My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1708: Chapter 1502: Life

The most beautiful life is not about how much wealth I possess, but about having my family by my side!

Old Master Zhang heard Xia Jing say this, and now he has absolutely no way to describe what kind of image his daughter-in-law is now. He only knows that his daughter-in-law has completely lost her mind, no matter what anyone says, she won’t listen.

”Child, I know that now no matter what I say, you won’t listen, but I also hope you can understand. Everyone has their own responsibilities, and the greater the responsibility, the more they carry. Don’t you know what you should do now? Living so lost and disheartened, would he be happy seeing this? Perhaps you don’t realize that nobody wants to see you suffer like this. We are all your loving family. Even if you lose the whole world, you still have us!”

”From the day I lost him, I lost the entire world, what difference does it make with you all? What you bring to me is never what he brought me. No matter how forced my smiles are with you, my heart is always longing for him. Nostalgia is a pain that breathes, and I am gasping in pain over and over again.

Actually, I am not a Saint. I just want to live happily, and I just want to give the people who love me a happy and stable life. But I really have no way to understand. I know I once made countless mistakes, I’ve suffered so many blows in this lifetime. I know there’s no way to make up for all of this in this life. How can I mend a wounded heart when I hurt the person who loves me the most? I will never be able to forgive myself!

Every one of you has been through such pain, so why can’t you understand my feelings at this moment? How desperate I am, how resentful I am. If originally my actions hadn’t been excessive, how could he have left me? Over and over again, I regret, making me unable to forgive myself in this life. I am moaning in pain. I only know this is how my life will be; I live barely hanging on. I’m not living for anything else, but for the day when I can once again meet him in the vast sea of people. On that day, he will have married and had children, but as long as I can see him from a distance, as long as I see him happy, I can lose everything. I’ve truly understood my mistakes. I don’t know how I can make everything beautiful like before after losing him and the entire world, remembering the pain I once brought him, I am like a beast...”

”Mom, I hope none of us bring this up again in the future. Since we’ve chosen this life, let things be as they are. Why dwell on past events? Do you know how upsetting it would be for Father if he knew? He would give up me, his son, give up Grandpa, forsake the entire family and even the family’s century-long reputation just to be with you. Are you truly blind to his sacrifices? I believe you are not a cold-hearted person; you’re not the type that ignores the big picture for selfish desires!”

”Since you’re not that kind of person, why disguise yourself as that person, letting everyone misunderstand you? Is there any point in that? Living this way will make you suffer others’ slander, but you are truly kind-hearted. To fulfill someone who loves you, you would rather give up your lifelong happiness, you’re the most foolish woman in the world. As a child, I have no right to speak to my mother this way, but Mom, everyone in the world is living, everyone is bearing the responsibilities of their past efforts. I don’t know how to persuade you. I know how painful your heart is, but I hope you can consider each family member. If you continue weighing down the mood, no one will feel good seeing it. And if Father sees it, he will only worry more, and I fear he might act impulsively when he sees it. You don’t want to see him get hurt, do you? Throughout these years, you have feelings for him. Even if it’s not love, after so many years of companionship, there are feelings!”

”You are wrong. I have no feelings for him all these years. Despite accompanying him, I only have familial affection for him. I have always treated him as an older brother, never as a lover. I have no way to consider him as the one I love the most because the person I loved the most left due to my actions. I can only live in regret for my entire life. How could I easily fall in love with someone else? I once said, if my relationship with him failed, I would never easily fall in love again. Perhaps in this lifetime, I am destined to barely exist, living with this obsession. My mission is only to one day meet him!

Perhaps you all consider my actions foolish, but do you know? This is how a person shows their love for another person. I love him too deeply, only realizing how deep I was in it when he left me. I have no way to remedy it, no way to explain to him. I just know that in this life, she will never want to see me again. But I really miss her so much. For her, I have tried my utmost to make up for all the mistakes I made, but in the end, all I gained was others’ ridiculing reproach. I have no way, repeatedly, hoping for heaven to give me a chance, to amend every mistake I ever made, even if it meant sacrificing my life. But ultimately I have no way; heaven gave me one opportunity, and that is to barely hang on, watching my beloved leave me over and over, getting farther and farther away. While I can only stand and silently cry, unable to change this result, it is heaven’s best revenge on me!

Perhaps someone like me is meant to bear such a burden, to never have any happiness in life, to live in pain all my life, to always struggle in the dark abyss and never escape, destined to wait in solitude for a lifetime!”

I never realized how far away my love for you is!