My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1276: Chapter 1105: The Hardship of Living

No one owes you anything, and no one can give you everything from the very beginning. Everything he does is just to make everyone in this family happy and joyful. If you truly think this is what should be done, then you’ve misunderstood everyone’s intentions.

”Since you’ve already said it yourself, that man has explicitly told you he has no feelings for you anymore, so why do you still wholeheartedly think about being with him?

Is it because I treat you poorly, or because I’m somehow inferior to her? Is it because I’m not good-looking or have wronged you in some way? Why do you have to do these heartless and ruthless things to me?

In your heart, have you never regarded me as your husband? Does the safety of our family mean so little to you? Where do you place your family? Since you initially chose to build a family with me, you must take responsibility for it. The way you are acting now, what do you take each member of this family as, mere pawns to be discarded if unwanted?”

Zhang Zhentian became increasingly annoyed as he thought about it. He never imagined that one day his wife would turn into someone like this.

He didn’t understand how the cheerful and outgoing woman he once knew had become so different. Why does everything he says seem meaningless, and everything he does seem wrong in her eyes?

Perhaps all day long, he didn’t realize it; when one person no longer loves another, no matter how hard that person tries, it won’t make a difference. Though he appears to care in his heart, eventually, it’s all meaningless.

”Don’t say that. During the time with you, I was truly very happy. You gave me everything I wanted. You inquired if I would go to any lengths, but have you ever really thought about what kind of life I want? What kind of outcome would we have together? Again and again, you’ve blocked my life with your arbitrary decisions!

Have you ever thought about what kind of life I want? Every day I live in agony; who has given me the happiness I crave? Again and again, I struggle with illness and torment. I also want to achieve the life I desire, but what have you given me in the end?

I asked him if he could keep crying and laughing with me, but in the end, I got nothing in return. Each time I hugged him from behind, you know, internally, I was screaming in pain. It hurt immensely; I truly wanted to hold him forever and never let go. I wished time would stop at that moment, but would the heavens truly be so attentive? Not at all!

When I was hugging her, I repeatedly prayed inwardly, pleading to let time slow down a bit or to forever freeze at that moment, never letting it pass. But the truth is, when I lifted my head, time had indeed passed, and he turned away. At that moment, I was left standing silently waiting, feeling so lonely and hopeless—who can understand this?

You might think people shouldn’t be so selfish, but do you know that all I desire is so simple, just to stay by his side, and I can do without everything else.

All these years, I’ve been considering others, but in the end, I’ve gained nothing. To me, this is a failed result; no matter how much I consider others, what am I in their eyes?

I disregarded the pain of my sickness to stay with him. All I desire is to see him smile once, even if my heart is bleeding. As long as he smiles outwardly, I can still be very happy.

You may think what I did was foolish and naive, but don’t you understand—this is what true love is. Right now, I don’t need him to show any affection toward me anymore; I don’t need him to put his heart on me again. If I give my feelings and my heart to her, that’s enough, whether I end up bruised and battered or gain lifelong happiness. As long as I have no regrets, that’s enough. I’ve lost him again and again; this time, I truly don’t want to lose him. If I lose her once more, I don’t even know how long I can continue to live...”

Zhang Zhentian never thought his wife would love that man so deeply, even willing to disregard her own life for him. What does that make him, her husband, in her eyes? Is he only a refuge for emotions once again? Is it really just because of a transfer of affection?

”I never thought you could love her so deeply that you’re willing to disregard everything, even your life for him. Why can’t you do the same for me once? I remember when we were together, you pretended to love me fervently. At that moment, I truly believed I had entered a paradise of happiness. But later, I discovered it was merely the beginning of a painful hell!

Even if you don’t want to be with me in this lifetime, even if I’m not truly present in your heart, could you at least consider my feelings a bit? I just want to live a healthy, happy, and joyful life, even just a little bit happier is enough. But have I ever truly been happy in all these years? I have not. For you, I traveled far and wide, roamed to the ends of the earth; for you, I gave up my whole family and endured the pain of longing.

I’m acutely aware my father is waiting for his son to come home and visit him. I know my father is eagerly anticipating our return to the family.

But I’m aware of all this, yet for your happiness, I still chose to act oblivious. Do you know how desperate I am? Do you know how much hardship my father endures? You never considered what kind of life we want; each decision you make is only for your own personal desires!

Isn’t the truly selfish person really you? Don’t you have any awareness of what you’ve done?

Stop hoping others will forgive you because your actions make it impossible for anyone to forgive you in this lifetime. You’ll live perpetually in your pain, in your own world, never to emerge, as you have no chance of redemption in this lifetime. You can only endure the torment of pain, bearing the suffering it brings again and again until ultimately you’re just reaping what you’ve sown!”

The most frightening thing in life is living. Living is a very arduous task; all the ups and downs one experiences today may not necessarily help them understand the world. He hides all his emotions deep within, and perhaps until the day he leaves the world, he won’t be able to let go of all that he’s lost, wondering what it was all for.