My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1465: Chapter 1259: Refusing to Believe

I remember once telling you so thoroughly, and I also understand that your clothes were washed clean and dried in the sunlight at that time, just like the memories between us.

I also know that after crossing the sad tomorrow, we can only go out with happiness, making this city of love a bit crowded, but if I really meet you, I will always be very happy.

”Child, no matter how you persuade me, I don’t think any decision I’ve made is wrong; I believe every decision I make is correct.

Although I don’t understand what exactly caused you to misjudge me at the time, do you know that all these years after leaving you, I was truly in pain deep inside, never once happy.

In your heart, the mistakes I’ve made will never have a chance to be corrected because you never believed in me. No matter what mistakes I made in the past, maybe the harm caused to you was too great, leaving a huge shadow within you, making it impossible for you to ever trust me as your father. But do you know what? Over the years, I’ve truly regretted my actions; I regretted abandoning you. I’m not a heartless person, immune to feelings. I can’t understand the harm my past mistakes inflicted on you, and I also hope you can forget the past, look to the future, and live happily. But do you know that when I hear every word you say to me, I know it’s impossible; you’ll never let go of the past, and your heart will always be filled with sorrow. You will only see pain.”

”You’re right, deep down I do have a strong rejection of you, but do you know that all those rejections were given to me by you. Is it not enough that I was abandoned by you time and again? To what extent do you plan to hurt me? You are my father, and this is a fact that I can’t escape. We share the same blood, but do you understand, half of the blood in my body is also from my mother, not solely yours.

Every word you say and every action you take towards me, do you really think it’s so easy to forget? You see yourself as a saint, but I can’t. I have no way to forget all the pain you have caused me. You can choose not to care, but I can’t. Do you realize when all the pressure mounts on your head, suffocating you, and you can only express your inner emotions by avoiding them, yet you can’t show them in front of your family, because you don’t want them to worry about you? Do you know that every time you cause me distress, all I desire is a steady embrace to comfort me, but you never gave me that.

Time and time again, when I needed you the most, you chose to abandon me and leave. When I didn’t need you, when I had my own achievements stable, becoming the focus of the world, you chose to come back. I don’t know how long this ending can be sustained, nor do I know how long I should maintain this mindset. I’m not a saint, and I can’t forgive myself time and again, nor can I live my life without restraints, forgiving you repeatedly. I have my own family, my own thoughts, and my own judgment. I can’t give up my principles time and again for you.

There was a time I thought about giving up my principles, forgiving you wholeheartedly, and living well with you, but what did I ultimately gain? Your deception. During that time, I almost collapsed. I don’t understand what kind of reason could make you treat me so heartlessly.

Everyone thinks my parents are not at fault and that I should forgive them, but who really considered it from my perspective? Who knows how hard my life has been? I repeatedly find myself living a life I despise. I just want a slightly easier life, but what have I received in return? Being abandoned by my family, betrayed by them, and continuously sold out by friends. The only thing I’ve gained is harm from others. Even if I exchange my sincerity for others’, I never get genuine treatment in return. All I receive are continuous lies. Is it truly that I deserve this fate?

I don’t believe all my efforts are just past clouds in your eyes, nor do I believe that my efforts are so insignificant. I’m not a saint. I can’t ensure I won’t be hurt by anyone in this life, living a happy life. It’s impossible. When I’m hurt, how can I stupidly laugh, thinking everything others do is right and for my good?

Perhaps you think I’m silly, naive, and easy to deceive, but after being exposed time and again, I won’t let myself be foolishly used by others. All my actions are for a happier, lighter life. I don’t wish for everyone’s help, pity, or sympathy. I hate it so much when I’ve obviously had companionship, and when others ask for forgiveness, you try your best to forgive them.

Don’t you understand that when you come close in Shanghai, I repeatedly think over my decisions, finding it hard to believe I would make such choices myself? I’ve given you all my sincerity, but what do I get in return? What I’ve received time and again is your harm. Even if you give me the best hurt, I still choose to forgive you because you’re my parents. But you never change, taking advantage time and again, hurting me. Hurting me has become an amusement for you, but do you know that your harm caused a wound I may never forget for a lifetime? That kind of pain is eternal and unforgettable. Sometimes I think my actions are indeed excessive. I shouldn’t naively forgive others like that. Being kind to others is being cruel to oneself. But even when hurt by you repeatedly, I still wholeheartedly forgive you. That moment meant failure; it proved I’m no longer fit to be the strongest in the world!”

Only after leaving did I realize the storms between her and me were unavoidable. I must make myself believe in the most sincere feelings between us.