My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2021: Chapter 1814: What Is Truly Suitable?

Always saying it’s not suitable, then may I ask what is suitable? What is called suitable?

Xia Jing couldn’t help but laugh heartily, knowing that in this man’s eyes, no matter how big of a mistake she made, in his eyes she would always be the most perfect. But because of this, she became even more reckless, never thinking of admitting her mistakes or changing for the better. But today, she realized, no matter how proud a woman she once was, she must now understand what it means to be obedient as a wife, know what a woman should do, fulfill her responsibilities as a wife, and have the proper attitude as a mother. She realizes everything now is the past, there’s no way to return to before, but she still wants to properly fulfill her duties as a mother. She knows she owes no one anything over the years, except for her greatest debt to her son.

If she hadn’t left him back then, she wouldn’t have had to work so hard to prove to herself that he is the strongest person.

If she hadn’t left home for freedom at that time, how could he have struggled step by step so arduously, so painfully?

If she hadn’t been driven by her own desires, how could she have committed such a grave mistake, making it impossible for anyone to forgive her, yet she acted as if nothing happened.

”Zhentian, thank you for all the love you’ve shown me over the years, I’ve always noticed. Because of you, my life has been vibrant!

I must admit, on the day you abandoned me, my once vibrant world suddenly became dull and lifeless. At that moment, I felt like the entire sky collapsed, with no piece staying by my side. You know? That moment, I felt truly helpless, wanting to cry my heart out, but I couldn’t. I understood, as a mercenary leader, I have to live on strongly, I must let everyone know even when abandoned, I shouldn’t cry. Since abandoned, I have to strengthen myself, let the one who abandoned me truly regret.”

You’ve loved me deeply all these years, I know how deep it is, a love that gets into the bones. Actually, you don’t know, at first, I didn’t genuinely love you. I just wanted your money, to play with your feelings. But gradually I realized your love for me was so deep, so pure, I felt a little guilty, and then I started to slowly love you until I loved you so deeply I couldn’t extricate myself. I knew I was going to ruin my life for you because I couldn’t live without you. I saw you as more important than my own life, I couldn’t let you leave my side, once you leave me, I’d be worse than dead.

Being with you, I was indeed very happy, but you just said marrying me was your greatest luck in life, and you never regretted marrying me. However, I still want to tell you, marrying me wasn’t your luck; it was your biggest mistake. I’ve thought of many ways to confess everything to you, but never knew how to start. Today is really a good opportunity, let me confess all the thoughts in my heart to you!

Every day before, I lived in fear because I was afraid one day you’d find out the truth, know that at first, being with you wasn’t out of true love, but to use you. That moment I felt a bit worried because I was afraid after knowing the truth you’d leave me, but later I realized our relationship couldn’t last long because you couldn’t stand my lies. I knew to patch a small lie you’d need another ten lies, and a lie following a lie plots step by step, eventually becoming a colossal lie, never able to be remedied! However, I still thank you for treating me as your most important woman, you know? That feeling was truly blissful, being in your arms every day I lived without worries, until I lost you did I know what was real, heart-wrenching truth, only then did I understand what being abandoned felt like. Only then did I know how my father and son felt when I abandoned them, knowing how hurt they were, knowing how their psychological state was the same as mine. Only then did I understand, no matter what, I should repay my son well, repay my father, let them live under the shelter of my love...”

Zhang Zhentian never expected his wife married him not for love but to use him. When he heard the news, he felt it was hard to accept. How could the woman he loved so dearly use him? Did he mean so little in her eyes? Did he really not deserve her care, concern, and love?

He thought over and over, feeling truly torn inside, unsure how to respond to everything his wife said. Should he act unaffected, saying it didn’t matter, it wasn’t her fault? But he couldn’t do that, he was really hurt inside. Why did the woman he loved so much treat him this way?

Eventually, he spoke up.

”If I say I’m not bothered, it’s impossible. I can’t pretend to be magnanimous, telling you it’s okay, that it’s not your fault. But what should I say? Tell you I hate you? I can’t do that because you are the woman I love most deeply. But saying I don’t hate you is also impossible. You once used all means for being with me, to use me, which is really unbelievable. The woman I love so dearly, how could you bear to hurt me so deeply? Did my love mean so little to you? Did you think my affection was all just a game? How could you not know how much I love you? Must you push me to the edge to be satisfied, to be content?”

Xia Jing shook her head, she never intended to drive Zhang Zhentian to the brink. She just never expected she’d end up falling for the man before her. At the beginning, she was merely playing games, wanting to toy with his emotions, but eventually, she fell deeply and couldn’t extricate herself.

When I was deeply trapped and couldn’t extricate myself, no one considered issues from my perspective. Many times I felt helpless, I didn’t want any barriers between us, do you understand?