My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1122: Chapter 972: Don’t Think About Unhappy Things

The harm cannot be forgotten; we are not saints, no one can completely forget the wounds they have suffered. In the past, you might have said you didn’t care, but there was no way you didn’t care in your heart.

”In fact, you never think about what betrayal really is. In your hearts, you think everything you do is right, but who knows what kind of pain we’ve all endured? We make ourselves stronger just to live without guilt, to live more beautifully. But are we truly happy? Are the things we do really what we want? Time after time, I am slowly becoming numb, not knowing what I truly desire as the outcome, and even less knowing who is the person I love most in this life.

When I give all my true feelings over and over again, only to receive cold-hearted treatment in return, how do you feel deep down at such a moment? No one is willing to suffer such a blow, and even less to endure such torment.

When all the hurt and pain strike deep within your heart, you become numb. You’re unable to tell who is right and who is wrong; you don’t even know who truly treats you well or ill. You have no way to distinguish any of it.

If someone in this world is willing to exchange their true heart with yours, you mustn’t. No one in this world is truly reliable, and that includes men. The only person you can trust is yourself. Only your own strength can fully eliminate the feeling of being looked down upon by others. If you choose to be bullied time and time again, to swallow your anger repeatedly, others will only continue to oppress you, doing whatever they wish. They don’t care if you tolerate them, they will just see themselves as the victors, the rulers, and they will ride roughshod over you, ready to insult you at will.

Child, it’s not that your mother’s words are meant to trouble you; I only hope you can suffer a little less deception. When you see others joyously receiving what is yours repeatedly, do you know that feeling? Do you know what it’s like to be betrayed by someone dear to you? Do you understand what it feels like for your best friend, for your beloved, to tear open your wounds again and again, to sprinkle salt over them without ever understanding what restraint is, what it means to stop in time?

I’ve seen far too many such bloody scenes. I’ve witnessed people endure all kinds of pain and harm time after time, yet not a single person has stood in my shoes to consider things for me. At the moment when someone ripped open my bloody wounds and sprinkled salt on them again, I struggled to heal, only to be harmed again. Do you really think my heart doesn’t ache? Am I truly as cold and unfeeling as you say? I am not.

No one has ever stood in my shoes to consider things for me when doing anything. The bitterness in my heart is indescribable, like a dumb man swallowing bitter herbs. But have I ever said anything? I endured time and again until others increasingly harmed me. I’ve had enough. I am not a saint; I can’t keep smiling joyfully while being hurt repeatedly. How could I be so weak? I’m not that kind of weak woman who lets others bully me randomly. I want to destroy everyone who hurt me through my own efforts. I want them to know the consequences of having harmed me, to forever remember the painful price paid after betraying me. I want them to wake up in nightmares, each scene as bloody as the next, with no way to erase them, as they will always exist mentally in my heart.”

Zhang Yichen never thought his mother had so much grievance buried deep inside. She never spoke of this pain to anyone. He truly suffered in silence. Every decision he made hurt someone, yet his carelessness wasn’t intentional. He only wanted to protect each good friend by his side, hoping they would stay sincerely and accompany him. It was only after he gave everything that he realized all of it was a mistake. No matter how he tried, he never got the outcome he most wanted. Reality compelled him repeatedly, leaving him with nowhere to go. He didn’t know what dire straits he would face anymore; he buried all his innermost thoughts time after time, only proving he had no way to forget all the harm and pain he endured in this lifetime.

Maybe sometimes I really should stand by my mother’s side and think more about all she did and why she turned out this way. Is there really no connection between how she turned out and myself?

Sometimes I wonder if everything I did to my mother was really not excessive at all. I always wanted things this way, never imagining my mother had such a difficult time. When I learned the truth, my heart was hard to accept. But when I heard all this pain descending upon her, I still couldn’t accept or balance it in my heart. Who should bear the blame for all of this? Whose fault is it? I never imagined things would become so ugly, let alone so hard to reconcile.

Perhaps I really need to think carefully about what I truly want. Seeing my mother like this, what do I have left? What do you have left to cruelly blame your mother for her indifference? Everything I’ve done has only been for my own peace and happiness.

After the family is hurt, they never forget the road they’ve walked. Only by forever remembering what they’ve gone through can they truly live as themselves...