Back Then, I Adored You

After walking a full circle around A High School, Qin Zhi’ai checked the time on her phone. Discovering it was almost noon, when students would be rushing out of school, she started to walk toward the school gates to avoid being jostled by the kids.

As she reached the gates, she was stopped by a security guard she knew, who said, “I was about to drop you a message to notify you that there’s a letter for you. It’s such a coincidence that you’re here today.”

She’d only replied to Mr. S’s letter a few days ago, so she was stunned for a few seconds, as typically she’d receive replies two to four weeks after sending her letters.

Qin Zhi’ai followed the guard to the security room and, upon receiving the letter, she thanked him and chatted idly for a while. Only when she heard the school bell ring did she say her goodbyes and leave the school.

Flagging down a taxi, she headed back home and cooked herself a bowl of noodles. When her belly was full, she napped on her bed for two hours and only opened the letter that Mr. S had written to her after she had woken up and poured herself a glass of milk.

With less than a week before she departed the country, Qin Zhi’ai decided to reply to Mr. S right away, just in case she might be too busy and forget in these last few days.

In her letter, she told Mr. S about her plans to head abroad, as well as how she would no longer be able to write to him since she would be gone for at least a year. She also promised him that she would write to him immediately upon her return, no matter how long she might be gone, and that she would look forward to his reply at that time.

Finishing her sentence, Qin Zhi’ai looked through Mr. S’s letter again. Not in a rush to answer his first question, she jumped to his second question first.

“A new beginning is definitely important to me.”

Qin Zhi’ai then wrote without any hesitation, “He is so important that I would be willing to sacrifice my own life to defend him.”

The child belonged to her and Gu Yusheng and, with no desire to abort and a deep desire to have this baby, there was no question as to why she responded this way, even with all the challenges she would face having a child at this time.

Subconsciously, Qin Zhi’ai reached out her hand and caressed her flat belly. The edge of her lips lifted into a faint smile and she could not help but share her small sense of joy with Mr. S. “There isn’t much that I ask for. I merely hope that he will be healthy and happy. As long as I am capable, I will do my best to satisfy all his wants. I will accompany him for as long as I live.”

“Because, Mr. S, you know what? It is the only happiness that I can grasp onto in my life now.”

As she wrote this, her eyes turned dull.

She had tried hard during her pregnancy to not think too much about Gu Yusheng, as she was afraid that it would be too upsetting for her, as well as for the baby’s development. No matter how hard she tried, though, occasionally she couldn’t help but feel down.

Qin Zhi’ai remained in a daze for some time before taking a deep breath. Her emotions calmed down slightly, and she bit on the tip of her pen, pondering for a long time before eventually penning down another sentence on the paper.

“Mr. S, I’m not sure how to reply to your first question. All I know is that, right now, I’m trying my best to forget him.”