My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2351: Chapter 2183: Harmony

Life belongs to oneself, and the path is walked by oneself, as long as one’s conscience is clear.

”I know, how could I not know? It’s precisely because you have sacrificed so much for me that I feel guilty. These past few years, how much hurt have I caused you? Don’t you know that? You clearly know that many times I am just taking advantage of your feelings for me, yet despite knowing this, you still willingly stay by my side. What can I possibly say to you?

Sometimes you clearly know that, when I tell you harsh and heartless words again and again, it’s only to vent my frustrations, to avoid keeping the fire in my heart buried deep within. I vent the anger I receive from elsewhere onto you, and is there truly no resentment within your heart?

You are my husband, yet all these years, I’ve never fulfilled even a bit of the responsibilities a wife should. I’ve always been at odds with you, constantly doing things to hurt you. You stayed by my side for the hope that we could live happily and joyfully, forgetting all the pain. All you remember are the most beautiful memories between us!”

”Xia Jing, we are husband and wife. You are the woman I love most. No matter when or where, neither of us should thank the other, because that ’thank you’ could truly ruin the feelings between us. Once that ’thank you’ is spoken, the nature of our relationship changes, and we become distant!

We should all live happily together, not dwelling on past unhappiness. Forget all the pain and troubles. As long as we live happily and joyfully in the future, why bother with the rights and wrongs of the past? Even if we get entangled with too much internally, what does it really matter to ourselves when ultimately we tread a different path from others?

Because I have long understood that all paths in the world are walked by oneself, and no one can arrange them perfectly. We should bear all the responsibilities and pains of the mistakes we once made. We’ve forgotten what kind of days we relied on to get here, but how could we easily give up when we’ve supported each other all the way to today?”

”I know, it’s not that I’m unaware of your genuine love for me, but these years you’ve clearly missed your child, your father, and your whole family, yet you never mentioned it in front of me, because you feared making things difficult for me. You don’t want me to struggle, you only want me to live happily, but how could I, as your wife, not be aware of your thoughts?

You masked all your longing for home in front of me, just hoping I could continue living happily without worry outside. But you didn’t know that ever since I realized your longing for this home, my heart has been in turmoil. I don’t want you to be sad or struggle, and I want to bring you back home so that everyone there can forgive you. Even if it ends in my being driven out, I would feel no regret, as long as you can return to this home, no longer living in pain like before, which would be the greatest comfort in this world for me as a wife.

Don’t think I’m stupid, nor that I’m doing something for you. Everything I do is only to win a touch of sentiment in front of you. I just hope you can forever remember me. Yet, I chose another way to hurt you, only hoping you could leave me to return home. As long as I leave, you can go back home!

I watched my child grow up step by step with my own eyes, knowing well how much sadness and pain they’ve endured, yet I have no means to make up for the harm I’ve caused them because as a mother, I am useless. I don’t know how to help my son live happily. When I see him being bullied, I wish I could go up and beat the other child to death. I just want my child to be happy and carefree.

Every time I stood outside his school watching him come, go, do you know how happy I was? I wanted to rush up and hug him, but I couldn’t muster the courage. I feared he wouldn’t recognize me and would push me away.

No one knows these pains, but for me, they are deeply ingrained. I know my son also wishes for me to accompany him well, but as a mother, the only thing I’ve brought him is harm!

Today, with just the two of us here, I choose to pour all my heart out to you. I hope these words never reach my son because if he hears them, he might think his mother is simply pretending. Obviously unwilling to see him yet still telling others how much I miss him. But I truly, from the bottom of my heart, want to live with him.”

Zhang Zhentian sighed. How could he not know? How could he possibly not understand how much his wife wants to see her child? Every time his wife stood at the school gate, he was behind her, never letting her find out, silently allowing her to look at their child, undisturbed by anyone. He once saw his wife standing outside the school gate, secretly wiping her tears. How could anyone understand the pain deep in his heart as a husband?

”In fact, all these years, every time you stood outside her school watching her, I stood behind you, never allowing you to find out. I saw you cry while watching him, knowing how much you cared deep inside. But you had no way, you could only cover how much you missed him with a cold heart, just wanting your son not to recognize you as his mother.

I believe you still love him at heart. No matter what you have done over these years, your longing for him has never diminished. Regardless of whether they truly won’t accept us, we can leave again. But this time, I won’t abandon them. I will often return to visit them. I will just live in a different place, and I have resolved to do everything possible to earn father’s forgiveness. As long as we can live happily together, in this home, even if I am just a slave, merely a humble servant, I can accept it, as long as I am not kept away, as long as they allow me to stay here and watch them happy, that’s enough!”

With you, life is truly a happy one!