The Captain's Dirty Little Secret

Chapter 373: Chapter 373 - Nothing Bad

Zac came home already irritated.

Roxie could tell from the way he pushed the door closed harder than necessary and tossed his keys onto the table. He had brought food, but instead of making some stupid comment about her waiting for him or complaining that she was still wearing his shirt, he put the bag down and looked straight at her.

”What did you mean?”

Roxie muted the television. ”Hi to you too.”

”Roxie.”

She sighed. ”I told you nothing bad happened.”

”Then why did you text me that we need to talk about college?”

He had probably spent the entire drive home working himself up over those messages. Roxie almost felt bad for the wording again, but she had already decided she was going to tell him everything, so dragging it out would only make it worse.

”Karen sent me a college.”

Zac stared at her. ”What college?”

”Harrington.”

Nothing.

”It’s in New York.”

His expression changed immediately.

”New York?”

Roxie nodded.

Zac stayed by the table, staring at her like he was waiting for the rest.

”Karen and Angela are going there.”

”And?”

”They want me to go with them.”

His jaw tightened. ”Are you fucking serious?”

Roxie frowned. ”I’m telling you because I didn’t want to hide it.”

”You didn’t want to hide what?”

”I looked at the school.”

”You looked at it?”

”Yes.”

”Why?”

Roxie blinked. ”Because Karen sent it to me.”

”That’s not a reason.”

”What do you mean that’s not a reason? She sent me a link. I opened it.”

”Why?”

His tone started getting on her nerves.

”Because I wanted to see it.”

Zac stared at her for another second before looking away and running a hand over his mouth. ”Jesus Christ.”

”What?”

”So what, you’re planning to leave me now?”

Roxie’s irritation jumped immediately. ”What the fuck are you talking about?”

”You’re looking at schools in New York.”

”I looked at one website.”

”After we already talked about Tennessee.”

”I know what we talked about.”

”Apparently you don’t.”

Roxie stood from the couch. ”Can you stop acting like I bought a plane ticket?”

”I thought this was a done deal, Roxie.”

”It is.”

”Then why the fuck did you open Harrington?”

”Because I was curious.”

”About moving to New York without me?”

”That isn’t what I said.”

”But you thought about it.”

Roxie folded her arms. ”For a few hours, yes.”

Zac laughed sharply and turned away.

That pissed her off even more.

”What?”

”There’s something wrong with you.”

Roxie went still. ”Excuse me?”

He turned back toward her. ”You heard me.”

”No, say that again.”

”I said there’s something wrong with you because I seriously don’t understand this. We finally get everything settled and suddenly you’re looking for another fucking option.”

”I wasn’t looking for another option. Karen sent it.”

”And you opened it.”

”Yes, Zac. I opened a website. Call the police.”

”That isn’t the point.”

”Then what is the point?”

”The point is I thought we were done with this shit.”

Roxie’s anger rose fast enough that she forgot every calm thing she had planned to say while waiting for him.

”Done with what shit?”

”This.” Zac gestured between them. ”You acting like you want one thing with me and then suddenly pulling back when it gets real.”

Roxie stared at him.

He was angry enough that he kept going.

”You know what? If you want to get away from me, just fucking say it. Stop doing this shit all over again.”

That hit exactly where it was supposed to.

Roxie’s face went hot.

”Fine.”

Zac frowned.

”You want me to say it? Fine. Let’s break up.”

The anger disappeared from his face so quickly it would have been funny in any other situation.

”What?”

”You heard me.”

”Roxie.”

”You’re the one standing there accusing me of trying to get away from you because I opened a fucking college website, so fine. Let’s break up. Problem solved. Now I can go wherever the fuck I want.”

”Okay, no.”

Zac crossed the space between them immediately.

Roxie stepped back. ”Get away from me.”

”Rox.”

”No. You wanted an answer.”

”I was pissed.”

”So was I.”

”I know. I fucked up.”

He reached for her and Roxie pushed his hand away, but Zac came closer anyway, slower this time.

”I’m sorry.”

”You just told me there’s something wrong with me.”

”I know.”

”And accused me of trying to leave you.”

”I know.”

”Maybe there is something wrong with me because somehow I keep having these conversations with you.”

”Roxie.”

She tried to move around him.

Zac caught her around the waist and pulled her against him.

”Let go.”

”I’m sorry.”

”Zac.”

”I’m sorry.”

His voice had changed completely now.

Roxie stayed stiff against him while his arms tightened around her.

”I shouldn’t have said that.”

”No shit.”

”I know.”

”And stop saying you know.”

”Okay.”

Roxie almost shoved him again just for that.

Zac rested his cheek against the top of her head and held her until some of the anger started draining out of her whether she wanted it to or not.

”I’m stressed,” he said quietly.

”That’s not an excuse.”

”I know it’s not.”

She stayed quiet.

”I saw your message while Dylan was still talking about housing and reporting dates and all this shit they suddenly need from us. Then you tell me we need to talk about college, and I spent the whole drive home thinking you were about to tell me you changed your mind.”

Roxie’s arms were still trapped between them.

”You could have asked.”

”I should have.”

”You came in here already pissed.”

”I know.”

She pulled back enough to look at him. ”You keep saying that.”

”Because I know I fucked up.”

Roxie glared at him, but this time Zac didn’t argue back. He loosened his arms enough that she could leave if she wanted.

She didn’t.

That seemed to calm him slightly.

”I don’t want us fighting about this again,” he said. ”I really don’t.”

”Neither do I.”

”Then tell me what the problem is.”

Roxie looked away.

Zac waited.

She hated that she still didn’t have some clean answer for him.

”I don’t know how to commit to Tennessee when I don’t know what I’m committing to there.”

His eyebrows pulled together.

”That doesn’t mean I’m trying to leave you. I’m not. But you know why you’re going. You know what your days are going to look like. You know what you’re working toward. I keep saying I’ll figure it out when we get there, and sometimes that sounds fine. Then sometimes I think about it and realize I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”

Zac was quiet for a moment.

Then he asked, much calmer, ”So why does that mean you can’t commit to Tennessee?”

Roxie looked at him. ”Because what if I get there and realize there’s nothing for me?”

”There’s you.”

She frowned.

”I mean you can build something there too.”

”That sounds easy when you say it.”

”I’m not saying it’s easy.” Zac rubbed both hands over his face before sitting on the edge of the couch. ”I’m saying you’re acting like you have to know your entire life before we leave.”

Roxie stayed standing in front of him.

”You don’t.”

”I know.”

”No, seriously. You don’t have to pick some major just because graduation is coming. You don’t have to start school in August because I am. You can work for a while. We can look at schools once we’re actually there. We can visit them. You can take classes later. You can change your mind five times if you want.”

Roxie listened.

Zac leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

”If the problem is you think Tennessee means you’re stuck with whatever you choose right now, then stop making it that.”

Roxie frowned slightly.

”You’re making it sound like going with me means you have to show up already knowing who you’re supposed to be.”

”I kind of feel like I should.”

”Why?”

She had no answer.

Zac looked up at her. ”You’re eighteen.”

”So are you.”

”Yeah, and I know football. That’s one thing. I could still get there and realize I hate my classes.”

”You won’t.”

”You don’t know that.”

Roxie sighed.

Zac reached for her hand this time instead of grabbing her. She let him take it.

”I want you there.”

His thumb moved against her fingers.

”I’m not pretending I don’t. I want you in Tennessee with me so fucking bad that apparently I lose my mind when you mention New York.”

Roxie gave him a look.

”That was supposed to be an apology.”

”It needs work.”

”I’m trying.”

She finally sat beside him.

Zac turned toward her. ”But I also don’t want you spending the next four years thinking you only went because of me.”

Roxie looked down at their hands.

”I already closed Harrington.”

Zac went quiet.

”I talked to Karen and Angela before you came home.”

”And?”

”And I thought about actually going to New York.”

His hand tightened slightly around hers.

Roxie noticed.

”I hated it.”

He looked at her.

”I kept thinking about you here and me there. Then you leaving for Tennessee and me going the other direction, and I couldn’t fucking stand it.”

Zac didn’t say anything.

Roxie looked at him properly.

”I want to go with you.”

Some of the tension left his face, but he still watched her carefully.

”To Tennessee.”

”Yes.”

”You sure?”

”Yes.”

”Because I’m not asking you to say it because I got pissed.”

”I know.”

”And I’m not asking you to give something up.”

”Zac.”

”I’m serious.”

”So am I.” Roxie shifted closer. ”I want to go with you. I just need you to understand that I’m still scared because I don’t know what I’m doing once I get there.”

”That I can deal with.”

She raised an eyebrow. ”You can?”

”Yeah.”

”How?”

”We stop pretending you have to figure everything out before graduation.”

Roxie looked at him.

”You come with me. We get the apartment. You settle in. If you want to work, work. If you want school, we start looking seriously. If you want to sit around for a month and annoy me while I’m dying at conditioning, apparently I’ll survive that too.”

Roxie smiled despite herself. ”That sounds appealing.”

”I figured.”

”And if I hate Tennessee?”

Zac hesitated.

Roxie immediately noticed.

”What?”

”I was about to say we’d figure it out.”

She groaned. ”That phrase is becoming useless.”

Zac laughed softly for the first time since coming home.

”Okay. If you hate it, tell me. Then we talk about what comes next instead of you secretly browsing New York while wearing my shirt.”

”I wasn’t secretly browsing.”

”You were literally alone in my shirt browsing.”

”You were at Dylan’s.”

”That somehow makes it worse.”

Roxie leaned into him and finally let herself laugh.

Zac wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his side.

After a moment he kissed her temple.

”So we’re still together?”

Roxie looked up at him. ”Unfortunately.”

Roxie let him sit with it for another few seconds before resting her head against his shoulder.

”Tennessee,” she said.

Zac looked down at her.

”I’m going with you.”

His arm tightened around her.

This time he didn’t ask again.