My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1492: Chapter 1286: Eyes Red from Crying

Thinking back to when I cried my eyes red because of your heartlessness, how foolish and naive I was back then. I thought my tears could change everything. However, the truth was that I realized everything was just too simple in my mind, and no one would really care about your thoughts.

On that rainy night, you told me you wanted to break up and you said goodbye. Your callous steps didn’t pause for a moment. I watched you disappear hastily, overshadowing my sight, while my tears entwined with the rain.

”In all the years I’ve been with you, I’ve never regretted any of the things I’ve done for you. On the contrary, I’m grateful for the opportunity to give so much for you. Although I know that the person in your heart isn’t me, my inner desire is still to be with you. No matter how harshly you’ve treated me or how my love for you has never disappeared, maybe you’ll find me naive, stupid, and foolish. Do you know that this is how I express love for someone? I love you enough not to mind. The past can pass us by as long as you can stay by my side. Only if you can join me in building our world together, the past doesn’t matter to me at all. But now, what I truly want is your most genuine thoughts. What’s in your heart? Can you completely and truthfully tell me?

Please don’t deceive me with lies like before. It doesn’t benefit you in any way, and it will only hurt me over and over again in my truest feelings for you, won’t it? You’ve hurt me once, are you going to hurt me a second time? If I were you, I’d feel uneasy, too. I love you so much, don’t you have any feelings in your heart at all? I’m willing to do whatever it takes for you. My father worked hard to raise me hoping I could live without worry, with clothes and food provided, to stay by his side and be filial. But for the sake of my marriage, for you, I chose to abandon him. I chose to abandon the best marriage proposal he arranged for me. All those suitable matches I don’t want, because in my eyes, there’s only you. As long as I’m with you, nothing else matters to me. I don’t care at all!

Please reflect on whether you really have no feelings for me? After loving you so much all these years, do you really not know? No one has a heart of stone, right? You’re not an iceberg, either. Your heart should have been slightly moved by my actions, right? Have you really never thought about being truly together with me all these years? Never thought about staying calmly by my side and spending a lifetime with me? If you say no, I won’t believe it. I can see through your every gaze, your every move. Every word you speak, I know what it means. But after knowing you so well all these years, I’ve chosen to say nothing, because I left myself a way out!

Don’t ask me if it’s worth it or not. I’ve been with you for so many years, and I’ve never regretted it. I’ve given up so much for you, even my family, and I don’t regret it. At least I got you. Though I’ve never had your heart, at least I have you, and that’s more than enough for me. I’m not insatiable. As long as I have you, I’m satisfied. However, human greed grows over time. After I got you, I’ve always thought I had your heart. But today, I realized your heart was never with me, and inevitably, there’s a sense of loss in my heart. I want to be present in your heart, but I found out that no matter what, I can’t compete with her, because your deep-rooted love for her remains. I’m nothing more than an obstacle in between that you can remove at any time. Because all you want is to stay by her side, whatever she ultimately chooses to do to you, you can gladly accept it, right?”

Xia Jing nodded, sighed, and said to her husband, ”You’re right. Even when I was with him, there were times I cried for him, but those tears were of happiness. Back then, I was wrapped in tears of joy. I felt very happy being with him, but I never thought that one day he would leave me. Such pain, I never want to experience again in this lifetime. All these years, my heart has always missed him, no matter where he is in this vast world. It’s never fair to you. You’ve given me so much, but in the end, I couldn’t give you the love you wanted!

There are some things I really can’t decide for myself. Every decision a person makes comes with a corresponding cost. I’ve given so much in the past, even not caring for my own life for him. You’ve also sacrificed a lot for me, and I see it all in my eyes!

But now you know all the thoughts in my heart, you know my heart doesn’t love you. So, I want to ask you, do you still think everything you did for me was worth it? Am I worth it for you to do so? Do you really not regret it at all? You’ve sacrificed so much for me, but in the end, I chose you, bringing such injury time and time again. Do you really think being with me is worth it? Am I truly worth you giving up all riches and splendor for me?”

”In this world, there’s no such thing as ’worth it’ or ’not worth it.’ If everything is measured by whether it’s worth it, then what meaning is there in living here? If we actually measure everything by worth, do you think we would be happy together? Back then, each of us would only be focused on whether what we did was worth it, without considering whether it was something we should do.

I’ve already said that for everything I did for you, I never regretted it. I also hope you don’t ask me about certain things anymore. They’re not decided by whether they’re worth it, or measured by willingness. Your place in my heart can’t be measured, just like his place in your heart fills your entire being. You should understand that feeling. No matter what decision you make in the future, I won’t give up on you. Even if staying by my side is just an empty shell, just a zombie, I’m willing to pay any price for you!”

”You truly are foolish, sacrificing so much for a woman who isn’t worth it. I’ve never seen another fool like you in this world. Maybe what you did was correct, maybe it’s the greatest pain you’ll face in your life. I can only say you’re too foolish, too foolish, to the point that I have no words to describe you!”

I always thought that a heartless ending shattered the past beauty, and back then I was too foolish, too foolish.

I once had my heart broken because of your affection. Standing in the rain, I don’t understand. I don’t understand the eternal vastness of life, nor why I cried, reddening my eyes because of you.