Rising Shards

As our chat turned a bit more potentially embarrassing, I had to resist the urge to just chuck my phone away, hide under my blanket, and profusely apologize to Zeta for dragging her into this. I realized that was silly, she was clearly just as game for this as I was. We’d been dating for a while, why was I getting so flustered here? Maybe it was just a lot of pent-up feelings finally coming to light, telling the object of my affections about the affections rather than jotting them in a diary.

”OK, your turn,” Zeta said. ”If your ’in general’ first time story is bad Tesata time no worries at all if you don’t want to send it.”

I didn’t have some big story for when I started to figure out my body and the whole intimacy deal. I strangely wished I did though, some bizarre story that’d make Zeta giggle to make the awkwardness a bit easier to navigate.

”I think similar to yours, it just kinda happened one day,” I said. ”And since Tesata didn’t teach me anything except how to hate myself, that reaction was something I had to unlearn that I’m still unlearning. The idea that pleasure isn’t good for us, when it’s just like, a thing we can do. Am I making sense there?”

”I get it!”

”And...the first time I did it thinking about you was pretty early on, a bit before that time you walked out of the shower and I caught a glimpse,” I said.

”Before, huh? ;)”

”Yeah...I couldn’t stop thinking about what you’d look like naked,”

”I wouldve never guessed,” Zeta said. ”I really didnt know how into me you were.”

”Same here! Turns out we were both wayyyy into each other right from the start, heh...”

”And now that you’ve seen the real thing, how does it compare to the one you couldn’t stop thinking about?” Zeta asked.

”So so so amazingly better in person,” I said. ”I can’t wait to see you again.”

”I don’t think you’ll have to wait long,” Zeta said. That gave me a physical reaction that had me expecting to accidentally conjure up petals again like the times I got so into Zeta my plant conjuring went out of whack. ”But I imagine you have some more questions first.”

”Yeah! I do!” I sent.

”Don’t wanna rush out of this texting convo after we talked about it forever.”

I was glad she said it and that we were both on the same page because I would’ve felt bad, thinking I was dousing our growing flames of excitement with a water bucket because we had a lot to talk about.

”So, erm...what other questions do you have about this particular subject?” Zeta asked.

”I have one coming to mind, but you can absolutely veto this one if it’s too much,” I said.

Right after I sent that, the track playing on my little speaker ended, and there was a moment before the next song started where everything went silent. We blushed, eyes meeting. Zeta’s smile entranced me as always, her hitting me with that soft, open mouth smile she’d do when she was so focused on something that the rest of the world didn’t matter. Just before the next song started on my playlist, Zeta tapped a message back.

”For you I’ll answer anything,”

”OK, but seriously, if this one’s too intrusive...” I wondered if it was too much, it might be.

”Maybe tell me what it’s about first before you ask?”

”Potentially a question about...trans stuff.” I said.

”Oh! Yes, definitely!”

”Definitely yes ask this or definitely no don’t?”

”Definitely yes, I’d love to talk transgender business with my girlfriend :> ”

”Alright, alright...but again if it’s too much just say so, I won’t be mad!”

”You’re fine, Oka :3”

”Was the touching business better before or after the pill? Or which do you prefer?”

Zeta didn’t recoil or anything, she just started typing right away.

”I’d say...different? I wasn’t really that...erm, ”active” with the old arrangement, I guess. Now I’m...definitely active. I like the current arrangement a lot more, so to speak. It wasn’t bad before, obviously, but it’s more of a full body experience now, I guess? Or like. The feeling is all…full? Am I making any sense?”

”Ohhh, I see, and yes you are!” I said, blushing intensely, my fingers almost locking up. We were really talking about this, all the times I rehearsed what I’d say in my head not helping me at the moment. The time I spent daydreaming about Zeta’s sensual side was now colliding with real knowledge of her actually being sensual. It was strange, and I felt a strange twinge of guilt about this, like I shouldn’t even be talking about it with her. I chalked that up to that Tesata self-loathing in regards to pleasure and did my best to toss it aside. ”Do you ever...um...miss it?”

”Not really. I mean with the shapeshifting (AKA the coolest part of being a Cani!) to me it’s more like I just became who I was supposed to be physically rather than something being gone. If that makes sense. I keep saying that, huh? Frick this is kinda weird to talk about! Not bad though dont worry.”

”OK, i’m gonna worry though.” If I made Zeta uncomfortable talking about her transition I’d feel self-loathing greater than I did when I first started exploring myself at Tesata.

”Well, you shouldn’t. I want to talk about it with you. Just because it’s weird and new doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

”That’s true...” I said. ”But seriously tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable at all. And also, just wanna say, even if you didn’t get the pills, and even if you weren’t a Cani, you’re still a gorgeous girl, because the dance was before the pills right?”

”It was ya”

”And you were just as radiant and beautiful and lovely and feminine and gorgeous then. So there.”

”I guess that’s that huh!” Zeta sent that, but right after she did she ducked to the left, I caught her smiling and blushing before she buried her face in her hands. She sat back up, sighing contently. ”Wow, that felt good to read. But OK, wait, I’m more feminine now, right?”

”You are, just! You looked lovely and girlie at the dance is what I mean.”

”Hehehe, OK OK,” Zeta’s beaming smile made this weirdness, this exploration of something I struggled to put into words, all a bit easier. ”Obvious bit aside, what do you think looks the most different about me now compared to then?”

”I think your hair is a bit shinier and fuller,” I said.

”My hair does seem to get better the longer I’m on the pills,” Zeta said. ”But that’s it? Again aside from the big change, of course.”

”Well, your boobs are definitely bigger.”

”That’s what I was angling for,” Zeta said. ”They’re not huge or anything, though.”

”They’re perfect the way they are!” I said.

”Hehehehe. Yours are too, you know,” Zeta said.

I never really thought of my own body being anything special. At the beach trip it surprised me that Zeta found me attractive, because when I looked in a mirror, I just saw a body. Something not really bad, not really great. As neutral as a cloudy day.

”You think? Do you think about em a lot?”

”yes and yes” Zeta sent back with a quickness faster than her own lightning bolts.

”I think that’s the fastest you’ve ever responded to a text.”

”Well! I mean it!” Zeta said. ”We having a boob talk now? Because I could go in depth here ya know.”

”Could you now?” We were both still laughing, but the excitement grew between us, too. ”I think I’d like to have that talk next, yeah.”