The Captain's Dirty Little Secret

Chapter 386: Chapter 386 - I Know My Limit

Roxie’s heart stopped.

Her eyes slowly lifted to Karen.

Karen had gone white. She stood frozen with one hand still in the air, like she had been in the middle of reaching for the tumbler when Roxie took a drink and realized a second too late that she should have stopped her.

Roxie couldn’t move. The taste was still in her mouth, sweet at first from whatever juice Karen had mixed inside, but the alcohol underneath it was there. She knew that taste. She wished for one stupid second that she didn’t because her thoughts were suddenly everywhere, trying to find another explanation even while another part of her had already understood.

Karen knew.

That was why she looked like that.

Roxie’s eyes started to burn. She swallowed and tasted the alcohol again as her fingers tightened around the tumbler.

”What the fuck is this?”

Karen’s eyes dropped to it, still frozen. Then she glanced toward the juniors gathering their bags near the other side of the gym and lowered her voice. ”Roxie, give it back.”

Roxie stared at her. She couldn’t understand why Karen was asking for it back. A few minutes ago, they had been laughing. Karen had been making fun of their senior picture. They had been helping the juniors. Roxie had been sitting there thinking maybe she had spent the last few days worrying for nothing.

And Karen had been drinking the entire fucking time.

Angela looked between them, her smile disappearing. ”What?”

Roxie heard her, but for a second she couldn’t answer. She looked down at the tumbler again like staring at it long enough might somehow change what was inside.

Karen moved closer. ”Rox. Give it to me.”

That snapped something into place.

Roxie looked up. ”There’s alcohol in here.”

Angela’s face changed. ”What?”

Karen reached for the tumbler, but Roxie pulled it against herself before she could touch it. ”Roxie, come on. Lower your voice.”

”You...” Roxie stopped because the words tangled in her throat. She looked around the gym, at the juniors still there, then back at Karen. ”You brought alcohol here?”

Karen’s jaw tightened. ”I said give it back and we’ll talk outside.”

Roxie’s chest tightened so hard that breathing hurt. Friday night came back all at once. Karen unable to stand properly. The pill. Mason staying with her. Roxie staring at a phone screen because she needed to see Karen breathing. She had spent days trying to convince herself that had been one horrible night.

Now Karen was looking at her like the problem was Roxie holding the tumbler.

”You’ve been drinking during practice?”

”I had some. That’s it.”

Roxie blinked. ”What does that even mean?”

Karen looked toward the juniors again. ”Can we please talk somewhere else?”

Roxie’s thoughts were moving too fast now. How much had Karen drunk? How long had she been doing this? Had she been drinking before practice too? Was that why she always had gum lately? Was Roxie really that fucking stupid that Karen had been doing it right beside her and she hadn’t noticed?

Angela stepped closer. ”Karen, is she serious?”

Karen closed her eyes for a second. ”Angela, please.”

Angela went quiet, and Roxie saw the realization settling over her face too.

One of the juniors called from across the gym, ”Bye, captain!”

All three of them turned.

Roxie had no idea what her face looked like. She forced herself to lift one hand anyway. ”Bye. Get home safe.”

Her voice sounded strange even to her. Karen said nothing while Angela barely managed to wave.

Roxie watched the last few juniors walk toward the doors while her grip around the tumbler tightened until her fingers hurt. She couldn’t look at Karen yet because she knew the second they were alone she was going to lose whatever control she still had.

The gym doors finally closed.

Nobody spoke for several seconds.

Then Karen held out her hand. ”Give it back.”

Roxie looked at her and something inside her dropped.

After everything, Karen still wanted the fucking alcohol back.

She grabbed her bag with her free hand. ”Outside.”

Karen stared at her. ”I’m going home.”

”Fine. Outside first.”

”I’m serious, Roxie.”

”So am I.”

Karen let out a breath and rubbed her forehead. ”I really can’t take another fucking interrogation.”

Roxie laughed, but it came out shaky. ”And I really didn’t expect to find alcohol in your tumbler at school. Come on.”

She walked toward the doors before Karen could answer. Angela followed quietly, and after a few seconds Roxie heard Karen coming behind them.

By the time they reached the parking lot, Roxie’s hands were shaking badly enough that she had to grip the tumbler with both hands for a moment. She hated that Karen could probably see it. Most of the students were gone now, with only a few cars left near the faculty side and the three of them standing beside Karen’s car.

Karen held out her hand again. ”Can I have it now?”

Roxie looked down at the tumbler.

Then she unscrewed the lid.

Karen’s face changed. ”Roxie.”

Roxie tipped it over.

The drink splashed onto the pavement.

Karen lunged forward. ”What the fuck are you doing? Roxie, stop!”

Roxie kept pouring until Karen managed to snatch the tumbler from her. There was barely anything left by then.

Karen looked inside it, then at the liquid spreading across the pavement. ”What the fuck is wrong with you?”

”You’re drinking at school!”

”I wasn’t drunk!”

”I don’t fucking care!”

”It was barely anything!”

Roxie stared at her. ”That makes it okay?”

”I knew what I was doing!”

For half a second Roxie froze.

Karen seemed to realize what she had said too.

Roxie almost laughed. ”That’s worse.”

Karen’s face hardened. ”What?”

”You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew we had practice and still brought alcohol.”

”So what?” Karen shoved the tumbler into her bag. ”You still had no right to pour it out.”

Roxie stared at her. ”That’s what you care about?”

”It was mine!”

”You’re drinking at school and you’re pissed because I poured it out?”

”Yes, because you keep grabbing my shit and deciding what I’m allowed to do!”

Roxie went quiet. Her eyes dropped to the pavement where the alcohol darkened the concrete as it spread between the cracks, and for a moment her head felt strangely empty.

”What do you want me to do?” she asked when she finally looked back at Karen. ”Let you?”

Something uncertain crossed Karen’s face before she tightened her mouth. ”I know what I’m fucking doing. You have no right to control me.”

Roxie dragged a hand across her face and almost laughed again because she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ”Control you? Karen, you’re doing dumb shit and every time we say something, suddenly we’re controlling you.”

Angela flinched beside them.

Karen saw the tears starting in her eyes and immediately looked frustrated. ”Please, Angela. Please don’t cry. I can’t take this right now.”

Angela froze.

Roxie turned toward Karen slowly. ”Do you hear yourself?”

Karen pressed her fingers against her eyebrow like her head was hurting. ”Nothing even happened.”

”Stop saying that.”

Karen looked up. ”What?”

”Stop saying nothing happened. You nearly couldn’t stand last week. You took a pill you didn’t even know. Then you went drinking again, called Mason because you were wasted, and now I find alcohol here. Something is happening.”

Karen shook her head. ”I wanted a drink. That’s it.”

”At school?”

”Yes.”

”During practice?”

”Yes, Roxie. I wanted one.”

Roxie stared at her, trying to understand how Karen could say it so easily. ”Why?”

Karen’s eyes flashed. ”What do you mean why?”

”Why did you want it?”

”I don’t know. I just did.”

”That’s what you say every time.”

”Because maybe there isn’t some fucking answer you can pull out of me!”

Roxie opened her mouth to argue again, but the words never came.

Something clicked.

Her eyes moved toward Karen’s bag.

The tumbler was sticking out from the top.

Then Roxie remembered the gum.

The perfume.

The way Karen had been chewing constantly lately. Sometimes one piece after another. The way she sprayed perfume heavily enough that Angela complained one morning that she could taste it. The way Karen always kept that tumbler beside her, even during lunch, even when they moved from one side of the gym to another.

There was another memory too.

Roxie had reached for the tumbler once months ago when her own water was empty.

Karen had snatched it away immediately.

At the time she laughed and told Roxie to get her own.

Roxie had laughed with her.

Her stomach twisted.

”Wait.”

Karen frowned. ”What now?”

Roxie stared at her. ”The gum.”

Karen’s face shifted.

Barely.

But Roxie saw it.

”The fucking gum. The perfume.” Her voice started shaking again as the memories piled up faster than she could arrange them. ”You keep that tumbler with you everywhere. That day I tried drinking from it and you took it from me. You’ve been doing that since...”

Roxie stopped.

No.

A few weeks made no sense.

Karen had been weird about the tumbler much longer than that.

Her eyes widened.

”Have you been drinking here before today?”

Karen rubbed her forehead again. ”Roxie.”

”Have you?”

Karen stayed quiet.

Roxie stepped closer. ”Karen.”

”Sometimes, okay?”

Roxie felt the ground under her shift.

Angela whispered, ”Sometimes?”

Karen immediately straightened. ”Can both of you stop looking at me like that? I said sometimes.”

Roxie couldn’t get the words out properly. ”You... you’ve been bringing alcohol to school?”

”I already answered you.”

”How long?”

”I don’t fucking know.”

”How long, Karen?”

”A while.”

Roxie’s chest tightened. ”What does that mean?”

”I don’t count every fucking time I have a drink.”

Roxie shook her head slowly. ”No. No, bullshit. You’ve been weird about that tumbler since school started.”

Karen’s jaw tightened.

Roxie saw it.

Her hands started shaking worse.

”Oh my God.”

Karen looked away.

”That day I tried drinking from it. There was alcohol in there.”

Karen said nothing.

”There fucking was.”

”Yes!” Karen snapped. ”Fine. There was.”

Angela covered her mouth.

Roxie felt sick.

”How long have you been doing this?”

”I said I don’t fucking know.”

”Months?”

Karen looked away again.

That was enough.

Roxie stared at her like she suddenly didn’t know the girl in front of her. ”You’ve just been coming to school after drinking?”

”I wasn’t drunk.”

”There it is again.”

”Because you keep talking like I’m stumbling through the halls every day! I’m not. I have a drink sometimes. I know my limit.”

Roxie blinked. ”Your limit?”

”Yes, my fucking limit.”

Karen straightened more as she talked, getting angrier with every word. ”I’ve never fallen during practice because I drank. I’ve never messed up a routine. I’ve never failed anything because I drank. My grades are fine. Nobody even knew until you drank from my tumbler.”

Roxie stared at her.

There was almost pride in the way Karen said it.

Like nobody noticing proved she had done it correctly.

”You know exactly how much you can drink before anybody notices.”

”That isn’t what I said.”

”It is.”

”No. I said I know my limit.”

”At school, Karen.”

”Why do you keep saying that like it changes everything?”

”Because it’s fucking school!”

”So? I still do everything I’m supposed to do.”

Angela shook her head, tears slipping down her cheeks. ”Karen, you’re hiding it.”

”I’m not hiding anything.”

”The gum,” Roxie said. ”The perfume.”

Karen laughed angrily. ”Oh my God.”

”You’re hiding the smell.”

”Yeah, because I don’t want teachers smelling alcohol on me. That doesn’t make me some fucking addict.”

Roxie went completely still.

Karen’s face changed when she heard herself.

Angela looked horrified.

The question came out before Roxie even decided to ask it.

”Are you an alcoholic?”