The Trash Returned from Warhammer

Shinji had unintentionally achieved an impressive feat: he had linked Gendo Ikari—a man known for being meticulous and one of the most intelligent villains—with the MADAO from another world. But thinking about it carefully, ever since Shinji arrived at Tokyo-3, Gendo had indeed been quite pathetic.

Abandoned by all, he had become a commander in name only. Every day, he had to grit his teeth and play the part of a workhorse, covering up the truth for Shinji. Any semblance of paternal authority was long gone; after being hoisted up [by Shinji], he didn’t even have a single forceful counterattack in him. And now, his Achilles’ heel had been seized by Shinji, forcing him to act as an errand boy.

”Sometimes, I feel Commander Ikari is quite pitiable.”

Rei Ayanami spoke up suddenly. She could barely remember what Gendo was like in the beginning.

When she first woke up and met that man, she had felt a sense of closeness, mixed with awe. He was like a puppet master hiding behind the scenes, using his wisdom to manipulate the fate of the world.

But now, he had almost become a MADAO, struggling in vain, unable to escape the palm of Shinji’s hand.

”He deserves it.”

Shinji felt no psychological burden. An Astartes is not a shallow person, but how to put it—every time he saw Gendo’s frustrated expression, it felt great. It was a pleasure welling up from the depths of his soul, as if countless versions of Shinji Ikari from infinite timelines were cheering and leaping with joy.

”I always feel your attitude toward the Commander is somewhat twisted.”

”Can’t help it. I don’t know where this grudge comes from. Logically, I’ve forgotten most things from my childhood. Since arriving in Tokyo-3, I’ve had him under my thumb; there’s no personal vendetta.”

Shinji didn’t know where this pleasure came from either. He could only inwardly sigh that he was still only a hundred-something years old and far from mature.

Still, pleasure is pleasure. Even the negative emotions that had piled up lately were swept away. He thought to himself that if he had negative emotions in the future, he’d just find Gendo for a little heart-to-heart.

”Where did Asuka run off to?”

”She went to the gym to get a membership. She said she’s going to work out every day after school.”

”Mm, that’s aimed at you.”

Shinji stepped onto the elevator and pressed the up button, watching Rei’s face fill with confidence. ”Don’t be too arrogant. Although Asuka is loud and brash, her fighting spirit is commendable. Also, the duel isn’t a death match; it’s just to decide a winner, not life or death.”

”Please rest assured, I am confident.”

Both fell silent, hearing only the whirring of the motor. Rei kept stealing glances at the boy in front of her. Once upon a time, staying with him meant enduring this suffocating silence, but now, Rei found she was no longer used to it.

Actually, she had discovered something off: Shinji’s view on romance was completely different from the new anime she watched. In those shows, the protagonist was either too dense or played the fool like a total loser. Even when the heroines fought over him, they would mostly say things like, ”I arrived first!” or ”You don’t understand my heart at all.”

Oh, excluding the ”slasher” anime—that show had been collectively sealed away by the class president and the others. Besides, Shinji wasn’t like that ”Makoto-kun” character, flirting with every girl he met.

He understood everything, and he never dodged responsibility. He simply provided the most equal, most fair path, and then, as the strongest among them, he arbitrated everything.

But why did the class president and the others react so strongly? When she consulted them for ideas, their eyes had nearly popped out of their heads, calling this method ”retro.”

Rei didn’t understand, but she knew this was Shinji’s command, consistent with the most sacred rites of the Astartes.

’There can only be another powerhouse beside the strong. A duel is the fairest way to determine who is stronger...’

Her crimson eyes gleamed with light. She now couldn’t wait for Asuka to challenge her, so that Asuka would stop thinking about ”sneaking a head start” all day long. A despicable, cowardly person was not fit to be by Shinji’s side.

Ding.

The elevator doors opened. Shinji, walking ahead, didn’t know that Rei had already completed her self-indoctrination, becoming a loyal devotee of his non-Earthling ideology. Then again, Rei wasn’t exactly an Earthling to begin with.

”What’s next? Do you have to go back to rehearse?”

”Does Ikari-kun have nothing to do?”

”Everything is arranged, and I’m in a pretty good mood.”

”Then, how about coming to my place? I used last month’s subsidy to set up a whole new audiovisual system. Can I invite you to watch with me?”

This...

Shinji turned back. He suddenly felt that the current Rei was enjoying life a bit too much, living a more colorful life than he did. Come to think of it, he hadn’t visited Rei’s place for a while.

”Fine.”

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Huff, huff... ouch, ouch, ouch.

Asuka leaned against the wall, grimacing as she walked. She hadn’t encountered any attacks; she had just worked out her legs too hard today, to the point where they were trembling.

’I must have lost my mind. Why did I accept the ideas of a non-Earthling?’

She felt remorseful, but simultaneously held a twisted thought: everyone else hadn’t objected, and if she defied it, she would lose before the battle even began. Anyway, Asuka had started working hard lately, and although she wouldn’t admit it, she noticed Shinji lectured her much less.

’Working out is the right move. After all, with that idiot Rei’s thinking, as long as I agree, she definitely won’t sneak a head start. In any case, it counts as a feint. Yeah, that’s it. I’ll feign agreement, and when she drops her guard, I’ll sneak ahead.

Heh heh heh, you’re not good enough to play mind games with me. No, wait—that idiot is just stubborn.’

Asuka chuckled smugly. She was much more flexible than that dull-witted Rei. Since she started exercising, the frequency of that ”ghost” suddenly appearing had decreased; it was obvious she had been tricked.

’That’s good. I’ll trick her for a few more days, and then I can execute the next step of the plan. I must win thoroughly and take my revenge!’

Asuka gritted her teeth. Because Rei followed her like a shadow, she was nearly getting psychological trauma.

She remembered being home alone with Shinji a few days ago. Forget doing anything—she had checked her surroundings every five seconds, terrified Rei would pop out from somewhere. In the end, she had wasted her time, and Shinji, confused, had told her to go see Dr. Akagi for some medicine.

’Being that nervous makes it impossible to sneak anything! I have to sleep with one eye open now!’

Asuka opened her door and returned home. She placed her gym bag on the cabinet, but after a moment, she dutifully brought it inside the room and shoved her gym clothes into the washing machine.

”That way, I won’t get scolded.”

She clapped her hands. She feared nothing more than Shinji lecturing her non-stop for two hours. Seeing the quiet living room, she pouted.

”Hmph, you really didn’t make anything just because I said I wouldn’t be back for dinner? You don’t care about me at all.”

Asuka returned to her room, feeling indignant. She picked up a doll with a scar on its face—the one she had made with Shinji during the school festival—and began pummeling it against the wall with straight punches.

”Damn it, damn it! It’s all your fault! You made me become abnormal too, and now the class president and the others look at me like I’m an alien.”

She punched and cursed, and only after venting did she carefully fix the doll and place it next to her pillow. On the other side of the pillow was her old, tattered doll, though Asuka hadn’t talked to it in a long time.

’No need, anyway.’

Now, if she felt unhappy, she could just go back to Unit-02 and vent to her mother. Even if her mother couldn’t respond, she could feel her mother watching over her.

When the LCL fluid surged, it felt like her mother was gently stroking her hair.

That was enough. Any intense trauma could be healed just by returning to Unit-02. Asuka wasn’t even worried about being rejected by Shinji and shattering into glass shards, because her mother would definitely help her scold that idiot, then stroke her back and tell her to be courageous.

”Hmph, I owe you for this favor.”

Asuka was cursing with her mouth, but smiling with her face. It could be said that ten thousand honeyed words couldn’t compare to [Shinji] smoothing over her inner scars. Even if that idiot was as stubborn as a mule and not a normal human, she still owed him.

”Damn it, you should have just let me use my whole life to repay you.”

Thinking of this, the girl twisted around on her bed until bang!—her knee hit the wall. She curled into a ball, her face beet red.

’Ouch, ouch, ouch. Damn it, all your fault.’

Asuka couldn’t twist anymore. After a few seconds, she hopped off the bed, unlocked the drawer next to her, took out a thick diary, and wrote in German:

[March 5th: That idiot made me go to the gym to train my legs and didn’t make dinner. That’s two marks on the tally. No, wait—he made my knee hit the wall and hurt for half a day, that’s three marks.]

The diary was already quite thick. Flipping back, there were entries like: ”Today he washed my socks but lectured me for 2 hours,” ”Rei Ayanami teased me in German again, I have to blame that on him too,” ”He actually just held my underwear that I changed out of, and then threw it at my face,” and so on.

Perhaps because of her half-German heritage, Asuka was extremely rigorous about certain things. Whether she was splitting hairs or not, she kept a clear tally of every single grudge.

When she eventually took her revenge, she would have a documented, evidence-based case.

Asuka closed the notebook, snuck a look around, and seeing that the ice-blue head wasn’t there, she shut the drawer with satisfaction.

’Mm, now I feel better. He owes me 371 times in total. Even if he brings up the ”mother” thing, I have the ability to counterattack. But come to think of it, he’s provoked me over three hundred times in these few months.’

Asuka drifted off, thinking that life had certainly become livelier since coming to Japan.

’But seriously, when are you coming back to make dinner?!’

She tossed and turned on the bed for a while longer, then grudgingly climbed out. Cooking was out of the question, so she changed into an apricot-colored dress and prepared to eat out.

”Huh, Rei is back? Why didn’t she come to watch me today?”

Passing by the neighboring room, she paused. She heard melodic music echoing from inside. That was normal; Rei wasn’t like her, doing core training on the bed all day. She lived quite comfortably, and since she got her computer, she hadn’t stopped.

Asuka had originally thought that if this person became a shut-in, she wouldn’t come to cause trouble, and maybe she would even get lectured by Shinji. But it turned out Rei played, but it never interfered with her ”business.”

She looked at the empty corridor, thought for a moment, and slipped over to press her ear against the door. After a few seconds, she heard a familiar voice.

”This is a maid outfit? I remember. When I was wiping out the governor of a rebellious planet, I saw his handmaidens wearing something similar. Of course, I blew that handmaiden’s head off.”

”Ikari-kun, please don’t say such scary things. Does it look good?”

”Not bad. I heard from Kensuke that this is some kind of ’moe’ attribute?”

”Yes. Generally, you would say, ’Welcome home, Master. Would you like a bath, dinner, or...’”

”It really is blasphemous.”

’Maid? Master?’

Asuka froze. Her orange hair felt like it was standing on end. Thinking about how she had just mocked Rei for being a stubborn idiot who fell for her trap, she felt a sudden surge of shame and rage.

’Oh, great! You act all high and mighty on the moral high ground, lecturing me every day, while you’re the one sneaking ahead!’