Back Then, I Adored You

After returning to the hospital, Gu Yusheng had a fever, but after sleeping until one in the afternoon with IV fluids he woke up feeling better.

He had simply stood too long in the cold last night. Other than that, there was nothing wrong with him, and a CT scan of his head verified that.

He didn’t tell his doctor what he’d forgotten, but he did ask about what was wrong with him.

The brain surgeon told him he had selective memory loss, one of the most common memory loss types that people suffer.

Gu Yusheng now realized that the shock from losing Qin Zhi’ai had been too much, and his head injury during that earthquake had been the catalyst to erase his painful memories.

Xiaowang came to visit him at 1:30 p.m. and, at the end of their visit, Gu Yusheng told him to give his grandfather a ride home because he needed rest in his own bed.

Once left alone in this room, Gu Yusheng couldn’t help but recall all the memories he had recovered.

The more he remembered the wonderful times when he was young, the more regretful he became in the present. A depression so deep in him was making it difficult to breathe. He reached for his cigarettes by habit, but quickly realized he didn’t have anything on him except his cell phone.

He decided to go to a convenience store across from the hospital and flipped the blanket off him. Immediately he smelled cigarette smoke and sweat from his fever on his hospital gown.

Gu Yusheng took off the gown and went to the bathroom to shower. After drying off, he put on his street clothes and called the nurse to have her change his sheets before he returned.

The afternoon sunlight felt so good that Gu Yusheng sat on a bench in the hospital garden to smoke while watching people going in and out of the emergency room.

After three or four cigarettes, he was shocked to see Qin Zhi’ai walking out of the emergency room.

She was holding lab results of some kind in her hand, trying to get them in her purse as she carefully watched her steps going down some stairs. The direction she was going indicated that she was heading for the hospital gate and would be passing Gu Yusheng in the garden.

He watched her walking closer and, when she was six feet from him, with a cigarette between his lips, he called out her name. “Qin Zhi’ai.”

His speaking up was spontaneous and the cigarette made him slur, but she heard him and stopped.

Not sure if she heard her name or not, she looked to her left and then to her right. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and stood up, calling her name again. “Qin Zhi’ai.”

This time she heard from where her name was coming and quickly turned around. She was shocked in turn, and then their eyes locked.

Gu Yusheng stubbed out his cigarette and tossed it into the trash can before approaching Qin Zhi’ai, who didn’t recover her composure until he walked closer to her. She realized she was standing in the middle of the sidewalk so she moved closer to the edge.

He stopped about a foot away from her, stared at her face for a moment, and then asked, “Are you not feeling well?”

He could see her clearly now, how she looked when she was young, after recalling so many memories.