My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1065: Chapter 918: Past Pain

”Dad, I know I have caused you a lot of pain in the past, but it’s been so long, times have changed, can you still not forgive the pain your son once caused you? Everything from the past was not the outcome I wished to see myself, now everything has turned out like this, it’s truly a deep-seated pain within me. I only hoped that everyone in the family would be happy and joyful, but now seeing you all like this, do you think I’m truly happy?”

”Perhaps in your eyes, the mistakes I made can never be forgiven, and I’m undeserving of your forgiveness. But has anyone ever thought about how much hardship I’ve gone through over the years? Step by step reaching today hasn’t been easy for me, I’ve put in so much effort myself, I just didn’t expect every single contribution of mine would be seen like this by you all.”

”I deeply yearn for time to flow back, even just a little, I would be much happier. If that were so, I could have returned home a few years earlier to stay by your side, and you wouldn’t have to suffer the current difficulties and illnesses. Dad, deep down over the years, I’ve suffered a lot of torment, watching the woman I love betray me, seeing every friend by my side abandon me and betray me time and time again. Deep down, I have already received the punishment.”

”You’ll never understand, how it feels to watch the ones you care about most betray you over and over, and to see that apart from betraying you, those around you can only betray, you’ll understand that kind of inner agony, that feeling of having no possible way to restore everything to its original state? I can’t understand because I’m afraid, afraid each day I live like this, walking on thin ice. Step by step, reaching today hasn’t been easy, who ever cared about my inner feelings, my pain, my sadness, my dependence on others? I can only rely on my own willpower step by step to get here, knowing all of today’s outcomes were brought upon myself.”

”I know I can’t blame anyone for all that I am facing now, it’s all because of my selfishness that led to today’s results. But I never expected one day to be betrayed by the person I care about most; that feeling, in my lifetime, I never want to experience again. To experience such a feeling is my greatest pain in life. How much I yearn to live my life easily, without enduring any trials, but I can’t, when fate places me in such a destiny, I can only step by step follow its path, hoping fate may give me another chance.”

”Fate never gives anyone a way out, it only pushes a person time and again to their limits, forces them into a predicament with no way to retreat. When you’re faced with all the difficulties and hardships, all you can do is to look at all those who brought you pain, there’s no way to forget, nor a way to act as if it never happened. When I see those who betrayed me laughing and enjoying themselves, I resolve to exact revenge in this lifetime, to repay all the pain inflicted on me.”

”I am here in unbearable pain while he is there laughing merrily. Why should I endure such insults and pains?”

”Dad, even though you’ve experienced so many storms in life, you cannot understand a life lived like mine. Do you know how painful such a life is, living in this world feeling deeply miserable? All I want is to live peacefully, but each time my wish for a peaceful life gets shattered, I realize there is no possibility for whatever I want to do. Only through enduring even more pain can everything be restored to its original state. Who could care about my past pains? Who could care about how I became like this time and again? I’m afraid because there’s no way to change anything. I have no qualification to make these things the way I desire them in my destiny.”

Old Master Zhang sighed, ”Child, destiny can rule over someone, but it cannot make someone timid. I hope today you can see clearly what you’re facing, I don’t wish for your life steps to be disrupted. I only hope you solidly walk each path you should take. If you choose to face the life’s pain you most wish to avoid in a different way, then you forever lose the qualification to compete with society. Society is always cruel, if you want to survive in this society, you must have the endurance that others may not have. Even if others defeat you once, you still can smile and say, ’I haven’t failed, I can continue to try again, I can through my efforts reach that best position again.’ I hope one day you’ll find when everything is completely different from what you imagined, you can still stand by your goal and confidently declare, ’This is the life I truly want,’ and you could tell everyone, ’I have no regrets in my life.’”

”I know as a father these years, I haven’t given you much help, but I also hope you understand there are some things once you’ve chosen, you can’t turn back.”

”Child, I hope you live happily every day because no matter what you did to me before, you’ll always be my child. As long as you can realize this, I definitely won’t blame you. The mistakes you made, the pain brought to us, is something we should put behind us, should we not?”

”People can only look forward, we should remember yesterday, seize today well, and envision tomorrow, making our tomorrows exceptionally meaningful. We shouldn’t do things aimed at hurting others or protecting ourselves. That kind of life is really tiring, you’ve experienced such a life, do you want to live like this forever?”