The Captain's Dirty Little Secret

Chapter 256: Chapter 256 - Look at Me

ROXIE’S POV

Roxie woke up angry.

Her head hurt, her shoulder ached when she rolled onto her side, and the skin around her wrists was sore enough to remind her exactly how last night had ended. For a few seconds she stared at the empty space beside her and remembered Zac standing over her, crying while telling her they were done.

Then she noticed his charger still plugged into the wall beside the bed.

His fucking charger.

Roxie pushed herself upright and looked around the room. One of Zac’s shirts was hanging over the back of her chair, another was inside the closet with hers, and his Tennessee papers were still shoved into the drawer beneath the television. His toothbrush was in the bathroom beside hers.

Half his shit was still here.

People who were really finished took their shit.

Zac had walked out with one duffel because they had gotten into the worst fight they had ever had. They were both angry, both exhausted, and they had said enough horrible shit to each other that somebody had needed to leave before they made it even worse.

That was all.

He needed time.

He would text.

Roxie picked up her phone and immediately hated herself for how quickly she checked the screen.

Nothing.

She opened their messages anyway. Her message from last night was still sitting there unread.

Fine.

Let him be dramatic.

Roxie dropped the phone onto the bed and got ready for school, refusing to check it again until she was already putting her shoes on. Still nothing.

By the time she reached Briarwick, she had almost convinced herself she did not give a fuck whether Zac texted her.

Then she saw him.

He was standing near the lockers with Dylan, Mason, and Kyle, and Roxie slowed without meaning to. Zac looked like shit. His hair was messy, dark shadows sat beneath his eyes, and the scratches along his forearm were impossible to miss with his sleeves pushed up. He stood beside Mason with his backpack hanging from one shoulder, but he barely seemed part of the conversation.

Mason said something and Zac only nodded. Kyle added something else and got another nod.

That was weird enough to keep Roxie staring.

Usually Zac could take over a conversation even when he had absolutely nothing useful to say. He would argue over stupid shit, interrupt Mason, piss Kyle off on purpose, anything. Now the other boys talked around him while he stood there looking like he had barely slept.

Her chest tightened.

At least he looked miserable too.

Then Dylan noticed her.

Roxie met his eyes from across the hallway, and Dylan looked down almost immediately.

He looked guilty as fuck.

Her anger found somewhere else to go.

Of course Zac had gone straight to Dylan after leaving her. He had probably spent the entire night listening to Dylan tell him the breakup was the smartest decision he had made in months. Roxie already knew Dylan did not like her that much. Zac had never said anything about it, but Dylan could barely manage an actual conversation with her unless Zac or one of the other boys was there.

Now he could barely look at her.

”Roxie?”

Angela’s voice pulled her attention away.

Angela and Karen were walking toward her, both looking at her face with the same worried expression they had worn on the screen half the night. Roxie had only managed to sleep because the two of them stayed on video call with her until she stopped crying long enough to pass out.

Karen glanced past her toward the boys. ”Did you two talk?”

Roxie adjusted the strap of her bag and started walking with them. ”No. I sent him a message.”

”And?” Angela asked.

”He hasn’t answered.”

Neither of them said anything.

Roxie looked between them. ”Can both of you stop making that face?”

”What face?” Karen asked.

”That fucking face.”

Angela slipped her arm through Roxie’s. ”We’re literally walking.”

”Yeah, while looking at me like somebody died.”

Karen moved to her other side. ”Nobody died. We’re just worried.”

”Great. Then stop.”

The first bell rang before either of them could answer, and the hallway around them started clearing.

Roxie made it through the morning by refusing to think any farther than whatever classroom she was currently sitting in.

AP Chemistry ruined that.

She knew it would hurt before she even walked through the door. Usually Zac was already there or came in right behind her. He would drag her chair closer to his even though Mr. Callahan had told him enough times to leave the desks where they were. Sometimes his hand ended up against the back of her neck while he leaned over and whispered something stupid into her ear. Sometimes Roxie kicked his shoe beneath the table because he would not stop distracting her.

Half the time they spent more effort trying to hide what they were doing from Mr. Callahan than actually paying attention to chemistry.

Today Zac was sitting in the back.

Roxie stopped just inside the classroom.

He was nowhere near their usual seats. His backpack sat on the floor beside his foot, and he leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed while Mason sat a desk away. Neither of them was talking.

Roxie hated how quickly she noticed every fucking detail.

Karen touched her elbow. ”Come on.”

Roxie walked toward the front with her and sat down. Her chair stayed exactly where it was.

That bothered her more than it should have.

Nobody dragged it closer. Nobody leaned toward her. Nobody touched the back of her neck while Mr. Callahan was turned away.

Roxie pulled her notebook out harder than necessary.

Around them, voices had already started.

”Oh God, look at his arm.”

”I heard they broke up.”

”That looks like a nasty breakup.”

”You think Roxie did that?”

”Maybe he cheated.”

Roxie stared at the blank page in front of her.

It had barely been one fucking night and somehow they were already in everybody’s mouths.

Then again, how could she blame them?

The seat beside her was empty.

Zac was sitting in the back with scratches covering his arm.

Roxie was sitting in front pretending she had no idea he existed.

Mr. Callahan walked in carrying a stack of papers and dropped them onto his desk. If he noticed the whispers, Zac sitting in the back, or Roxie looking like she wanted to throw somebody through a window, he apparently did not give a fuck.

”Open your notes from yesterday. We’re continuing equilibrium.”

The conversations slowly died.

Roxie looked at her notebook.

Equilibrium.

Fucking hilarious.

Karen leaned closer while Mr. Callahan started writing on the board. ”Did you check your message?”

Roxie pulled her phone out beneath the desk.

Read.

Her stomach dropped.

For a second she only stared at the tiny mark beneath her message.

He had read it.

Roxie turned around.

Zac had his phone in his hand.

Her heart jumped stupidly because for one second she thought he might finally look at her. Instead, his thumb moved across the screen. He locked it, placed the phone facedown beside his notebook, then lifted his eyes toward Mr. Callahan.

Roxie kept looking at him.

Come on.

Look at me.

Zac did not.

He watched Mr. Callahan like chemistry had suddenly become the most interesting fucking thing in the world.

Roxie turned back around before anyone could see how badly that hurt.

Her face felt hot.

Karen leaned closer. ”Roxie?”

”I’m fine.”

”You look like you want to murder somebody.”

”I said I’m fine.”

Karen stopped talking.

Roxie copied whatever Mr. Callahan wrote on the board, but five minutes later she could barely understand her own handwriting. Her mind kept returning to the same few seconds.

Read.

Zac looking at his phone.

Zac putting it down.

Zac refusing to look at her.

That was apparently what she got now.

Last week the boy could barely go ten minutes without touching her. Now he could sit twenty feet away, read her message and decide she was not worth answering.

Fine.

Fuck him.

When the bell finally rang, Roxie shoved everything into her bag and stood before Zac could somehow make ignoring her worse. She heard chairs moving behind her but refused to look.

Karen and Angela were waiting outside, and Roxie walked between them toward their next class while both girls deliberately talked about anything except Zac. Angela complained about an assignment. Karen complained about a teacher changing a deadline. Roxie barely followed either conversation, but having them beside her helped more than she wanted to admit.

She was not alone.

Then two girls near the lockers looked at her and whispered.

Roxie’s shoulders tightened.

A guy farther down the hallway looked too. Then somebody else.

Everybody fucking knew.

It made no sense. The breakup had happened only last night. Even Briarwick should have needed longer than that to turn it into school gossip, but every pair of eyes suddenly felt different.

Maybe they had seen her wrists.

Maybe they had seen Zac’s scratches.

Maybe somebody noticed they arrived separately.

Maybe the entire school had spent months waiting for them to finally implode and the empty seat in AP Chemistry was all the confirmation anybody needed.

”Stop looking around,” Karen said quietly.

Roxie turned toward her. ”I’m not.”

”You are.”

”They’re staring.”

Angela glanced around. ”Some people are.”

”See?”

”Roxie, people always stare at you.”

”They know.”

Karen looked at her. ”Know what?”

Roxie opened her mouth and stopped.

That was the fucking problem.

What exactly could they know?

That she and Zac had broken up?

That she slapped him?

That he shoved her into a wall?

That they spent half the night screaming and crying before he kissed her goodbye?

Her throat tightened.

Karen seemed to understand enough from her face. ”They don’t know anything.”

Roxie looked away. ”Whatever.”

She made it through the rest of her classes without crying.

That felt like enough of an achievement for one day.

Cheer practice was worse.

Coach Miller had them watching their State performance and identifying every place the routine could have lost points. Usually Roxie would have been one of the first people talking. She knew the routine well enough to catch a landing that could have been cleaner, spacing that shifted half a step, or an arm coming up slightly late.

Today she watched herself moving across the screen and barely registered any of it.

Her mind kept returning to AP Chemistry.

The read mark.

Zac locking his phone.

Zac staring at Mr. Callahan instead of her.

”Roxie.”

She blinked and looked toward Kendall. ”What?”

Kendall stared at her. ”What did I just say?”

Roxie frowned. ”About what?”

Kendall’s expression hardened. ”Exactly.”

Several girls looked between them.

Roxie immediately felt irritation crawl up her neck. ”What’s your problem?”

”My problem is we’re supposed to be figuring out where we lost points, and you’ve spent the last twenty minutes staring at the screen like you’re fucking asleep.”

”I’m watching.”

”No, you’re not.”

Roxie sat straighter. ”I said I’m watching.”

”And I said you’re not.”

Karen looked toward Kendall. ”Leave it.”

Kendall ignored her. ”You and Zac getting into another fight doesn’t mean you get to show up here and act like the rest of us don’t matter.”

Roxie felt her whole body tense. ”Excuse me?”

”You heard me.”

”You have no fucking idea what happened.”

”I know you’ve been useless for the last twenty minutes.”

Roxie stood.

Kendall stood too.

Angela immediately moved between them. ”Seriously?”

”Move,” Roxie said.

”No.”

Kendall gave a bitter laugh behind her. ”This is exactly what I mean. Everything becomes about you and Zac.”

Roxie tried stepping around Angela, but Karen caught her arm.

”Roxie.”

”Let go.”

”You’re about to get into a fight at cheer practice.”

”I’m not going to fight her.”

Kendall snorted.

Roxie’s eyes snapped toward her. ”Say something else.”

”Roxie,” Angela warned, putting both hands against her shoulders.

Roxie was already too angry to care.

She had spent the entire fucking day holding herself together. Zac ignored her. People stared. Everybody whispered. She had sat through class after class without crying in front of half the school, and now Kendall wanted to tell her she was useless?

”Maybe worry about yourself for once,” Roxie said.

Kendall stepped around Angela. ”I am. I’m worried about the team you’re supposed to be co captain of.”

”Fuck you.”

”Great leadership.”

Roxie moved before she really decided to.

Karen caught one arm while Angela caught the other. Kendall stepped forward too, but two girls beside her grabbed her before she could get closer.

”What the hell is going on?”

Everyone stopped.

Coach Miller stood at the entrance, looking from Roxie between Karen and Angela to Kendall being held several feet away.

Nobody answered.

He walked farther inside. ”I asked what happened.”

Roxie breathed hard through her nose while Kendall looked away.

Angela slowly released her arm.

Karen glanced around the room before answering, ”Just the usual.”

Coach Miller stared at her.

Karen gave him an innocent look.

He shook his head and pointed toward the screen. ”Sit down. All of you.”

Roxie dropped back into her seat while Kendall sat several chairs away.

The State performance started again.

This time Roxie forced herself to watch.

She caught the first problem before anybody else did.

”Pause it.”

Coach Miller stopped the video.

Roxie pointed toward the screen. ”Our spacing closes right there. Karen moves in half a step and I compensate, so the next formation starts too tight.”

Karen studied the screen and nodded. ”Yeah.”

Kendall stayed silent.

Coach Miller rewound the footage.

Roxie watched herself on the screen, smiling through the routine like nothing in her life had ever gone wrong.

Her phone stayed inside her bag for the rest of practice.

She left it there.