My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1855: Chapter 1649: Voluntary

Nobody willingly becomes fallen, nobody wants to become the person they despise most!

Do you think I chose this? There are so many things I can’t control at all. My inner feelings—do you really think I don’t want to forget you? But do you know how difficult that is? Have you thought about it? I forgot—after all these years, I haven’t been able to erase you from my memory. How could I possibly make such a small thing a reality in such a short time now?

You people only know how to make things difficult for others, never considering other’s feelings, never knowing what someone truly wants. You just throw everything at them, leaving them to silently bear all the pressure of things they don’t like.

Everyone has their own feelings. Why do you all consider only your own feelings and never mine? I truly have no choice. All these years, I haven’t been able to forget you, so how could you forget so quickly?

”Zhihan, why can you not see others in your eyes at all? Why can you only see your husband now, see everyone but never me? Am I so worthless, so insignificant in your eyes that I don’t even deserve a glance?

I envy you because I understand that wherever you go, at least your husband truly loves you. He would do anything for you. But what about me? I’m stuck here, unable to ever leave, not even able to get a single glance from you. You’re relieved now, but you don’t understand what kind of training we will face next, what kind of torment.

If standing here now was your husband, not me, how would you treat him then? Would you still ignore him like you do me? Sometimes I even mock myself, why be so foolish to wait all these years, only to be looked down upon by others? Why give all my youth to an unrelated woman, who has long been entwined with someone else while I can only stand afar, feeling the gut-wrenching agony of wanting but being unable to reach?”

I don’t understand how your husband views the relationship between us now, but I know those views definitely won’t be pleasant. Since you’ve connected with me, he won’t let you off so easily. As a man, his possessiveness must be strong, don’t you understand?”

”Chen Gang, no matter how well you sugarcoat this, how you paint it, I won’t believe you. Stop clinging to me, give me a chance to escape, let me gain the ability to save myself. Stop circling me repeatedly, stop speaking to me in such a tone. There’s really no need for this—we can’t go back to what it used to be. The past is gone, no matter how strong our feelings were back then, there’s nothing now.

The most I can see you as is a classmate, no other feelings. Whether you accept it or not, I don’t care anymore. Since I’ve made this decision, it means I’m committed. Don’t bother thinking of any way to communicate, discuss, or find new ways to threaten or manipulate me!

I am not a saint, nor can I accept someone using me. All I want is a stable life, not making our relationship so passive and humiliating. Give each other a way out, let everyone experience this feeling. I know no matter what you say now, I can’t hear it. Don’t waste your breath—think carefully about how to maintain our current relationship without becoming passive.

Stop using past events and thoughts as chains shackling us. Even so, our chain is already broken, and it’s impossible to mend past events as if they never happened. The gap between us is too vast. My education isn’t as high as yours, I haven’t done as much as you. I hope my association won’t make you look bad. Even if you think it’s nothing, it’s different for me. I can’t owe you anything, understand?”

”Zhihan, I know saying anything now is useless, but I still hope you understand. There’s nothing wrong with what I’ve done for you. I don’t care how you view me inside, I just want you to know that some things, once lost, can’t return to their original state. As you said, no matter how I hold on for you, wait painstakingly, you won’t change your mind. Our past is irretrievable, and the gap between us is already more than just a little. You’re no longer in my heart and eyes, what can I do? Do I knock you out and take you home, keeping you by my side for life? That’s unrealistic!

Sometimes I know doing this makes us passive, makes our relationship awkward and embarrassing, but I still can’t help doing it. It’s so I can see you anytime. I’d pay any price, but you just don’t understand why I’d make such a sacrifice. To you, all this may mean nothing, but to me, it’s too important.

I’ve decided to forgo overseas pursuits, everything for you, because no matter what I do, I won’t get any return from you. You think I’m pestering you. I don’t get gratitude, but rather give you a reason to doubt me. Why do I demean myself like this? I’m a man with dignity. I can forsake everything for my dignity, but you?

You can’t—I was willing to give up my dignity for you. In the end, I realized, I can’t give up my most precious pride for anyone. If I don’t have you, I can still have self-respect. If I lose even that, I truly own nothing in this world...”

Everything you say, I know, but I’ve never voiced it, because I’m not sure if saying it would change anything!