My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2382: Chapter 2215: Relentless Demands

An exciting life is given by oneself.

”Dad, how many times do I have to repeat myself before you understand the true meaning of my words? I’ve never thought about leaving this family, much less abandoning you all. Everything I’ve done has been out of necessity, can you try to consider things from my perspective? Do you think my life has been easy over these years? You always talk about how painful and unbearable these years have been for you, but wasn’t it the same for me? Hearts are made of flesh and feel pain. I have repeatedly given everything I have, but what kind of outcome have I received in return? Have you ever tried to empathize with me, standing in my shoes? How much suffering I endure, can any of you understand even a little?

You always believe that as long as I make a mistake, it’s an unforgivable crime, a grave sin, leaving me with no way to earn your forgiveness. I have repeatedly admonished myself in the depths of my heart, regardless of what happened before, I must accept all of your punishments for wronging you, even if you want me to leave this family, and never return again, I have no way to refuse it. It’s a mistake I made, and I should bear the consequences, but the moment I chose to face the consequences, I never thought I would one day sit calmly in this house again, yet your actions truly chill my heart.

All these years, I have repeatedly told myself deep down, no matter what, I must go back to make amends to my father, make amends to my son, after all, it’s all because of a momentary mistake on my part that led to this outcome, that broke all your hearts, do you know? How afraid I am of losing you, but do you fear losing me deep down as well? Actually, maybe you think, after all, these years I haven’t been by your side accompanying you, whether I’m here or not, it’s all the same to you, adding one of me makes no difference, and sometimes you might even find me an eyesore.

Reflecting on everything I’ve done, was it right or wrong? After all these years, only once did I press my heartbreak down to the depths of my heart, without gaining anything.

Maybe now in your eyes, I’m nothing, just a heinous villain beyond redemption, without any reason or qualification to beg for your forgiveness. You think everything I do is wrong.

Have you never considered what all this was for and what reasons led me to do this? You’ve never thought about why I did it, you’ve never asked me, with self-centeredness, you’ve passed a death sentence on all my actions. Do you know? What you do is selfish, repeatedly killing my chances to stay at home, repeatedly driving me away, forcing me again and again to leave my hometown and wander alone outside, who can experience that feeling? How much hardship am I going through? Do you care? Have you thought about what I am achieving by doing this? I value everything so much, but what about the outcome, how do you treat me?”

”You now tell me how we treat you! How have you treated me, your father? Was it easy for me to raise you? From the day you were born, Xiao Li’s mother hasn’t been by your side; she left shortly after you were born. Do you think my heart doesn’t ache? I understand your love for your wife because I have loved your mother for so many years, spending many days and nights together, holding her in my dreams as I sleep. Do you know how much I miss her?

Yet in the end, I can only face your mother. No matter what, she will never return to my side. Even if I made all the mistakes, I just hope she could come back to scold me, criticize me a bit. But that’s just impossible; she will never return, she has been gone for decades. In these decades, how remorseful have I felt? How many thoughts have I wrestled with? I repeatedly buried her deep in my heart because I know, regardless of time or place, I have no reason or right to reject her. All she has given me is the greatest love. If I chose to leave, if I considered everything as desecration to your mother, would it even be right for me to be her husband? Or should I have been with her all those years?

Don’t you feel at all that you’re actually luckier than I am? You and your wife can at least live together for so many years, whereas I had only a few brief years with your mother. Those years are the happiest, most carefree time in my memory, and no matter what, I cannot return to that time. Do you know how regretful and heartbroken I am deep down? She was my wife, yet she passed away right in my arms, and I was powerless. I pleaded to the heavens, begged the earth, hoping they could grant her another year of life.

But at that moment, my calls went unanswered by heaven and earth, no one understands my despair at that time. How much I hoped she could return to me, but was it possible? That will never be a possible outcome. I’ve treated everything as the most important thing in my life, but how have you treated me? How much pain have I gone through over and over? Has anyone cared? Maybe you think you’re enduring the most pain now because all this is what I’ve given you. But have you thought about your mother, she now lies alone in the cold earth, possibly having turned into mere bones while we’re still joyfully living here; her comfort will come from us!

Never compare yourself to others in selfishness because it’s possible that everything you do is more selfish than others. Do you know? Seeing you and your wife so loving, I’m so envious, even though you’re my son, I envy your life. Even if you’re unfilial to me, I quietly hope behind closed doors that one day, I will live such a life, but such life I will never again get to experience, no matter how much I wish for him to return to my side.”

Joyful days are to be missed by oneself.