My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1516: Chapter 1310: Can’t Help But Love

Involuntarily out of control, feeling quite defeated, yet every day is still exciting. Perhaps I need your love for me every day, my thoughts are open for you to guess, but my love for you will never change.

I talk about him every day, and I constantly ask myself, what exactly is true love? How much of what is said is faster than imagined? But I never have an answer.

During this time, Zhang Yichen felt quite relaxed, his parents no longer concerned with his affairs, at least they weren’t quarreling endlessly like before. His wife’s condition was relatively stable during this period, with no bad occurrences or unexpected events. This was a blessing amidst misfortune for him. He hadn’t experienced such a peaceful life for a long time, and he doesn’t even know, having come this far was not easy for him, but he never gave up.

If a bad result were to occur suddenly due to conflict within his family, he really wouldn’t know what kind of outcome he’d face. Now he has no interest, no intention to deal with these entanglements. He feels that every day is fulfilling, yet also exhausting.

These years have been difficult step by step for her until today. He thinks about every event he’s gone through over the years, every decision he’s made. Is he truly at peace with himself? He never considered how he ended up here, living step by step, only hoping his family would be safe. Now his family has reached the outcome he most desires, even though his wife hasn’t yet awakened, he still feels happy...

”Dad, to be honest, I am filled with despair regarding this family now. I can no longer find the warmth I used to crave from each person in this family, do you understand? When I am tormented again and again, when I am at a dead end needing to be intoxicated, the care and protection from loved ones always result only in pain. How much I desire to live happily and joyfully for my entire life, what did I get in the end? I got nothing, instead, I lost so much.

All these years, no matter how you all perceived me, I was truly happy. Even though I experienced hurt time and again, hiding under my blanket to cry alone, deep down in my heart, those were the happiest moments of my life. I’ve come this far with my own efforts, not relying on anyone. I was raised by my grandfather, feeling bittersweet at that moment in my heart. I never received your love or companionship. Deep down, my parents are like invisible people, never appearing by my side.

The time when I needed you the most has already passed; the past time cannot return. There’s no opportunity to go back to the present. How could you understand the intense pain from the harm you caused me back then? I never share my past pain with anyone because it’s futile. Yet today, I can’t bear it anymore. I did so much, but what did I get in the end? I got hurt by my own family, nothing in return.

When I needed you the most, you were wandering aimlessly. You abandoned me, leaving me alone to face all the pressure. At that moment, my heart was always bittersweet. I never imagined my parents would treat me so harshly. Was I really wrong to want what I wanted? Should I really be destined to be hurt by my family repeatedly, while I endure all the pain without reaction? I am unwilling to accept it, and I’ve proven through my own efforts that being unwilling is justified.

I thought about living at all costs, as long as I’m alive, I’d be happy to do anything. But what did I get in return? Even if I could live like that, I still got nothing in the end. I lost my loved one, I lost myself, my potentially happy family, and everything I cherished and cared about the most. What was the meaning of everything I did at that time?”

”Child, you should know that from the beginning till now, I never intended to treat you this way. The misunderstanding between us is too deep, not something that can be solved with a few words. Did you ever think, if I really wanted you gone without returning, truly didn’t want to come back to take care of you and accompany you, why would I stand here, unhindered? Have you ever considered things from my perspective? Is everything you did right, and everything I did wrong? I lived for my liberty, for eating, is that wrong? My desire to leave was simply to let my spouse be happy, just as you want your wife to be joyful and healthy, to accompany you safely without separation. Don’t I want that too?

Clearly, many things are human nature, yet in your eyes, they’re so unforgivable. Have you considered the torment and pain in my heart as a father? Have you considered when I’m caught in the middle, how difficult my choices are? You think everything is just for yourself, but have you thought about the hardship of everything I’ve done? If you could consider from my perspective even a little, the ending wouldn’t be what it is now. I don’t wish for any more unexpected events between us, nor do I wish for any of us to harp on this matter, continuing to argue endlessly. Such a life exhausts me, and it’s not the life we wanted.”

”Now you suddenly tell me you don’t want that kind of life. Do you think I would believe it? Perhaps I really did believe every word you said, but now I don’t, because believing you only brought harm upon myself again and again. Why should I let myself be covered in bruises while I silently bear all the pain, and you’re beside me laughing? Why should those I owe in my life only be my grandfather, my wife, my child, not my parents, because you never loved or accompanied me? Even though you gave me life, when you abandoned me all those years, everything was already settled. We owe each other nothing; I won’t combine myself with your appearance, and your deeds won’t bring resentment in me. I’m not the person I was before. I want to live with dignity through my efforts, never to be saddened by anyone again...”

My sincerity and your goodwill, the difficulties in our surrounding environment always keep us apart. My brilliance leaves you staring in a daze, both our hearts constantly colliding, the future we should have only results in hurt.