My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1285: Chapter 1114: The Past

Who doesn’t have a past?

Some people think the past is actually a most painful memory, of course, a memory that should never be mentioned in a lifetime, but who knows that it’s just a scar deep in someone else’s heart. Who would be willing to repeatedly reveal their own scars in front of outsiders, to show that bloodiness to others, only to be mocked by them?

When I think back on everything I have experienced, I really don’t know what mindset and approach I used to reach where I am today. How much I fear that my life will progress step by step to my most difficult moments, collapse. I am so afraid, this is not what I want, but the moment I realize that all of this is too far from my ideals, I know this is truly not what I want. All I want is a stable life, yet not everyone can give me that, every step I took to reach today was really relying on my luck.

Recalling how many years I’ve grown, what I have actually experienced, who has ever truly stood in my shoes, and thought about me even once, I am so afraid, afraid that the things I have experienced will once again appear before my eyes, afraid that all the past pain will reappear in my life unchanged, I can’t bear it anymore, the repeated pain has almost driven me insane.

I have no other requests, I just wish to live happily, carefreely, undisturbed by the world, unraveled by anyone’s decisions disrupting the illegalities of my life. Maybe it’s insignificant in others’ eyes, but to me, it’s so important, how could I so easily forget or give up?

”All of this is really not what I want. I once thought that as long as I achieved my goals and got what I wanted, it would be enough, but in the end, I realized that what you wanted is so far away. I never thought there would be a day when I would become like this, just hoping to live easily and happily, forgetting what kind of return I should give to those who love me the most.”

Actually, everyone at this point has their own fears, with every step taken, afraid of every harm they’ve ever suffered.

Perhaps everyone has seen different things, but in the end, they will all reach the place they rightfully belong. No one will remain unchanged, waiting for you. Moreover, no one will foolishly care for you like before, caring about you for their lifetime. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. If you choose to pin all hope on others, you will end up with the most painful outcome. No one will foolishly care for you like before, no one will sacrifice everything, including their life, for you.

Perhaps everyone once thought about giving everything for the person they believed to be their most beloved, regardless of the cost. But ultimately, you’ll find that even if you gave everything for them, how they never cared about your innermost thoughts. In their eyes, you mean nothing, they can abandon you over trivial matters, or give up on you entirely over unnecessary things. Everyone has their goals, everyone has their path, but everyone fears the harm and torment they dread most.

I can never forget all the suffering I endured, I always believed that if I could overcome the storms, I could be happy, but in the end, I found out it was just my imagination. No one will stay there waiting forever, giving you the most solid shoulder. They will keep dragging you down. When I think about the things my parents once said to me, I am still very afraid, especially that day...

”Sometimes I discover that this is not what I truly want deep inside, why would my original goal be so colossally displaced? Is that really the ending I wanted?”

Zhang Yichen right now doesn’t know how his innermost being came to be like this. All these things weren’t his original intention, but when he realized everything had turned into something unchangeable, wanting to redeem it was too late. He gave too much. If he knew this was the ending, if he knew everything was predestined and unalterable, he absolutely wouldn’t have made all the sacrifices to achieve this goal. When he reached this step, he realized he was truly the weakest one, and even if he gave his all, willing to pay any price, ultimately it was like an ant trying to shake a giant tree, futile and helpless.

He now sees every step he’s taken, and it’s really hard not to mock himself when he realizes that despite all his efforts, it’s just a joke. Who ever truly cared about all the efforts he made from deep within?

Watching as he gains what he wants most, only to lose what he originally had, it’s a feeling akin to losing something only to gain it back, and nobody can truly comprehend what this tangible experience is like. They tasted all the sweet, sour, bitter, and spicy times again and again, only to find that wasn’t really their goal.

I really had a hard time in the past. I don’t know what I said in every step I took, but later I realized that my happiness is actually simple, as long as I’m worry-free, being with the people I want in my heart is enough. Why care about so much truth and falsehood, even if you care so much, the result might not be the one you want the most.

”Mom and Dad, if one day you can truly put down all the prejudices and live well as a family, at that moment, I will be immensely grateful. I’m so afraid, afraid that every nightmare I’ve ever had will come true, afraid that every member of my family will truly leave me. I am not that strong, I’m not the superhero in your eyes, I’m not almighty, I’m just a fragile boy. All I want is for my family to live happily and for every family to get the warmth and love they rightfully deserve!”