My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1139: Chapter 999 Soothing the Pain

During the following period, nothing bad happened to Zhang Yichen’s family.

Everyone thought that in the upcoming days, each person could live their own life, but who would have known that gradually more and more troubles appeared in the family. They slowly became overwhelmed, not knowing how to deal with these family issues. They watched helplessly as their home turned into chaos, unable to do anything. Even if they had the intention, they couldn’t help, only able to watch as their family headed in a direction they didn’t want to see. The answer they wanted most was simply for their family to be happy. Even though their family had caused them so much pain, all that was in the past. Why should they hold on to the past and refuse to let go? That would be too difficult!

”Mom and Dad, regarding all the things in the past, I won’t question now who’s right or wrong, nor will I care about the rights and wrongs of those past events. In my eyes, as long as everyone is happy, that’s enough. We’ve already gone through the hardest times, which might have been the most difficult period in our lives. We’ve been through so much, so why bother with what kind of life we used to live? All we want is happiness, isn’t that right?

I’ve watched helplessly as the life we wanted turned into the kind of life we used to despise. I’ve become accustomed to this unchanged feeling, which I truly detest. I can’t accept this kind of life in my world. I can’t pretend none of this happened. If I could, I wish I could have one genuine feeling to forget all unhappiness and lead the life I truly want.”

Even if his child doesn’t say it, Xia Jing understands that the past will always be a pain, no matter how much time passes or whether everyone lives together now. That hurt won’t fade away with anyone’s departure or the passage of time. It has left a deep imprint in his soul.

In fact, he himself never knew when and where he became like this. Once, he could consider the bigger picture and sacrifice everything he cared about for it. But when the day truly came, he still cowardly shrank back and chose to give up those he should have protected and cherished, choosing a difficult, uneven path instead of his most beautiful and happy times.

”Yichen, I have repeatedly asked myself, if I had another chance, what choice I would make. Would I still stubbornly follow the same path? Maybe that would be hurtful to myself. I understand the hurt I caused you can never be forgotten; it left a mark in your soul that can’t be erased. I don’t know how to interact with you or communicate. We used to be close, the best of relatives, but now we’re not even like strangers.

Even strangers would greet each other with a smile, but now between us, even a smile is difficult to exchange. I smile at you, but I never get any joy from you. In your eyes, I’m never a qualified mother. I know the mistakes I’ve made, I’m aware of them, and I can neither forget them nor make you let go. Those mistakes have caused you deep pressure and hurt. I wish everything could stay like this forever.

The old me was so much better than now. Now, I even scare myself. Do you know, when I saw your wife acting crazy in the hospital, I empathized. I faced the same hardship, though I didn’t go mad. My heart made the same decisions as hers. I could understand her despair and fear of loss. But I never cherished what I once had. I discarded all that I should have owned. I harmed those I loved most in the cruelest way possible.

In your eyes, I’m neither a qualified mother nor a daughter-in-law because I abandoned my father, my child, and our happy family, turning it into a broken mess. I made every family member bear unforgettable pain. I wish everything were just a dream, even if it only brought me more happiness. Deep inside, I’m full of guilt; I took your father away from this home. Do you know, I’ve regretted it all these years? I’ve been blaming myself for my heartlessness, for every mistake I made. I caused my family all this pain while I lived happily outside. I can’t understand how I managed it back then.

How did I make everyone in the family despair and disappoint in me?

I’m scared now; I don’t know if what I’ve done is right or wrong. I can’t make up for my past mistakes. I know I can only live with them, making me who I am today. I wish time could give me another chance, taking me back decades ago, letting me make the right choice and protect those I should have, always staying by their side, never leaving, even if their hearts were hurt. I’m willing to heal them instead of betraying them!”