The Trash Returned from Warhammer

”A-choo!”

The golden sunset spilled in through the window. The orange-haired girl sitting cross-legged on the sofa sneezed violently, rubbed her nose, and looked around with a hint of sensitivity.

The room was cleaned to a spotless shine, with only the television screen flickering with light. Another girl with ice-blue hair was kneeling in front of the TV, clutching a controller and staring at the screen without blinking, a Pocky stick hanging from her mouth.

While others might get excited or throw their mouse in rage while gaming, Rei Ayanami showed no emotional fluctuation whatsoever. As her fingers pressed the buttons, the fluorescent light reflected in her red eyes, making her look incredibly eerie.

”Asuka, do you have a cold again?”

”Of course not! That embarrassing incident last time won’t happen a second time!”

”I do not think being sick is an embarrassing thing.”

’Who said I’m sick? That was clearly because the two of you pranked me while I was ill! Ugh, why won’t that nightmare go away?’

Asuka collapsed onto the sofa as if drained of strength, squirming like a maggot. The experience of her last cold had become a permanent ”dark history”; just thinking about it made her die of shame.

Of course, the most shameful part was that she had backed down in front of this ”doll.”

’Hmph, why do you act like the main wife? If I set my mind to it, someone like Shinji would be easy pickings.’

She stared at the straight line of Rei’s back, her mind a mess.

”Anyway, how long are you going to play? Playing the same game over and over... don’t you get bored?”

”I am not bored. I will play until I can completely crush you.”

”Hey, do you want to avenge that idiot that badly?”

Asuka scrambled up with a ”zip,” gritting her teeth.

”We’re pilots, okay? Can you please put your energy into proper business?”

”This is Shinji-kun’s expectation, and the freedom he won back for me. I do not wish to fail him.”

Rei pressed the pause button and turned around. Her red eyes made Asuka’s skin crawl. Unlike Asuka, Rei knew exactly how precious this freedom was. Dr. Akagi and that man really hadn’t come to disturb her again, and Rei didn’t want to waste a single second.

”Wh-what freedom? That’s stupid. This is just being a paid slacker.”

”To me, this freedom was unimaginable. Before this, I did not even understand the meaning of freedom, friends, bands, games, or life. Everything feels like a continuation of a dream.”

Asuka froze at those coolly spoken words. She saw Rei smiling—a very faint smile, but it looked like a death-row prisoner who had just had their chains severed, the smile of salvation at the moment of escaping prison.

”If you have some kind of secret trouble, tell that idiot,” Asuka frowned, her face full of concern. ”Or you can tell me, it’s all the same anyway.”

”There is no need. Shinji-kun already knows everything. He will resolve everything.”

Rei stuffed another Pocky into her mouth, the stick bobbing with her lips.

”Thank you for your concern. Let us return to the original question: ’proper business’ as a pilot? I believe that you, who gained three pounds because you ate too much cake with the Class Rep, have no right to speak of this.”

Asuka froze on the spot, her face turning beet red, and then she lunged.

”Fine! You dared to peek at my records!”

The two tangled into a heap. Asuka was currently following the principle of ”if you can’t out-argue them, hit them.” After having her defenses breached, she used her hands and feet, quickly tickling Rei into submission. She had clearly mastered every one of the latter’s most ticklish spots.

A few minutes later, the two girls, with messy hair and flushed faces, lay flat on their backs on the floor, panting heavily. This had become their daily routine; a bit of roughhousing helped them forget their previous unpleasantness.

Asuka turned her head and saw that face, even fairer than her own. Rei’s ice-blue hair had grown to her back, spreading out messily across the floor.

”What kind of hair growth tonic are you using? Why does it grow so fast?”

Rei sometimes couldn’t keep up with this person’s train of thought. She paused for a moment before answering: ”I use nothing. I wanted it to be longer, so it grew longer.”

”Forget it if you don’t want to tell me. Is your hair growing by ’Idealism’ or something?”

Asuka nipped up with a kip-up and touched Rei’s soft, long hair, feeling a sudden pang of jealousy. The texture was too good—thick and long—it was just that this ditz didn’t know how to style it, so it looked a mess.

”Long hair isn’t as easy to manage as short hair. When you have time, let Chihaya and the others take you to a hair salon. You look like a wild savage with it all messy like this.”

”A savage? But Shinji-kun has never said so.”

Rei touched her hair, looking a bit unhappy. Even though it had grown so much, Shinji hadn’t mentioned it once.

”Ha? You’re desperate for that idiot’s attention? Unless you shave your head... Hey, hey, hey! Where are you going? You aren’t actually going to shave your head, are you?!”

Asuka quickly grabbed her, looking terrified, knowing this ditz was actually capable of doing it.

”I am not as foolish as you imagine. Are you not hungry?”

’Ugh, fine. I underestimated you.’

”I’m hungry! I want curry tonight, beef curry!”

Asuka jumped back onto the sofa, continuing to roll like a maggot. ”Living here is great. Two people take turns cooking every day. If it were just me and Misato, we’d definitely be stuck eating frozen food.”

Rei quietly chopped vegetables. Hearing that intentionally elongated, spoiled tone, she hid a small smile.

The Second Child had completely given up on ”rehabilitation.” When she first moved in, she opposed Rei in everything. Just as Shinji-kun said, Asuka was actually the one who acted most like a child.

”Thinking about it, why did Misato go out alone with Shinji? There hasn’t been much work lately. You don’t think they left us at home to go on a date, do they?”

Cr-crack.

The onion was sliced in two. The sound of chopping vanished. Asuka also felt something was odd and poked her head over the back of the sofa, only to see a terrifying sight.

Rei was standing right in front of her, clutching the knife. It scared her so much she fell right onto her butt on the floor.

”Y-y-y-you! What are you doing?!”

”Asuka. What did you just say?”

The girl held the knife, her face expressionless. The look was hauntingly frightening.

”Huh? I just said it randomly! You couldn’t possibly believe me, right? Misato is 14 years older than us! Is it worth having murderous intent?!”

Asuka explained frantically, and then saw the knife lower.

Rei blinked and began to mutter to herself: ”True. The Class Rep said that is a crime. Misato is a good person; she would not commit a crime.”

’Hey, the way you’re holding a knife with an expressionless face, vacant eyes, and muttering to yourself is really scary!’

Asuka suddenly realized this ditz had a natural talent for being a yandere, because from start to finish, she just didn’t seem like a normal person. Just as she sighed in relief, her heart jumped into her throat again.

”Asuka, do you truly not like Shinji-kun?”

”Of course! I told you, I wouldn’t like that guy if I died!”

Under the reflection of the knife, there was no tsundere act this time. Asuka was very certain and answered firmly. She saw the corners of Rei’s mouth twitch upward slightly before the girl turned back to the kitchen.

”Wait a minute! Were you smiling? You scared me on purpose, didn’t you!”

Asuka began to shout, but her body stayed very honestly hidden behind the sofa.

The girl of ice and snow ignored her, quietly chopping vegetables, though the smile on her face became increasingly obvious.

’I do not know what ’yandere counters everything’ means, but the suggestion from the Class Rep was very useful.’

Click.

The sound of the door lock turning made her look back instantly, but the light in her eyes vanished a second later.

Shinji was back. He was carrying a flush-faced Misato in his arms, one hand under her armpit and the other under the bend of her stocking-clad knees. The curvaceous woman looked no bigger than a little girl in his hold.

Kicking off his shoes, the youth looked up, only to find the air heavy and the room far too quiet.

’Eh? Why is Asuka hiding behind the sofa looking terrified? Why is Rei Ayanami holding a kitchen knife?’

He instinctively scanned the room, but ignoring the bizarre looks, he placed Misato on the sofa and pulled down her hiked-up skirt.

”She drank too much. Rei, brew some tea to sober her up, and change her clothes later. Asuka, what are you looking at me for? What’s with the trash on the floor—were you waiting for me to come back and clean it?”

’No... Shinji, can’t you read the atmosphere at all?!’

Asuka was stunned. There was someone staring at him with a terrifying look while holding a knife, yet he had zero reaction. She looked back and forth; if Rei lunged with the knife, she’d close her eyes and jump out to separate them.

”Rei, did you not hear what I said?”

Shinji frowned. He had finally managed to pull his hand away. This Misato—why hadn’t he noticed how clingy she was before?

’Hey, hey, hey! Don’t add fuel to the fire at a time like this!’

Asuka got even more nervous, only to see Rei freeze for a moment, like a computer restarting after a CPU overload.

”Okay.”

’Huh? Just like that? Where did that yandere aura that nearly scared me to death go?’

Asuka felt her world-view take a heavy hit. Seeing Shinji’s stern gaze, her head tilted, her pupils went dull, and just like a computer restarting, she stiffly picked up the broom to sweep the floor.

Strike the previous thought: Shinji counters everything.

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