My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1984: Chapter 1778: Winds and Rains

”Grandpa, why do you think she still doesn’t want to come back?”

”Child, you’ve asked me this countless times. Your heart is still so entangled!”

There’s not so much sadness in this world. Everyone will pay the same price for their past mistakes; no one will let themselves suffer humiliation for no reason. No one owes you anything; why should they be wholeheartedly with you after you’ve hurt them again and again? Perhaps that’s how human hearts operate—one heart can’t be exchanged for another.

Everyone lives painfully; what’s not crucial to others might be the most important thing to oneself. Why is it that what I desire in life always evades me? What must I do in this life to regain the heart of the person I once loved the most?

Watching him delete all the contacts, seeing him erase all the memories, it feels like my heart is being sliced by a knife, one stab after another in my chest. I’ve been in so much pain that I can’t breathe, yet no one cares about my feelings. Thinking back on how I hurt her, how saddened her heart must have been.

Eventually, I’ll have to taste the pain I once gave her, that heart-wrenching agony. No one knows what I did wrong in the past year, how much I’ve suffered during this time. I keep waking up in nightmares, and when I close my eyes, all I see is his silhouette. I inadvertently recall every phase I’ve walked through with him.

Sometimes, I can’t understand how I made such a ruthless decision back then—choosing to abandon her and my own heart. Just what was I thinking? As I watched him plead bitterly before me, I cruelly pushed him away. That heartache, who could possibly understand? But that’s just how it is. Who knows the misery and despair I must live through for the rest of my life? No one comprehends my inner pain, and my eagerness for understanding continuously brings the deepest sorrow and heartbreak.

”Zhentian, the biggest mistake of my life was using you as a backup, choosing to be with you and hurting the one who loved me the most. If I could do it over, I’d give up everything. I thought I’d forever live in his shadow, and I didn’t want to be with you; don’t you know how happy I was with him? That happiness is something no one has ever given me, and you never could. The joy he gave me is something only I know; who else could understand how blissful, how perfect it was? Time and again, what kind of outcomes have you given me? Haven’t you understood? You’ve caused me so much heartache, but ultimately I had no choice but to be with you!

In the past few years, no one has gone through what I have. Maybe none of you understand the kind of pain I endure in my heart. If someday you could feel all the pain I’ve been through, would you still treat me this way? I’ve been living in guilt for years, a guilt that tortures me deeply as I accept all the pain brought upon me. I can only see him in my dreams, for I’m too afraid to see him, too afraid to seek him out. I’m terrified that if I see him, I’ll witness him holding hands with someone else. Such hurt—there’s no way I could accept it now!”

”I didn’t expect you to still be so stubborn. Is there any point in what you’re doing? I’m your husband, standing right in front of you, and you’re here discussing how another man loves you. What do you take me for? Don’t you know that doing this makes me feel humiliated, makes you heartless? What do you consider me to be when you keep doing things like this? Am I worth so little in your eyes that you can’t spare me even a shred of dignity? I’ve given up everyone for you, abandoned all my respect, yet why won’t you ever consider things from my perspective!

When doing things, could you be less selfish? Perhaps think about how much I love you, my love for you is as vast as the heavens and has never changed, even though you’ve done so many things against me. When have I ever resented you? Why don’t you appreciate my love, continuing to do such things time and again? My heart remains deeply hurt, but I can’t find a way to say these words to you because I don’t know how to. I’ve treated you as the most important person in my life. Why do you treat me this way? I gave up my own child, my own father for you, and yet you treat me like this for a man you constantly think about?

Have you ever considered how you put me in such a bitter place by doing so? How unbearable my suffering is from all this repeated harm? What must I do for you to understand my efforts? These years, I’ve been living in hell every single day. What I desire always seems unattainable. I don’t know when you’ll finally be able to give it to me. Do you have any idea how much I truly love you? For you, I’m willing to throw away everything again, but why won’t you treat me the same?

If time could turn back, I would still pursue you at all costs. I would still keep you by my side because everyone is selfish. For their loved ones, they’d abandon everything. You could abandon me for him, not love me, but I could never treat you the way he did. Maybe you think I’m foolish and naive for treating you this way after you’ve treated me so. It’s not just because I love you—it’s because you’ve been with me for so many years. The feelings you’ve given me are unique, unlike anyone else’s. Even though I’m quite confident in my life with you, sometimes I don’t understand why you’d say and do those things. But do you know how grateful I am that I met you, how happy I was to meet you again? I often don’t know how to express myself to you, but I simply want to show you with my actions that I truly love you!

Love isn’t something you just say; it needs to be proven through actions. If I love you, I wouldn’t hurt you time and again. Don’t you know that when you hurt me over and over, I can’t bear the thought that the one you love in your heart isn’t me!”

”If I’d known she’d leave because of this, I would never have let her heart be broken...”