My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1274: Chapter 1103: Defying Fate

”I always believed that as long as I did the right thing, it would be enough. I never believed in fate, nor in the arrangements heaven had for me. In the end, I couldn’t escape the path laid out by the heavens. Perhaps every step wasn’t what I truly wanted, nor the path I wished to walk. Ultimately, I found myself powerless, treading a road of no return.”

Old Master Zhang heard Xia Jing say this. He had no way to describe his daughter-in-law’s demeanor. He only knew she had completely lost her sanity, ignoring whatever anyone said.

”Child, I know now that no matter what I say, you won’t listen. But I hope you understand that everyone has their responsibilities. The greater the responsibility, the more burdens you carry. Don’t you realize what you should be doing now? Living in such despair, would he be happy to see this? Perhaps you don’t know, but no one wishes to see you so pained. We are your loving family, even if you lose the world, you still have us!”

”Since the day I lost her, I lost the entire world. What difference do you make? What you bring me will never match what he gave. No matter how I force a smile among you, inside I always long for him. Longing is a pain that breathes, and I gasp repeatedly in agony.

I’m truly no saint. I only wish for a happy, carefree life, to give those who love me joy and stability. But I have no way to understand. I know I made many mistakes, suffered too many blows in this life. I know I have no means to make amends for it all. How can I mend a wounded heart? I hurt those who loved me most, and can never forgive myself!

Each of you has experienced this pain, why can’t you feel my emotions? The despair, the anger—if my actions back then weren’t too harsh, how could he leave me? Continuous regret renders me unable to forgive myself, leaving me moaning in pain. I know I’ll live like this forever—barely surviving, hoping one day amidst the crowded world, I might see her again. Even if he has a wife and children by then, seeing him happy from afar will be enough. I could lose everything, as I’ve truly realized my mistakes, but don’t know how to restore things to how they were. I’ve lost her, lost the world, recalling the pain I caused him—I’m no better than a beast...”

”Mom, I hope none of us ever mention this issue again. Since we’ve chosen this life, let it be. Why dwell on the past? Do you know how sad Dad would be if he knew? He could abandon me, his son, and Grandpa, giving up the family reputation for you—sacrificing everything just to be with you. Are you really blind to this? I believe you are not so heartless, not one to ignore the bigger picture for personal gain!”

”Since you’re not like that, why disguise yourself and let everyone misunderstand? Is it really worthwhile? Living like this, you’ll only face scorn. You’re truly kind, and for a lover, you’d forsake lifelong happiness. You’re the most foolish woman in the world. I, as a child, have no right to speak to my mother this way. But Mom, everyone is living, assuming responsibility for their past choices. I don’t know how to persuade you. I know your heartache, but think about each family member. Seeing you sullen hurts us. If Dad saw, it would only worry him more. Don’t you want to prevent him from getting hurt? Over the years, you’ve grown feelings for him, even if they aren’t romantic—time shared brings attachment!”

”You’re wrong. I’ve no affection for him, despite the years together. I see him as a brother, not a lover. I can’t love him, as the one I loved left because of my actions. I’ll live this life in regret, never easily loving again. If our romance failed, I vowed never to love another lightly. Perhaps I’m destined to a lingering existence, driven only by obsession, to live solely to see him again one day!

You might find my actions foolish, but don’t you understand? It’s how one loves another deeply. Losing her showed me the depth of my immersion. I can’t amend it or explain to him. I know she’ll never want to see me, yet I yearn for her. I’ve tried everything to atone for my mistakes, only to invite scorn. Powerless, I wish heaven for a chance to amend each mistake, even risking my life for redemption. But ultimately, I can’t. Heaven’s given me one chance—barely surviving, witnessing my love departing again and again, leaving me further behind, while I stand crying in solitude—Heaven’s ultimate revenge!

Perhaps someone like me bears this burden, living joylessly, trapped in pain, forever struggling in the abyss, never escaping. I live this life only to wait alone!”

Did my disbelief in fate truly cause wrong? Did wanting a straightforward life prove so hard?

I only wish to live with clear conscience toward heaven and earth, carving my own space in this world.