My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1057: Chapter 910 Betrayal

”Actually, you never really thought about what betrayal truly is. In your hearts, you believe everything you do is right, but who knows the kind of pain we all endure? We make ourselves stronger only to have a clear conscience, so that we can live better lives. Yet, are we truly happy? Are the things we do really what we want? Time and again, I’ve grown numb, not knowing what conclusion I truly desire, nor who the person I love most is in this life.

When I gave my all sincerely, only to be met with the cold treatment akin to others’ heartlessness, what would you feel deep inside at that moment? No one is willing to suffer such blows, and no one wishes to endure such torment.

When your heart is hurt and pained, you become numb. You can’t distinguish right from wrong, nor who has good intentions or bad. You find yourself unable to discern any of it.

If in this world someone wants to exchange true hearts with you, don’t. No one sincerely treats you in this world. People who you think are trustworthy are always unreliable. Men are the same. The only person you can truly count on is yourself. Only your strength can eradicate the feeling of being looked down upon. If you choose to let others bully you repeatedly while you bear it silently, they will only bully you more. They’ll ride roughshod over you, carelessly doing as they please, thinking themselves victorious, seeing themselves as sovereigns who can hit or scold you at will, humiliating you in every way.

Child, sometimes it’s not that your mother tells you such words to make things difficult for you. I only hope you suffer less deception. Do you know how it feels to watch others be happy at the cost of your suffering? Do you know what it feels like to be betrayed by a beloved one? Do you know what it feels like when your best friend or your dearest person repeatedly tears open your wounds and pours salt on them without ever knowing when to stop?

I’ve seen too much of such cruelty, witnessed too many such bloody scenes. When I watch everyone endure pain and suffering repeatedly, no one stood in my shoes to consider for me. At that moment when my wounds were ripped open and salt was poured on them, when my painstakingly healed scabs were torn apart, do you think it didn’t hurt? Do you think I am really, as you say, a stone-hearted, feelingless woman? I’m not.

No one has ever stood in my shoes to consider anything. The pain inside my heart is unspeakable. It’s like swallowing yellow lotus, bitter and unbearable. But have I ever said a word? I endured silently, and the result was that others only hurt me more. I’ve had enough. I’m not a Saint. I can’t keep getting hurt and still laugh happily. How could I be that weak? I’m not that kind of woman, weak and easy to bully. I want to use my own efforts to destroy all those who hurt me. I want to make them realize what a tragic end there is for those who have betrayed me. I want them to wake up in nightmares, where every scene is bloody and unforgettable without any way to erase. Deep down inside, the spirit will always exist.”

Zhang Yichen never expected his mother to harbor so much grievance deep down. She never spoke of these sufferings to anyone, truly unable to express her troubles. Every decision she made hurt someone else, yet her intention was not that way. She only hoped to protect every good friend around her, to have everyone sincerely remain by her side, to be able to accompany her sincerely. Yet, once she did everything, she found that it was all a mistake. No matter what, she never achieved the conclusion she most desired. She was repeatedly pushed by reality and left with no way out. She didn’t know what desperate situation she would face. She covered up all her thoughts deep down just to prove there was no way to forget all these hurt and pain.

Sometimes she needed to stand in her mother’s shoes more often and think about why she did all these things and why she became like this. Could it be that how she became now truly had no relation to herself?

Thinking about everything done to her mother, was it truly not a bit excessive? All she ever wanted was happiness and peace, but when all the hurt and pain arrived, she never had any way to forget how it all came. Sometimes she had to think more, understand deep down what she truly felt, because one day when someone betrays her, she would still have the same feeling deep inside, only she didn’t know it now, didn’t know when all this would come.