My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1705: Chapter 1499: Fool?

”So all along, you thought I chose to be with you for money. You don’t really understand me. What I truly desire isn’t like that at all. I just wanted to live with the man I love the most. At the moment I reach my goals and marry the man I love, I feel content with my life!

But to you, these things might seem insignificant, but for me, they are monumental. I can endure you disregarding me time and again, I can endure your suspicions, I can endure you being absent whenever I need you. But I cannot endure you wrongly accusing me over and over, refusing to grant me even the most basic trust.

Over the years, in the eyes of others, our marriage seems affectionate, but in reality, how have you treated me? Don’t you have any sense of it yourself? No matter how I try to please you, you’re always dismissive, just smiling at me casually. Do you know how much that hurts me sometimes? I feel like a failure. Why does treating the one I love sincerely end up this way? Why does the person I love sincerely never say he loves me back?

I can’t distinguish between truth and lies anymore, but I really don’t ask for much. I’m begging you, don’t repeatedly strip away my right to happiness. I just want to be with you. For you, I’ve changed so much, yet in the end, I realize that no matter what, I can never be good enough for you. Yet you’re always a bit above me because your education is different from mine, your background is different from mine, everything about you is different. Our views on life, values, ideals are all different. But do you know? It’s precisely because of these differences that I follow your lead, adapting my worldview to mimic yours. Your values differ from mine, and I adjust to yours.

Do these things really matter so little to you? Do you think I deserve to be treated this way, that you were born to be placed on a pedestal while I, as your wife, must remain beneath your feet, never to rise?

Yichen, I have no way of knowing what you truly think of us now. Your coldness towards me almost drives me to collapse at times. I don’t know what to do or how to face you. Although many things aren’t my fault, for the sake of your so-called dignity, to make you happy, I choose to keep apologizing. But in the end, I find that no matter how weak I appear, you never care about my feelings. Why are my desires so hard to fulfill?

When I ask you questions repeatedly, you always evade them. When we encounter problems, I want to clarify everything thoroughly. Yet you choose to wrong me without clear evidence. Do you really trust me? In your heart, do you see me as family? On the day you confessed to me, during those years when you treated me genuinely, I considered you my family. But you have seen me as a tool for your use.”

”I never regarded you as a tool. I just wanted you to stay at home safely and not wander off. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but because of your past mistakes, I find it hard to trust. I’m scared, scared that past events may replay. I can’t bear that kind of hurt again. Why, after all the times you’ve hurt me, can you now understand what not being trusted feels like?”

”When I was with you, I wholeheartedly shared my truths with you, my trust was complete. I’ve never doubted you, but you have never trusted me. Perhaps you think I’m despicable, always following your lead. Why must I take all the blame for your happiness even when it’s not my fault?

I’ve pondered over this repeatedly and couldn’t find a fitting conclusion. Finally, I realized I do all this simply because I love you. But in the end, this is what I get. Do you truly know me? You think I was with you for Xiao Jing, wealth, and glory. In this world with so many rich people, others can give me complete trust, so why did I choose to be with you? Because I believe that someday I can warm that heart of yours that has grown cold because of me.”

”I remember you once said your heart was dead, that it would never love again. Yet you still ended up with me. I don’t know if you’re with me to torment me or to use me?

Why treat me this way? Why not allow me a life of peace? Why constantly distrust me, repeatedly doubting me? To you, it may mean nothing, but for me, it’s a fatal pain...”

”Zhihan, some things are in the past. Let’s not talk about them again. You’re living a steady life now, isn’t that good enough? Why go and provoke those people from your past? You know they mean no good, so why do you still do it? You’re clearly testing my patience.

My patience has its limits. I cannot indefinitely accommodate and love you unconditionally. I just want you to be well, like with you genuinely together with me, with no one else in your heart. But can you do that? If you can, then I could give up everything!”

”It’s too late for you to say this now. You’ve wronged me without discernment, and you haven’t even apologized. Why should I forgive you?

Honestly, I really want to ask, what gives you the right to wrong me undistinguishingly? How do you see me in your heart? Why, when you’ve done wrong, why can you not even offer an apology to the wronged person? Do you think you’re beyond reproach because you have money?”

Is it really that difficult for what’s lost to return? What you have should be tightly held in your hands!