and suddenly pointed: ”Look over there.”

”Huh? Was there an accident? That’s pretty rare.”

Asuka saw a plume of black smoke rising from the neighboring district. Just as she was becoming suspicious, Rei turned to leave. Asuka quickly grabbed her hand. ”Hey, where are you running off to?”

”To find Ikari-kun.”

”What are you looking for him for? There hasn’t been an Angel attack alarm.”

Rei ignored her and hurried to the entrance. She froze the moment she opened the door. Shinji was standing right there, carrying two bags full of groceries.

’This... Have I played so many games that I’m hallucinating?’

She was dazed for a moment, blankly taking the bags. Only then did she hear Shinji’s response.

”Sorry to worry you. I ran into someone on the way back, and it delayed me a bit.”

”Someone from SEELE?” Rei frowned.

”To be precise, the Fourth Children. A strange Angel.”

’Huh? The Fourth Children? An Angel?’

Rei couldn’t connect those two terms at all. She looked Shinji over carefully. ”Are you hurt? Did you take care of it?”

Her absolute trust was on full display. She didn’t doubt the absurdity of what Shinji said for a second, nor did she wonder how one fights an Angel without an EVA. If Shinji said it, she believed it.

”No, it ran away. That’s why I said it’s a strange Angel.”

Shinji looked at Asuka, who was also approaching, and closed his mouth. This wasn’t a deliberate attempt to hide things, but rather that he himself hadn’t figured out what that Angel named Kaworu Nagisa was trying to do.

Actually, the fact that an Angel had a human name was strange enough in its own right.

When he launched his attack, Kaworu had fled instantly. Shinji had immediately contacted various units, preparing to deploy the ”Final Solution” at any moment; even Unit-01 had been moved to the launch gate.

But there was no fallout. Faced with his assault, the Angel of Free Will had not only retreated without a fight but had also hidden the encounter from SEELE. Soon, his trail was picked up again. He hadn’t gone to NERV headquarters; he had actually run off to the shores of Lake Ashi to look at the scenery.

This was very interesting. It vaguely matched his line: ”Are you not even curious about my stance?”

A pawn of SEELE who didn’t seek support; an Angel who didn’t go to headquarters to fulfill its mission. That stance was indeed very strange.

”Should we deploy the EVAs?”

”No rush. I don’t know what this xeno is actually trying to do, and it has remained under surveillance. Besides, given its power, the lumbering EVAs would have a hard time pinning it down. If the news gets out, the losses would be too great.”

Shinji walked into the house. He wasn’t being lenient; on the contrary, he was taking this very seriously.

The fact that the entity could release such a powerful AT Field without an EVA... if he hadn’t seen through its essence, he would have thought it was a Psyker from the same place he came from. In other words, annihilating this Angel would be very difficult.

The reason was simple: the target was too small, and EVAs were built to fight giant beasts.

If he couldn’t achieve a one-hit kill and the commotion of the battle spread, it would ruin the entire plan. He had been prepared to physically purge SEELE directly, but after seeing no further movement, he had forced a pause because the situation hadn’t reached that point yet.

”Deploy EVAs? Against whom?”

Asuka had just caught the first half of the sentence. She looked out the window again but still saw no Angel.

”It’s too complicated to explain. Just be careful of the Fourth Children for now. He’s not simple.”

Shinji really couldn’t explain it easily because Asuka knew nothing.

To explain Kaworu, he would have to start with SEELE, then analyze why SEELE had an Angel in their hands, followed by the Human Instrumentality Project and so on. Considering her temperament and perspective, she wouldn’t handle it any better than Misato.

Rei was simpler. Shinji only needed to tell her that the Fourth Children was an existence similar to her. She drifted into a daze for a moment and understood immediately.

”Hey! What do you mean ’too complicated’? And how is the Fourth Children involved again?”

Asuka protested on the spot. Wasn’t this just a subtle way of calling her stupid?

’See? This is why it’s a hassle.’

Shinji gave her no explanation. He hurried to the kitchen and began chopping vegetables while taking several phone calls. The confusion on his face grew heavier.

Kaji reported that SEELE had made no troop movements; there truly was no conspiracy involved—it was simply that Kaworu hadn’t reported the encounter.

Then messages from Robert and the others came through. Gendo Ikari was still under surveillance and had not made private contact with the Angel. The target remained at Lake Ashi, softly humming Ode to Joy. Ritsuko Akagi had begun observation and analysis; the entity clearly sensed her, yet still offered no reaction.

’Strange. Truly strange. I could think of several conspiracies for it.’

The best move would be to incite internal human conflict and reap the benefits; the middle move would be to deceive SEELE and take the opportunity to infiltrate Terminal Dogma to fulfill its mission; the worst move would be to use its size advantage to start an open war—the entire defense system of Tokyo-III would be unable to stop it, making it a severe trial.

But this Kaworu chose none of those. He came up and tried to have a ”deep exchange” with me, then retreated without a fight, and finally went to the lakeside to sing?

Shinji’s hand stopped mid-chop. Astartes logic simply could not comprehend the Angel’s actions. It was completely irrational. He didn’t find it mysterious or intriguing; he just found it... off-putting.

He thought for a long while and finally found the appropriate descriptor from the perspective of an Astartes regarding Kaworu’s choices and actions—

Angel of Free Will? Moron Angel!

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